Dubai At Random

Ad for the Bab al Shams

2012-01-05T04:16:00.002+04:00

Some years ago, an Egyptian with limited English (he spoke much more English than I speak Arabic, but that isn't saying much) asked me if I'd been to the Arab Tower. I had no idea what he was talking about at first, but eventually, I found out that he meant the Burj al Arab.

Dubai sometimes translates Arab names into English, as it does with the Emirates Towers (Abraj al Emirat in Arabic), and sometimes transliterates, as it did with the Burj al Arab. If there's any kind of pattern, it is one I have been unable to discern.

So the Bab al Shams resort on the Dubai-Al Ain highway is just transliterated as Bab al Shams, which means Gate of the Sun. Since it's very expensive, I've never been to see if they tell the English-speaking tourist what the name actually means.

Anyway, I recently saw an ad for this Gate of the Sun, avidly watched by some of my better-heeled Arab friends, who quite enjoyed the ad and plan to go for the luxurious treatment available there for those with ample dosh. Since they don't know Western music, none of them were aware that the music that accompanied the ad was Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

A strange incongruity that, I strongly suspect, one no one else will ever notice.

Pearl Harbor Day, 2011

2011-12-07T13:25:00.001+04:00

Once again, it's Pearl Harbor Day, and I am reminded of the parallels with 9/11, particularly the parallels in the attacks on both US administrations for being complicit in the attacks.

It is well known that the detailed plan of the Pearl Harbor attack by the Japanese was available to President Roosevelt, and that he did not give the information to the commanders at Pearl Harbor. A Communist friend says that's a right-wing lie, but it's been widely reported, and it is in the history books.

The right-wingnuts said Roosevelt wanted an excuse to enter World War II on the side of the Communists in the USSR against that anti-Communist, Adolph Hitler, so he withheld the plans and let the Japanese kill more than 2,000 Americans.

What really happened was the the Roosevelt White House did not trust any Japanese Americans. Or any nippophiles, as evidenced by their having studied Japanese culture or language.

So, when US intelligence intercepted the detailed plan, they handed it over to a true-blue 100% American armed with an English-Japanese dictionary, and he managed to translate enough of the document to understand its import on 7 December '41, shortly after hearing reports of the attack on the radio.

The Roosevelt White House HAD sent a warning to Pearl Harbor that intelligence indicated a Japanese attack was expected 'within weeks,' but the best military intelligence indicated that Japan would attack the Philippines, and Pearl did everything to get ready to respond and send the fleet out to support the Philippine defenders. They locked most of the ships' ammunition away where Japanese saboteurs could not detonate it. They had all the pilots digging defences against an amphibious attack and their planes tied down where those saboteurs couldn't get to them. They did everything the book said they should do. Only the treacherous Japanese didn't play by the American book.

Likewise, there was lots of chatter before 9/11. Intelligence clearly indicated that extremists planned an attack in summer or autumn of 2001, so the US prepared: every embassy and consulate in the MENA region was on high alert, with soldiers ready to shoot anyone who looked suspicious (I was almost shot, since I always look very suspicious, but that's just the face I was born with).

There was also chatter about hijacking a plane, so, when the hijackers approached, security found their names on the list and searched them very carefully, only letting them board after it was absolutely certain they had no weapons of any kind, so there was absolutely no way they could hijack the plane.

Again, the US security forces did everything 'by the book,' not realising that the hijackers never read that particular book.

Just as right-wingnuts were (and are) sure that Roosevelt planned and ensured more than 2,000 American deaths to get the US into World War II, the left-wingnuts are equally sure that Bush, Jr. did nothing to stop the 9/11 attacks to get the US into the disasterous War on Terror.

In fact, both FDR and Bush, Jr. did all that could reasonably have been expected to prevent Pearl Harbor and 9/11.

The difference is that, after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Roosevelt went before Congress and got the US to declare war on Japan, while, as Peter Sagal put it, had Bush, Jr. been President in '41, he would have declared war on Bulgaria.

To Sharjah with Farook

2011-11-27T00:20:00.001+04:00

I had originally (see previous post) planned a short visit with Farook, but he'd bought me lunch, and I felt it would be rude to eat and run, so, when he said we had to go to Sharjah to meet a Philippina, I agreed.

As I said, we'd met a Philippino at Ibn Battuta Mall, and he'd said he wanted us to meet the Philippina, so Farook asked, 'Where Philippina?' and was told 'Sharjah.' So off we went.

Farook got on a road with no tolls (all the major Dubai roads have tolls of about $1.25 every 15 kilometres or so, called Salek in Arabic) and we got into Sharjah.

Farook asked, 'Where Philippina?' The Philippino called on Farook's mobile and said, 'National Paint.' I thought everyone knew National Paint, but Farook honked and waved until someone stopped. He then asked in Arabic, 'Where National Paint?' and got an answer in Arabic.

So he honked and waved until another driver stopped. Same question, only this time in Urdu, and some answer in Urdu.

THEN THREE MORE TIMES.

Finally, we drove for about a kilometre, and repeated the process ANOTHER FIVE TIMES.

Then we drove another kilometre, and, of course FIVE MORE TIMES.

Finally, we proceeded as directed all 15 times and came to National Paint.

We parked in front of Medina Supermarket, and Farook asked the Philippino, 'Where Philippina?'

As it turned out, she was waiting at Ramez Supermarket. So again, Farook honked and waved and asked five cars, 'Where Ramez Supermarket?' And we started. I saw a sign, RAMEZ SUPERMARKET and an arrow pointing left. Farook turned right.

We got back to Medina Supermarket, so, again, Farook asked, and was told to make a U-turn, which he did. Into a taxi.

So we had to wait for the police.

Who never came, this being Sharjah (in Dubai, they come within 10 minutes or less, usually much less). I called someone I know who lives in Sharjah, and he said, 'Just drive to the police station. They don't go to accidents.' But Farook said the police had to see the accident just as it happened, so we couldn't move.

Only we HAD moved from the intersection where Farook ran into the taxi to a parking space out of the way of the traffic. But Farook felt he could move that far, but no farther.

After three hours (and repeatedly calling the police number) the police finally answered and said to go to the National Paint police checkpoint about two kilometres from where we were. So we went.

As we were driving, Farook asked me, 'Whose fault?'

'Yours,' I said.

So, when we got to the police checkpoint, Farook said he'd turned into the taxi, and got a ticket for $54.

Then he drove us to his cousin's home in Sharjah.

Only the accident had demolished his steering, so he was driving as if completely drunk (in Arabic, sakran). To let people know he had a problem, he took an undershirt and waved it out the window. I expected a second accident (or an arrest for DUI) and another three hour wait, but we made it unscathed to his cousin's home.

Then he tried to flag one of the un-metered taxis that once took people from Sharjah to Dubai for $1. Their like have not been seen for at least five years, but Farook tried to find me one. It was nearly midnight, and I was not inclined to waste any more time, so I flagged a normal, metered taxi and made it home about 1 am, a mere 12 hours later than I'd planned.

How to waste a day (or two)

2011-10-30T03:03:00.001+04:00

Farook called and said he needed to see me, it was very important. I always like to see Farook for an hour or so, and he said it would be a short visit, so I agreed.

