A Trip to a Department of Health Clinic

Farook called on Sunday to ask me to join him at 9:00 a.m. sharp on Monday morning, so I was waiting for him and he picked me up for a trip to Satwa.

Near me are two supermarkets. One has mushrooms for $1.50 a packet and capsicum for $2.50 a kilo; the other has mushrooms for $2 a packet and capsicum for $1.25 a kilo. So I try to buy mushrooms at the first market and capsicum at the second, unless I have a senior moment and get my purchases backward. So I understand trying to save money, but I won't wait in a queue for two hours to get mushrooms for $1.25 a packet when I can pick up a packet instantly by paying an extra 25¢.

Farook had a medical report for his daughter (the younger one, not the one that just had a baby and made him a grandfather). I have no idea what the report was about, since a) Farook made sure I didn't get a close look; and b) it was all in Arabic. But he needed to get it stamped by a Department of Health Clinic, and, for reasons that escape me, he decided to use the one in Satwa.

I have quoted an unknown source before that, in a Middle Eastern queueing system, the queues are always as wide as the number of people queuing, and only one person deep. So, with me in tow, we went past the sign that said, 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY!!!' and Farook presented the report to receive an official stamp from the Department. A long discussion ensued in Arabic. Then we went left the first office and went through another door marked 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY!!!' for another long, heated discussion in Arabic. Then back to the first office, and back to the second office, repeated several times, always with long, Arabic discussions between the person in charge and Farook.

I should note that we passed through two huge crowds, one of men from the sub-Continent and the Philippines, and the other of women from the sub-Continent and the Philippines, both queueing as patiently as Communists (a group once widely known for being the very best in the world at queuing, but now largely extinct, except in the PRC). But Farook marched straight past the crowds and past the signs prohibiting us from entering, following the traditional Middle Eastern queuing system.

Finally, Farook paid about $4, we departed, and I asked, 'What was that all about?'

It seems that the current method for getting an official medical report is to stand in the queue until your number is called, then to hand in your document for stamping with $4 to cover the cost of couriering the stamped document back to you, and Farook was trying to avoid spending the $4 by getting the stamped document handed to him.

He was told that, for $120, he could pay for same-day processing, but someone trying to avoid the expenditure of $4 is not at all inclined to hand over $120.

Officially, everyone is now supposed to have two options: 1) stand in the queue, hand over their document and $4, wait about a week for the document to be stamped and another few days to have it couriered to the requested address; or 2) stand in the queue, hand over the document and $124, have the document stamped the same day and then couriered to the requested address.

Farook, with all his wasta, was able to get the document stamped the same day and handed over to him, but he was still required to pay the $4 courier fee, even though they handed him the stamped document so there was no necessity for anything to be couriered. But under the new and improved system, everyone must pay the courier fee disirregardless, wasta or no wasta, and also fill out the official form for where to courier the document.

I assume I was along as a Western consultant to help intimidate the staff at the Clinic. If so, I was unable to spare Farook the $4 courier fee, which now seems as inevitable as death and the other usage taxes that help keep Dubai running.