He said there was a Philippino at ibn Batutta Mall with a business proposition, and we'd go and hear what it was. If it wasn't any good, we'd leave quickly. All of which sounded far more reasonable than I'm accustomed to hear from Farook. Which should have been Warning Sign #1.

Farook picked me up a little after noon and drove me to ibn Batutta Mall. We parked at Tunisia.

I should explain: ibn Batutta was a Moroccan who decided to make the Hajj in the 14th (Christian) century. Having traveled to Holy Mecca, he continued on to Syria, Iraq, Iran, India, China, then back to Morocco, then to Spain (then called Andalus) to keep it under Muslim control (he wasn't terribly successful there). So ibn Batutta Mall starts in Tunisia (as a surrogate for Morocco), then continues through Egypt, Persia, and India to China. The Philippino was in China, and said he'd wait for us.

Normally, when a young man with something to sell is meeting two elderly men, he'd say, 'I'll come to meet you,' but he didn't, and I was glad because I wanted the exercise (ibn Batutta Mall is one of the best places to walk in Dubai, being comfortable all year around). So we walked from Tunisia to China, where Farook got into a conversation with the young Philippino, a conversation that I could have barged into, but was not really invited.

'I am very hungry. We must eat,' said Farook. I left them talking and went to find out that the buffets in China had doubled in price, so I went back and suggested we go back to Tunisia, where prices for food are cheaper. So we walked back to Tunisia, and Farook bought three plates, one for each of us. He never asked what we wanted, he just picked out what he wanted and ordered three.

Then Farook explained: 'This Philippino have lady. She give you good massage. You want?'

'No,' I said.

'We must see her first,' Farook said to both me and the Philippino. 'Where is she? Why she not with you?'

The Philippino explained that she was in Sharjah.

So Farook got me back in his SUV, along with the Philippino, and we all started from ibn Bututta Mall toward Sharjah.

Off to GITEX

2011-10-12T13:24:00.000+04:00

It was in 1999 that I read that one of the biggest technology shows was called GITEX, and it was in a place that few English-speakers had ever heard of, formerly the Trucial States, now the United Arab Emirates. I never thought I'd be going.

In 2000, I was offered a job in the aforementioned United Arab Emirates, and one of my duties was to go to GITEX, where I saw all the latest new IT gadgets.

And now I'm going to GITEX 2011.

How can a girl get dibs on a salad around here???

2011-10-05T17:42:00.000+04:00

As I said in my previous post, Arabs have a word, dibs, that has no good English equivalent, but somehow, it got mis-translated as molasses. So Wikipedia says that English now has the expressions 'grenadine molasses', 'date molasses', 'carob molasses' and many others, though none of those would be considered molasses in non-Wiki English.

Traditionally, English just absorbs words for which there is no English equivalent. So, it is better to speak of grenadine dibs, date dibs, carob dibs, etc.

In the Gulf, date dibs is very popular as a syrup for pancakes. In the Northern Arab countries, grenadine dibs is considered essential for salads, and they use it in place of vinegar in their customary oil and dibs salad dressing.

But when a Lebanese lady came to Dubai, she went from store to store asking, 'ayna dibs roman?' which is Arabic for, 'Where's the grenadine dibs?' The response was either a puzzled look, since the staff at Dubai grocers seldom understand a single word of Arabic, or a response of 'No have,' if they understood enough to know she was asking for something they'd never heard of.

After several weeks of searching, I have yet to find a single grocer in Dubai that does not carry grenadine dibs. But then, I have one more Y chromosome than that lady from Lebanon: men hate to ask directions, knowing that most people have no idea where anything is; while most women insist on asking directions, even though most people have no idea where anything is. (I'm not saying all men or all women, I'm sure there are exceptions somewhere.)

Grenadine dibs is not used in the cuisines of the people hired to staff the grocers, so they have no idea what it is or where it is. (I assume the owners of the grocery stores know what it is, and insist it be stocked, but they don't bother to train their staff in what it is, or in how to guide a Lebanese lady to find it.)

She told me she finally found an Arabic speciality store in one of the pricier Dubai malls, but the grenadine dibs cost her about $30, when ordinary grocers sell if for about $2.

So, for those willing to search diligently, I recommend the Lebanese oil and dibs salad dressing, and also Lebanese aubergine with dibs sauce, and I plan to try a suggestion in one of the comments of onions fried in dibs.

But for those who insist on asking, I'm sorry, all the grocery staff insist that there''s no dibs in Dubai.

I've got dibs on that...

2011-09-30T14:23:00.001+04:00

I found a recipe that called for grenadine molasses. Being published in a Western newspaper, it said I'd have to find a Middle Eastern speciality grocer, but here in Dubai, it's hard to find a grocer that doesn't specialise in Middle Eastern ingredients, so I got a bottle labelled (in Arabic) dibs roman.

Which brings up a problem of translation: in Western Europe, everyone has the same concepts, but different ways of saying them, so the English say 'bread' while Germans say 'brot' and the French are a 'pain'.

But when one goes East, the concepts are different, so a word-for-word translation becomes difficult. I know what an English 'word' is, but the Arabic 'kalima' is any combination of two or more letters, so not quite the same, but my Arabic-English dictionary says kalima is the Arabic for 'word'.

Which brings me to dibs.

In standard English, molasses has one meaning: crush sugar cane to extract the liquid, then boil that liquid until it forms a thick, dark, sweet syrup, and that syrup is molasses.

In Arabic, that syrup is called dibs, but Arabic has many different kinds of dibs besides molasses. The word dibs seems to refer to any thick, dark edible syrup.

In proper English, when a traveller comes across a concept that does not exist, the word is normally absorbed into English via the five-finger discount method of acquisition. But sometimes the traveller gets 'help' from one of the natives who speaks a little English, and this seems to be how dibs roman got translated as 'grenadine molasses' (roman is Arabic for pomegranate or grenadine). I find this unfortunate, because molasses is always sweet, but grenadine dibs is very tart, so Arabs without the benefit of an Arabic-English dictionary have translated dibs for me as vinegar. And one Lebanese said dibs has no translation into English.

So I wish, when the company was forced to find an English name to put on its international label, they had just called it grenadine dibs, rather than grenadine molasses.

I should also mention that Northern Arabs tell me they use it instead of vinegar to make oil and dibs salad dressing. And the recipe I found that caused me to buy a bottle said to mix it with sugar to make a sweet-and-sour sauce to pour over eggplant.

So now I've got dibs on the salad and the eggplant.

“Innominate” in Dubai????

2011-09-07T15:00:00.002+04:00

The New York Times blog on photography has a link to a series called Innominate. Since the word's meanings in English are all medical or legal, the photographer, Ruben E. Reyes, posts his definition of innominate as the first slide in the series:

Innominate

-adj: having no name; nameless: anonymous

The series consists of photographs of Dubai and of some of the innominate people who work in Dubai.

Eid (al fitr) Mubarak, 1432

2011-09-03T13:59:00.002+04:00

I have been getting errors from blogspot for the past week or so, so a belated Eid Mubarak.

Islam has two 'official' Eids, and this one (on 29 October 2011 just after sunset) marked the end of Ramadan.

Once, Dubai slowed down for Ramadan and closed completely for Eid.

During previous Ramadans, employers were required to reduce the workday by several hours, sending all employees home in mid-afternoon so the employees could prepare for iftar. This past Ramadan, I saw businesses open all day. Where before, all during Ramadan, Dubai seemed deserted from one hour before sunset until one hour after sunset, this year shops were open and crowded during those two hours.

And during past Eids, all of Dubai seemed closed, but this Eid, most shops were open.

At the same time, in previous years, if one knew where to look, there were restaurants with signs, 'Closed until iftar,' but if one tried, the doors were unlocked, and inside they served the usual menu. I tried a few I knew of, but all were closed, and, when they opened after iftar, they said they'd been warned off by the police: In previous years, the police had been told to turn a blind eye to these few violations of the Ramadan fast--travellers are not required to fast, and women are not allowed to fast for one week during Ramadan, so a few restaurants had informal permission to remain inconspicuously open (with an emphasis on inconspicuously). Not this year (perhaps because last year they mangled the inconspicuously).

So a few strange incongruities this Ramadan.

But now Ramadan is over, restaurants are open during the day, and it's permissible to sip a drink while wandering about Dubai in the heat, which is just now starting to abate.

So Eid Mubarak!

Ramadan tents and zakat

2011-08-21T02:17:00.002+04:00

During Ramadan, the UAE has many Ramadan tents where anyone can eat for free, no questions asked. Naturally, I wondered who provided the free food. And yesterday, Saturday, I found out.

My friend invited me to join him as we went to the souk mawashi. Dubai translates this as the 'Cattle Market' in the English on the sign, but, in addition to (a few) cattle, there are (mostly) goats and sheep and a few camels. So Livestock Market would be a better translation. But Dubai never asked me, so 'Cattle Market' is the official English name.

At the souk, my friend asked, 'How much?' and, when they told him, he said the price was more than double what it was last year. And, more to the point, more than the supermarkets are charging.

So we went to a supermarket, where the goats were much cheaper than at the souk, and bought two goats.

My friend observed, 'This now Ramadan. Before, every Ramadan, souk mawashi full, but now empty. Crisis big problem for Dubai. Africa, souk mawashi all full during Ramadan.'

(Of course, I have no idea how he knows what's really happening in the African souk mawashi, but I would have said, 'Maybe it's the fact that the supermarkets are much cheaper;' however, I wasn't asked.)

Then we took the two goats to the Public Kitchen, something I first heard of in "A Christmas Carol", where the rich had mansions with large kitchens and servants, but the poor had no kitchen, so they had to take their food to a public kitchen.

For Ramadan, many Muslims buy a goat or two, 20 kilos or so of meat, and take it to a public kitchen. As in A Christmas Carol, even if they have a small kitchen, it's cheaper to use the public kitchen. After the goat is cooked, they donate it to feed the poor.

Every Muslim who can must give zakat to help the poor, and so they provide the goat and rice that the Ramadan tents serve to anyone who comes by.

My friend gave me a big package of chicken and rice to take home and eat tonight between sunset and 3 am, and Sunday, he, along with all the other Muslims who have enough money to buy food to feed the poor during Ramadan, will take meat and rice to one of the institutions that distribute the food to all the free Dubai Ramadan tents.

Ramadan Tents

2011-08-20T04:20:00.003+04:00

Today is the 20^th of Ramadan, 1432. I once thought of myself as 'well read,' but when I arrived in the UAE, I had never heard of Ramadan. I checked Gutenberg, and didn't find many English language books that mentioned Ramadan (I think Byron's Childe Harold has a brief mention, but I've only read excerpts, and not the bit with Ramadan). Of course, there is the transliteration problem, where 19^th century British writers might have transliterated Ramadan in any number of ways, but, if it were ever a major theme in any of the classics, I couldn't find it.

Shortly after I arrived in the UAE, my colleagues warned me that Ramadan would be strange to a Westerner. And they were right.

Ramadan is redolent of several Western traditions, but is also different. First, from 90 minutes before sunrise until a few minutes after sunset, eating, drinking, and smoking are prohibited.

But, during the day, all day long, most Muslim women cook, so that, from sunset until 90 minutes before sunrise, their husbands can eat, drink non-alcoholic beverages, and smoke shisha. The women must cook special foods for Ramadan, so in a way, it's like a month of Christmas dinners, with the attendant duties imposed on the women. Not unlike the West, but for a month, not for a day.

Ramadan is a time for charity, called zakat. All over the UAE there are Ramadan tents where poor men can break their fast after sunset for free. There are also tents which serve a meal three hours before sunrise, also for free. Some of these tents serve people with no questions asked. Others are provided by mosques, so they expect you to pray, which is difficult for infidels, since one must know the ritual and the Arabic responses. But every poor Muslim can eat for free all during Ramdan, with no questions asked. And, if one knows where to go, even infidels can eat for free all during Ramadan.

Early this morning I had the last meal of the night, three hours before sunrise, at a free Ramadan tent. They serve goat (of course), prepared six different ways. I tried to ask my friend (not from the Gulf) about what we were eating, and was told, 'We do not talk while eating.'

I finally found out the real translation of his statement, 'We do not talk while eating': All the dishes are Gulf dishes, and he is not a Gulf Arab, so he has no idea what we're eating, he just comes to eat for free.

I can relate. I had an uncle who loved food, and always asked, 'What is in this? How did you make it?' My father found his brother's curiosity about food disgusting. 'Why does he want to know that?' my father asked. 'Just eat it. If it's tasty, that's all that matters.'

But I fear I'm more like my uncle than my father: I like to know what I'm eating.

But my friend does not like to say, 'I don't know,' so he says, 'We do not talk when eating.'

So I know I had goat, but I have no idea what any of the side dishes were, or if there are names for the six different ways the goat was prepared.

Still, as my father said and my friend says, 'It was tasty, and that's all that matters. No need to know the name.'

Good Service

2011-08-07T23:31:00.002+04:00

The New York Times on Sunday, 7 August 2011, had an article about where travellers can expect to find the best service. Japan was rated as the best, followed by Thailand, Canada and New Zealand.

The UAE came in 5^th in the entire world of tourist destinations!

(For those who plan to visit, the article says one should tip 10% throughout the UAE. I have no idea where or how they came up with that 10%.)

Ramadan (1432 AH) is Coming

2011-07-21T00:51:00.002+04:00

In the Islamic (or Al Hijri) calendar, this month is called Shaban, the month before Ramadan.

When I first arrived in the UAE, and several times since, I was told that the rulers decide when to have Ramadan, and can vary the date of the start and stop by as much as a week (or more). This, it turned out, was, as Nixon would have said, 'inoperative.'

Every Islamic month is either 29 or 30 days, since the Islamic month is a lunar month. On the 29th of every month, the Moonsighting Committee goes out. If it sees a crescent moon (called a hilal), the next day is the first day of the next month. If it does not, the next day is the 30th of the current month. This is of critical importance only three times a year: on the 29th of Shaban, when the Moonsighting Committee decides when Ramadan starts, on the 29th of Ramadan, when the Moonsighting Committee decides when Ramadan ends, and on the 29th of Dhu'l-Qa'dah, when the report of the Moonsighting Committee determines the days of the Hajj.

On the 29th of the month of Rajab (which was on 1 July), the Moonsighting Committee went out and saw the moon, so 2 July was 1 Shaban.

This means that 30 July 2011 will be 29 Shaban 1432, and the Moonsighting Committee will go out. If they see the crescent moon, then 31 July will be 1 Ramadan; if they don't, then 1 August will be the first of Ramadan. Ramadan must start either 31 July or 1 August, it cannot start any other day, but (officially) there is absolutely no way to predict if Ramadan will start on 31 July or 1 August, it all depends on what the Moonsighting Committee sees on 30 July.

However, all my sources say it has been decided that, on 30 July, when an excited person runs up and says, 'I saw it, I saw it!!!' (and he will, because there is a monetary award for the first person to see the hilal that marks the start of Ramadan) the senior members of the Moonsighting Committee will say, 'We are sorry, my son, but you are mistaken.' So 31 July will be 30 Shaban, and Ramadan will start on 1 August.

Of course, my sources could all be wrong. The Moonsighting committee is supposed to report whatever it actually sees.

So we'll only be certain on 30 July whether Ramadan starts 30 July or 1 August.

Father's Day, 2011

2011-06-20T00:10:00.003+04:00

When my father was dying, he admitting cheating people when he first started in business, and he was in terror of what the afterlife would bring him in retribution.

But, when I was born, he became scrupulously honest, and, by being scrupulously honest, he made a small fortune.

Of course, as I discovered after his death, like the overwhelming majority of people who make a small fortune, he had made his small fortune by starting with a big one.

Still, unlike most of his competitors, my father never cheated anyone from the day I was born until the day he died, so I hope his sins--all committed before I was born--were forgiven him.

Grand Burstin Hotel Employment Scam

2011-06-11T11:22:00.003+04:00

I was riding in a taxi with a driver I use regularly, and he asked me to help him. He'd been offered a 'job' working for the Grand Burstin Hotel as a driver. There really is a Grand Burstin Hotel in the UK, and, according to its website, it is a seaside hotel with rooms including meals starting at just £35 for a single (which is cheap enough that I'd consider staying there if I happened to be in Folkestone). The offer seemed to be on official hotel letterhead with the stamp and signature of a manager.

The offer letter said they would help him get a visa and work permit, and would pay a salary of £3,700 plus room and board. I figured, 'OK. A UK hotel wants to get an Indian driver for £3,700 plus free room and board, and that's a lot less than they'd have to pay a British driver.' So I told him I thought it was legitimate. Then he pointed out that the salary was monthly. So £44,400 plus room and board for a driver. Not b*&%£ likely.

They sent him a picture of what looked like a real UK work permit with his name and photograph (at least to someone who's never seen a real UK work permit), and a picture of a letter saying that the work permit was being held by Inland Revenue and he had to pay £650 to get it released. And, again, the photo of the letter from the Inland Revenue looked like it was on official Inland Revenue letterhead.

Only, of course, the work permit is NOT from UK immigration and the letter demanding £650 is NOT from Inland Revenue.

Further checking showed that there are more than 60,000 ads about 'Jobs available at the Grand Burstin Hotel' posted on the Internet, many posted on bulletin boards that are not intended for employment postings, and none of which has the slightest connection with the real Grand Burstin Hotel.

The new and improved RTA promotional campaign

2011-06-08T16:07:00.003+04:00

I haven't written much lately, since this blog is about aspects of the Middle East that seem strange to a Westerner. Not bad, not worse than the West, just different.

And, since the worldwide crash, things in Dubai have looked about like a Western crash. So nothing for DubaiatRandom to report.

But yesterday, I was on one of the new RTA buses.

During the boom, back in '07-'08, it was very hard to get around Dubai. The traffic was terrible for those with cars, and, when the car reached its destination, there was no place to park. Taxis seemed eligible for CITES. And the buses were always full and sped past since they could take no more passengers.

So the RTA used the boom money to order a massive new fleet, but the new fleet didn't arrive until after the crash.

The combination of the new buses and the crash means that one can get around Dubai very well using the buses and the metro. I can usually find a seat (or at least some polite young person who insists on giving me his), and the new buses and the metro are very comfortable, and I can read and relax instead of worrying about traffic. And, as Dubai made a big deal about in '07, most bus stops have shelters, some of which have working A/Cs that keep the shelters at 22 degrees (that's 72º for Americans). Which is nice, since, in the afternoon, it's now 45 degrees in the shade. Of which there isn't any. (That's 113 for Americans.)

One feature of the new buses is that they all have TVs.

But, since the crash, there hasn't been money to hook up all of the TVs in the new buses, so many buses have three or four TVs that sit showing nothing except the screen saver with just the RTA logo.

Yesterday, I got on a bus that had working TVs running a strange programme: 'Try the Dubai buses.'

It was a loop showing animated buses running all over Dubai, with signs, 'The most efficient way to get around Dubai. Try it.'

So, as I rode the bus, I was constantly urged to ride the bus, or at least to give it a try.

This is like a nondescript shop with a flashing neon sign in the very back of the shop asking people to please come in.

I occasionally ride with friends in their cars, and I haven't seen any ads aimed at the people in cars urging them to try the buses.

Only the ads running in that one bus, ads aimed at the RTA bus riders urging them to please try the RTA buses.

Farook's Decline

2011-01-04T23:14:00.002+04:00

I once knew a man named Robert who was good at making money from real estate. 'First,' Robert said, 'find a rapidly rising real-estate market. Then find someone who owns property but has no idea what it's really worth. Offer them enough they think you're overpaying, and they can't afford to refuse, but not so much that they get suspicious. Of course, your offer is much, much less than the property is really worth, and you sell the property a little below actual market value before you actually pay the sellers.' But Farook didn't understand any of this: he tried to find someone who'd sell him property for half its real value, so he could then re-sell for 90% of its real value and make a fortune. I tried and tried to tell him this wouldn't work without some modifications, but he wouldn't listen, and he never sold a single property.

Meanwhile, the laid-back landlords of Dubai all disappeared. Farook was leasing flats for $500 a month when market rates were $1,000, then subleasing them for $850 + 5% commission. But the landlords finally saw that Dubai prices were booming, and raised the rent to $1,000.

Farook tried some 'bait and switch' tactics: he'd show someone a $2,000 a month flat, then get them to sign a lease on the now $1,000 a month flat paying $1,500. He made money one time, but he lost that tenant's future business. And the tenant told his friends, 'Don't go to Farook.'

Farook considers himself an honest man: he always gave the tenant a flat, unlike some crooks who'd show a flat when they had nothing, take the tenants' money, and ride off into the desert leaving the tenant with nothing. Farook never did that. But, at the end, the flats the tenants ended up with were NOT the flats the tenants expected. But at least there was always a flat, and all Farook's customers had a place to live.

My old friend Robert complained that, after a boom, real estate prices would fall back to normal, but it was impossible to make money: buyers, seeing the decline, wanted to pay less than market, and sellers, thinking of the halcyon past, still had no idea of the current market, but now wanted much more than market. So, after making money for a few years, Robert had to suffer through long dry spells. But at least Robert knew just what he was doing, unlike Farook.

And Robert's Rules apply to Dubai:

The Dubai landlords who once asked $500 for a $1,000 market-value flat now ask $1,000 for a $500 market-value flat.

And Farook hasn't rented out a flat for two years.

So now Farook has a job trying to preserve the Arabic language, at the behest of a Sheikh. The Sheikh founded an institute, but after the initial funding, provides no support. The A/Cs in the institute have mostly failed, and there's no money for maintenance. Which is OK now, but will be a major problem come summer. And, while the Sheikh asked Farook to help preserve the Arabic language, the Sheikh seems to think Farook will do this out of sense of obligation to the language, not as an actual paying job.

Farook: Fall from Zenith, Part I

2010-12-09T02:10:00.004+04:00

As I mentioned recently, I met Farook at the zenith of his career. I do not think of Farook as a great salesman: a great salesman can sell someone something they don't want, don't need, and can't afford.

In his prime, Farook was like the sausage millionaire in the very old movie, 'Palm Beach Story.' The sausage millionaire saw a sad young man and offered to help. The millionaire said he'd give the young man the answer to any question except where to buy sausage. Apparently, the sausage millionaire had found a supplier who sold sausages of better quality at lower prices than his competitors, so the sausage millionaire didn't need to be a great salesman, his sausages sold themselves.

Farook found flats renting for half of market rents, partly because of laid back landlords, and partly because there were informal rent controls. Then Farook would sublease the flats for 85% of market rates, then lease them for half of market rates (always in that order, so Farook wouldn't be risking any of his own money). It was a win-win-win situation, with the landlord, without doing any promotion or anything else, getting money for a formerly empty flat, the tenant getting a flat for 85% of market, and Farook getting 75% more from subleasing the flat than he'd paid to lease it, for quite a nice commission.

Then two things happened: the first was freehold. This hurt Farook, who blamed his father: 'My father tell me, if you must drive nail and you have big hammer and little hammer, always use big hammer and drive nail with one blow, no little hammer and must make many blows.'

So Farook hoped to find a freehold villa he could sell for $1.85 million and then buy for $1 million, making a quick $850,000, or about 8 ½ year's income from leasing. I tried, without success, to explain that the market, marketing, pricing, and everything else is completely different between leasing and selling. But he never listened. 'What you know? I selling for 15 years, you never work as salesman.' But he never sold a villa.

Farook tried to sell a school in Sharjah, but without success. The owner wanted $10 million; Farook was asking $4 million. I have no idea what he had in mind, since he tells me he never cheated anyone.

In Dubai, it was once common to find people who would lease a posh villa and a posh office and pay for three months, then sublease the villa from the office. These con-men would sublease the villa for 70% of the actual rental, but to 20 people, demanding a full year in advance in order to qualify for the 30% discount. Once they'd leased the villa twenty times, they'd leave Dubai, and the renters would be out their entire payment. Farook never did anything like that, so I'd say he was more than 75% honest.

Of course, had anyone given Farook $4 million to buy that $10 million school, he would have either explained that foreigners can't buy, the $4 million was just for a three year lease, or he would have sold the buyer a different, $2 million school. But no one bought, and Farook wasted a lot of time.

I tried to help: a lady from the UK said she represented some investors who wanted to buy a school, but she needed the contract, blueprints, and all the other stuff that goes with a $10 million property. 'You think Britania. This Dubai. Dubai not like Britania, here we no need paper. I take you to see school.'

I tried to tell Farook, 'Just give her the papers,' but he told me just what he told the British lady.

Farook had found tenants for his apartments, given them the details to sign, they'd taken the details home, then gone directly to the landlord and gotten the flat for what the owner was asking, cutting Farook out completely. So he stopped giving any documents to prospective tenants. But tenants are not like buyers. And Farook hadn't bothered to get copies of the paperwork, because he wanted someone to hand him $4 million in cash without anything in writing.

But no one ever did. The British lady eventually gave up on Farook and stopped answering his calls. And he never managed to sell a school.

So the freehold caused Farook to waste a lot of time trying to sell freehold, without having any idea about how to do it, since it is not at all like leasing. And his business began to decline.

And soon he had another problem.

Eid al Adha Mubarak

2010-11-16T23:35:00.003+04:00

It's a bit late (I think the Islamic date changes at sunset) but I'd like to wish everyone Eid Saeid and Eid Mubarak.

Eid Saeid means 'Happy Eid.'

My dictionary translates 'eid al adha' as 'Greater Bairam.' Sadly, my English is not as complete as I'd like, since I've never heard the English word 'Bairam', but that's the official translation according to my Arabic-English dictionary, and I'm not going to question them today.

'Mubarak' means something like, 'Blessing upon you,' so 'Eid al Adha Mubarak' means, roughly, 'May the Greater Bairam blessing be upon you.'

Eid al Adha represents the highlight of the hajj, and commemorates the day when the Prophet Ibrahim (or Abraham) took his son out to sacrifice his son, but instead sacrificed a ram.

So, in much of the Islamic world fathers take rams and sons out for the morning sacrifice.

In Dubai, the law prohibits this, and fathers and sons go to the municipal abattoir where a municipal employee sacrifices the sheep or goat in the name of the father.

So this morning, Farook took his son to the abattoir, then brought me a share of the goat, and I spent the rest of Eid al Adha cooking my share, finishing just before midnight.

Farook at Work

2010-11-14T11:05:00.003+04:00

Farook offered to find a seller for anything you'd ever want to buy, or a buyer for anything you'd ever want to sell. The fact that he ran out of his office when he saw me walking past is part of what makes him Farook: he's always looking for people who look like they might have something, anything to buy or sell. But mostly, it was finding people places to lease.

Back then, Dubai had only a few landlords, all Citizens, and some of them were very laid back. Many set rents to cover their expenses, which were fixed, based on the money they'd borrowed for building (they never gave their staff raises). And they didn't bother doing market research or advertising their properties or raising their rents. Other landlords raised rents for new tenants, but never increased rents for tenants who continued in the same place. It was said that Dubai had a Rent Control Commission that made increasing rents for tenants who remained in a property very difficult. Subleasing was illegal, so tenants could not legally take money to pass on their reduced rent to another tenant. And, of course, the illegal payment was so common it had a name: it was called 'key money'.

Farook spent a lot of time trying to find these laid-back landlords, and what they had available. Evenings, he'd go to shisha parlours (for those who can't find shisha in a dictionary of words newly stolen by English, it used to be hookah). There he'd smoke and play cards or a game called towla. Towla is played on a backgammon board, but has slightly different rules than European backgammon, rules that require completely different strategies, and the card games seemed to be in the whist or rummy family.

And Farook would try to meet landlords by playing these games. Meeting landlords was difficult (though not impossible) since there were very few of them, but he succeeded in meeting agents who worked for those landlords. Sometimes, the agents weren't even working in the real estate arm of the landlord's business, but they knew of a property available for half market price.

Farook also went to the property fair that Dubai holds every year. Like every such sales venue, the people at the booths have memorised what they are supposed to say. Stand in front of them, and it's just as if one pressed the 'Play' button on a CD player. So they might say, 'We have some very nice villas in Jumairah,' and Farook would say, 'Perfect, thank you, I really appreciate your telling me. That's just what I'm looking for, tell me more about your flats in Satwa.' 'Um, er, we don't have any flats in Satwa, we have luxurious villas in Jumairah.' Always appearing very polite, very interested, but actually trying to rattle the salesperson so they'd reveal something they were not supposed to tell, about some property renting below market that their boss wanted to save for himself or for a friend.

Farook would spend an hour or more at each stand. Often, the salespersons didn't have any information other than their canned speech, but occasionally, Farook would find the kind of place he was looking for.

His final approach was to find someone leaving Dubai after many years in the same place, and whose landlord had never raised the rent. Farook would offer to pay the departing tenant some key money to get the lease.

And, once he'd found a flat with a lease for half market rates, he'd call people who might be interested.

'I have an office for you, it's exactly what you said you wanted, for just $850 per month.'

If Farook was offering an office (or flat or villa) for $850, he would know he could lease it for $500, and that market rates were $1,000. It was what we call a win-win-win situation. The landlord, without making any effort, without paying to run any ads, would be getting rent from a property that had been sitting empty; alternatively, family departing Dubai would get a few dollars to supplement what they had saved and their end of job gratuity. A new tenant would be getting a place well below market. And, finally, Farook would be doing well by doing good, to quote Tom Lehrer.

Farook told me he was making almost $100,000 a year after all expenses for his office and the tea and sweets and other victuals he gave away so freely to potential customers and friends (of course, every friend was also a potential customer, so I guess that was redundant).

It was a good living.

Life with Farook, the beginnings...

2010-10-29T11:27:00.003+04:00

I met Farook several years ago, when he was at the zenith of his second or third career. I have no idea what he did before I met him, since, although he's told me many times, the stories are all different, but when I met him he was fairly successful, with a bustling business and several employees.

I was in a part of Dubai where persons of the European ethnic group seldom go, if they know what's good for them. By which I mean, people will insist on offering generous, Islamic hospitality, and one finds one's self forced to eat foods no European ethnic has dared to taste before, with serious consequences for the digestive system, but one cannot be rude and refuse.

So Farook saw me and insisted I come up to his office for tea and sweets, and would not take 'No,' for an answer. I found the office crowded with people, but I didn't know who any of them were. Some spoke Arabic with each others, but others did not, so communication between them, the Arabs, and me, was in broken English.

As soon as I got there, he told someone who must have been one of his employees to give me tea, which she did, and, on the table in front of me was a huge tray of Arabic sweets to eat with my tea. Then he turned and spoke in Arabic with the Arabs, then turned and spoke in broken English to the non-Arabs. Finally, he got back to me, made a bit of small talk, had an employee give me Arabic coffee, and turned back to the Arabs.

After about an hour of my sipping his tea and coffee and tasting his sweets, Farook asked me if I needed a new flat. He said he could get me something cheaper and better than whatever I was staying in. I said I was sorry, but I'd just signed a year's lease, and could not move. Then he asked me if I needed an office, but I said I worked for an employer who provided me with an office. Then he asked me if I had anything I wanted to buy or sell, and said he could find me a seller or buyer who would give me the best price, but I said I was OK for now, and had to wander off to work.

I would have thought he'd have given up on me at that point, but every time I walked past his office, he'd rush out and invite me to come up for more tea, Arabic coffee, and sweets or sometimes sandwiches.

It was to prove a long-lasting relationship, one that has provided me with an insight, of sorts, into a part of the world I never imagined I'd see before I found myself living here.

Prediction, as they say, is very difficult if it's with respect to the future.

Columbus Day

2010-10-13T00:08:00.002+04:00

I hope it's still Columbus Day, the Day Christopher Columbus discovered the Indian Islands (sort of).

Almost everything I was taught in school was wrong. The story I learned in school was that everyone (except Columbus) thought the world was flat, but Columbus knew the world was round, and that one could reach India by sailing due west.

As I learned much later, most educated people in the 15th century knew the world was a globe, but sailors knew that most ships could only sail with the wind.

William of Normandy had to wait until the wind was from the east before he could sail to invade England.

Richard, Coeur de Lion, had to wait until the wind was from the west before he could sail to Palestine.

The Vikings used galleys, which meant the hold was full of rowers. Before the 11th century, they could row from Scandinavia to England, where the rowers transformed into soldiers and won battles, but by the 12th century, an army needed matériel, which a galley could not transport, so the Viking attack on Harold (transported by galleys) failed, while the French attack (transported by sailing ships) succeeded.

Before the 15th century, ships could only sail with the wind. If the wind was from the east, a ship could sail any compass point from South by Southwest by South to North by Northwest by North, but not due North or South, or any compass point with an East in it. Then the Italians figured out how to sail against the wind. But the heads of the various Italian states only wanted to dominate the Med.

Columbus approached the Spanish King and Queen, and they funded three ships that could sail against the wind, to celebrate their victory over the Muslims (a victory that moved Spain from the most advanced nation on earth to among the most backward).

Initially, the wind was an east wind, and the sailors were afraid they'd get far from Spain and would never get back, and the sailors were ready to mutiny. Then the went turned into a west wind, and the sailors knew they could get home quickly if food and water ran out. And Columbus managed to sail to the New World. Where he found huge amounts of gold.

The gold, as it turned out, caused hyperinflation in Spain, and Spain, after a brief period dominating the world, collapsed, nevermore to rise.

And, of course, Columbus brought the annihilation of many of the pre-Columbian native American tribes.

Zakat

2010-09-06T00:06:00.002+04:00

Dubai TV had a contest asking 'What must every Muslim do before he can make the Eid prayers?' I had no idea, so I asked Farook, who said, 'He must pay the zakat al fitr,' (which was one of the multiple guess answers).

Farook is, accordingly, going to the livestock souks (Sharjah and Dubai) today around the time fasting starts (4 am, meaning, without me) to look for another animal to donate to the mosque for the poor. He has been at least three times already, but I'm not sure how much zakat al fitr he must pay. It's not as simple as the Christian tithe (which few Christians pay in full, unless they live in a Christian state that collects it as a tax). But Farook will pay in full before he goes to say his Eid prayers.

There are over 1 billion Muslims in the world. The only thing that they all have in common is that they all believe and have publicly recited the shahadah, the Muslim profession of faith, which cannot be translated from the Arabic, so I won't even try.

Farook says that zakat must be given to the poor, that Islam requires that Muslims help all humans, whether Muslim or not. Comments on this blog have said that zakat can only be given to Muslims, a position Farook rejects. I, of course, strongly affirm Farook's position. After all, I know that Christians in Dubai collected money for the Muslims affected by the Pakistani floods, so I think Farook's version of Islam--that Muslims must help all the poor--is the correct interpretation of Islam. But, of course, this remains open to debate.

I previously mentioned the Ramadan tents, where they feed everyone, without any questions at all. One need not prove one is Muslim, one need not prove one is poor, anyone is welcome to eat between sunset and 90 minutes before sunrise in the UAE. Some Christians pointed out that there are also Christian charities, but my point was that every Christian charity that I've seen asks questions: the Ramadan tents that I've frequented in the UAE welcome everyone.

But I've been told in comments that Ramadan tents are ONLY for Muslims, that zakat must only go to Muslims.

Which, again, just goes to show that, of the more than 1 billion Muslims, there is no consensus.

What I've seen of Islam is mostly hospitality, a level of hospitality and charity that I never experienced in the West.

And tomorrow, at a reasonable hour, I will go with Farook to take the goat he bought at 4 am to the public kitchen to be cooked for the mosque.

And, I think, he will insist that I take some of the goat home for iftar, since he wants to distribute his zakat to all the poor.

Middle East Queuing (again)

2010-09-01T12:50:00.002+04:00

I have developed a rather nasty cold and sore throat, and so had to drag myself to the grocer's for some citrus, throat drops, and juice (I could have called for home delivery, but I like to select my own citrus fruits, and, in addition, getting one's order correct on the first try usually requires fluent Urdu and/or Tagalog and/or some other language I don't speak).

As I was at the checkout counter, with about half my items checked by the cashier and the other half still on the conveyor belt, someone stepped in front of me in order to push his six items at the cashier (naturally, she ignored him until she'd finished my items).

I can only hope he manages to catch my cold and sore throat.

About Ramadan for non-Muslims

2010-08-17T02:13:00.002+04:00

The Holy Month of Ramadan is marked with many, many Ramadan tents, where poor people can eat for free (obviously, only between sunset and 90 minutes before sunrise). Some of the tents only serve iftar, the meal taken just after sunset, while others serve sohour, the early morning meal to sustain Muslims through the day-long fast.

Farook took me with him to the Dubai Cattle Market (the official mis-translation of the Arabic Souk Mawashi Dubai, or Dubai Livestock Market). I saw sheep, goats, and cattle, and Farook told me that a different part of the 'cattle' market also sells camels.

Farook took me from stall to stall asking the prices, weights, and countries of origin of the sheep, goats, and cattle. Once he finds the best buy, he'll definitely buy at least a sheep, and he says that this Ramadan he might also buy a whole cow, some poor, old, post-change-of-life bovine. But he will definitely buy at least one sheep, and perhaps a few goats. He will then take his purchases to the Dubai Municipal Abattoir, and from there take the meat to a Public Kitchen, or tabakh, to be cooked into a dish of meat and rice called biriani.

Then he'll give most of the biriani to one of the charitable groups that hands out the free food during Ramadan.

I mention this because I have never seen anything quite like it in Western countries. People asking for free food in the West are often questioned and frequently humiliated, to discourage free-loaders; but here, any hungry person, whether Muslim or not, is free to eat in the Ramadan tents with no questions asked (but only between sunset and 90 minutes before sunrise).

In accordance with Islamic tradition, they give each person a few dates, then the biriani, and side dishes of fresh fruit, and salad, so it's a very healthy meal. Since the person hasn't had anything to drink all day, they also give bottled water and juice and sometimes buttermilk.

At least for this month, everything that Christianity preaches about compassion is actually practised throughout the Islamic world.

Ramadan Mubarak

2010-08-12T02:03:00.002+04:00

In English, we say 'Merry Christmas' to celebrate the important Christian religious season of Christmas; however, if merry has any deep religious significance, I'm not sure what it is.

In Islam, the two greetings for the Holy month of Ramadan are Ramadan Mubarak, meaning 'May your Ramadan be blessed,' and Ramadan Kareem, meaning 'May your Ramadan be generous.'

So, to start Ramadan, I'd like to say Ramadan Mubarak and Ramadan Kareem.

Property in Dubai

2010-07-21T03:18:00.002+04:00

I gave far too many figures in my previous post, causing one comment that the post was 'confusing'.

Basically, people who live in ice and snow wanted warm villas for the winter. They poured money into Spain, which was like a firehose pouring into a plastic children's wading pool. They poured money into Greece, which was like a firehose pouring into a bucket. And they poured money into Dubai, which was a thimble that somehow had (or at least claimed to have) 20% of all the world's building cranes.

Rents soared.

Why rents soared in Dubai, other than my firehose-thimble analogy, isn't clear, but outrageous rents supported outrageous prices for freehold property (in the US, property prices were based on the fact that property prices never go down, so banks loaned ridiculous amounts of money to people who couldn't possibly make the loan payments, certain that the property would appreciate enough that the bank would make money when it foreclosed--the usual example being the well-publicised loan for more than $750,000 to a borrower earning less than $15,000 per year, a loan where the bank lost about $800,000 after legal fees when, after the crash, the house was really only worth about $75,000).

All the money came from the US bubble, with people selling worthless CDOs for outrageous prices and looking for somewhere, anywhere, to put the money, and some of it went to Dubai, where it overwhelmed a tiny market.

Then the US seized (actually a very small number of) Muslim bank accounts and other assets for imagined links to terror, and Muslim investors reacting by moving their money from the US to places like Dubai. So more money pouring into a thimble.

And then all the money created with the CDOs evaporated, and things crashed.

Everywhere. Including Dubai.

One comment was 'overbuilding.' But much more was sold than was built. Or even started. Emaar wanted a building to be more than 90% sold before it started construction. Of course, after the crash (and the end of property investor residence visas), many of those who'd put 5% down decided not to throw good money after bad. Or non-existent money after payments from a former salary, now terminated. So when I looked at the Burj Khalifa, I found hundreds of flats listed for sale in the local newspapers. Mostly with Abu Dhabi phone numbers for the sellers.

And I can see lots of towers planned, some of which actually got started before the crash, but very little work in progress, and little chance they'll be finished to flood the market with empty flats and villas.

Not that new towers are needed to flood the market with empty flats, my own building emptied as summer started, and no one seems to be looking.

Return in a time of Crisis?

2010-04-07T02:44:00.003+04:00

I have been absent since GITEX 2009. This blog was about things that I saw here and found interesting, but which (I hoped in vain) no one would find insulting or offensive. And, since GITEX, I haven't seen a lot that was new that I found interesting but which, I thought, no one could possibly find offensive.

However, someone (in a comment) asked about Dubai and the crisis.

The Nobel Laureate Prof. Krugman has not written about Dubai, but he has written about Greece (folly) and Spain (innocent victim). I was inclined to put Dubai into the Andalus (i.e. Spanish) category, but, of course, it included both folly, and innocent victim.

Dubai is at a good location for trade between East Asia and Europe. So people wanted to come here, and were happily queuing to pay astronomical rents of $3 per square foot per month. Meaning, $3,000 per month for a 1,000 square foot flat, a price that would seem appropriate to high in New York or London. A 'normal' return of 7% per annum would make a reasonable price about $500 a square foot, or a cool million dollars for a modest 2,000 square foot villa.

Meanwhile, in the US, people were getting mortgages with payments of less than the interest on the loans, with no income and no money down. The banks immediately sold these mortgages as AAA+++ securities with absolutely no risk (as certified by all the rating agencies), since property values only go up, and these CDOs were backed by property that would appreciate enough to pay off the mortgages, even though the borrower had absolutely no money. The reduced payments were about three times as much as the cost of renting the property (which is why US home-owners are desperate to leave their homes and reduce their payments by 70%, only this would ruin their credit, and would have tax consequences that would put them in gaol for tax evasion). So all loans stopped all over the world.

Meanwhile, in the UAE, any Citizen can hire any ex-pat to do any job. The ex-pat gets a 3-year residence visa, and the Citizen gets the job done. So HH Mohammed bin Rashid, the Sheikh of Dubai, offered 3-year 'employment visas' to anyone who bought one of his properties. And people bought, since the prices were fully supported by the rents (meaning, it was cheaper to buy than to rent), plus the 'employment visa' was a big advantage to the buyers, making trips to Dubai much easier, since there was no longer a visa hassle.

But property investors only made a small down payment, and Dubai prudently borrowed money only to build the properties the investors had ordered (so the collapse of all credit made Dubai an 'innocent victim'). Except for Nakheel, which started work on spec on three developments that had few investors: The Palm, Jebel Ali, The Palm, Deira, and The World. Which were all at least partly folly, with 20/20 hindsight. (I enjoy telling my English acquaintances that England has filed for bankruptcy, based on the fact the the England part of The World has done so.)

So Abu Dhabi bought up all the Dubai notes, and said Dubai could not issue visas to property investors, except for a 6-month visa to investors after they'd purchased their property. Investors could neither live in their properties, nor rent them out, unless they had a job working for a Citizen, and investors who could pay $5 million for a flat in the world's tallest tower were not going to take jobs as bricklayers for a Citizen, so they stopped paying, and Abu Dhabi bought up their notes and foreclosed.

Dubai still remains a major shopping destination. I went to the Dubai Mall last weekend, and it was so crowded I couldn't find a place to stand.

But the profits Dubai earns on shopping are minuscule compared with the revenue it once got from selling freehold, and buying Dubai freehold no longer makes any economic sense, given the new laws, except for Gulf Arabs, and even for Gulf Arabs, it is premature to buy now.

My best guess is that Dubai will stabilise in a state like that which existed 10 years ago, before the freehold boom.

I should mention that the shoppers I saw in Dubai Mall were mostly from the MENA, but with a contingent of about 20% from Europe. So the shopping in Dubai remains much better than other MENA destinations, and seems likely to continue to attract and serve shoppers, just as it did before the freehold boom.

And I still maintain that the Dubai freehold boom was not a bubble, but was (mostly) an innocent victim of US Presidents Clinton, Bush, Jr. and their idiotic economic policies.

Gitex 2009

2009-10-25T01:30:00.000+04:00

My first Gitex, some years ago, I was overwhelmed with the new technology.

This Gitex, I went to the Home of the Future. They had a display of a new charger system for those with multiple devices constantly in need of recharging, but whose flat has only one plug. The system could simultaneously recharge three devices and only needed one outlet.

'How does it work?' I asked. The exhibitor said, 'I'll show you,' and picked up one of the devices. The alarm went off, thinking the exhibitor was trying to steal the device. The alarm was quite loud, and none of the exhibitors knew how to turn it off, so I slipped away, not wanting to remain around as the ultimate cause, if not the proximate offender. And, in any case, I couldn't hear what the exhibitor was saying over the alarm.

Then I wandered into a talk on social networking. Basically, every young, with-it person is now part of multiple social networks, while we old fogies aren't.

I recall a paper newspaper reporter talking about her joining Facebook after being 'invited' by her daughter, who had access since the daughter was a student at Harvard (NB: the mother had gotten into Harvard only because her parents were from Harvard; her daughter had gotten into Harvard entirely on merit, without regard to her parents). What the reporter didn't say was that Facebook originally had no search function: you were offered to 'poke' only those Facebook members at your own university, and those whose Facebook accounts you already knew, so the reporter poked her own daughter, but was rebuffed. The mother's only friend was the default Facebook friend. Facebook is no longer like that: you no longer need either to be a Harvard student or alumnus to join, nor do you need an invitation from a Harvard student or alumnus, but paper newspaper reporters still write articles that their children do not appreciate having their parents poking them on Facebook. Whatever 'poking on Facebook' means. (As an old fogie, I have no idea.)

Since Facebook is a closed book to me, I again wandered off, and found I'd seen most of this year's Gitex, without seeing any technology that overwhelmed me.

Mainly because I now resist all new technology, unlike five years ago when I welcomed it.

But then, five years ago was before social networking.

Columbus Day, 2009

2009-10-12T22:31:00.000+04:00

In the Kingsley Amis novel Lucky Jim, Jim is a young history lecturer whose department chair forces him to write a paper on fifteenth century European sailing ships, a paper Jim finds totally boring and useless. I suspect Mr. Amis found himself at the faculty dining table, buttonholed by one of the history faculty who was excited by a paper on the same subject as the one in the novel, and Mr. Amis made his character feel about the subject just as Mr. Amis felt, making for a great comic novel, and one I recommend.

However, the fifteenth century European sailing ship developments probably led to European domination of the entire world for several centuries, and on this day in 1492, one of the major successes took place as Columbus reached the West Indies.

In school, I was taught that Columbus was the first person to realise the world was round. This, as it happens, was a facile explanation for school children. The real story was the Italians had developed a ship that could beat against the wind, and were building a fleet with which to dominate the Med. Columbus took the ideas to Spain, and others took the ideas to Portugal, and both Spain and Portugal began sailing: Spain heading west and Portugal south against the prevailing winds.

Before the fifteenth century, all ships used oarsmen when they had to travel against the wind, which usually meant that their holds were full of oarsmen, who, when rowing, needed lots of food and water. The Vikings managed to row to Iceland and set up a viable colony, and managed to row to Greenland and Canada, but their ships could hold so few women and provisions that both the Greenland and Canadian colonies failed.

But a ship that travels under sail without any oarsmen has a hold that can be filled with food, water, passengers, horses, sheep, cows, and matériel. However, without oarsmen, it must either be able to beat against the wind, or else it can only run before the wind. The 1066 invasion of England used sailing ships that could only run before the wind, and the Normans had to sit and wait for favourable winds. Hoping for all favourable winds is not really an option when exploring new parts of the globe.

Columbus had favourable East winds for two weeks, and feared a mutiny: if the ship ran out of water and no land had been found, there would be no way to get back to Europe before everyone died horrible deaths from thirst. Then the winds turned Westerly, and the crew relaxed, knowing that, as long as they were beating against a strong headwind, they could quickly make it back to Spain when the water began to run low. The crew allowed Columbus to beat against the wind for two more months until they spotted land, which would not have been possible before the European fifteenth century sailing ship.

Which was why my imputed history faculty member was so excited about the paper, and why he button-holed Mr. Amis, providing Mr. Amis with the opening scene for Lucky Jim.

Cityscape, Dubai, 2009

2009-10-08T22:20:00.001+04:00

Not being a Real Estate professional or investor, I hadn't heard of Cityscape, but this morning Farook called and asked me to go with him 'for an hour or so.' I should have known.

First, we had to pick up Farook's nephew who needs a job. The Arab extended family tends to be close knit, so Farook must help his nephew. (I should note that they are not Citizens of the UAE.) As best I can tell, Farook invited me along because he thought I might be able to help.

'What is your university degree?' I asked. Before he could answer, Farook said, 'He engineer.' 'What kind?' 'R-squared.'

I have no idea what that might be, but Farook volunteered, 'He engineer buildings.' 'Oh, in English we call that a civil engineer.' 'No, he not civil.' So I have no idea what the nephew's degree is in. It is clear that the nephew went to school in Egypt and speaks absolutely no English, so, even if I did know a place that was hiring, they wouldn't be able to use Farook's nephew, since I only know places where the main language is English and where the Director only speaks English. For Arab owned and operated places that only do business in Arabic, Farook knows much better than I. So, as usual with Farook, I had no idea why I was dragged along.

Cityscape is a travelling International Property exhibition, with many nations and developments trying to sell properties, including, of course, many from the UAE, since this is the UAE Cityscape.

We first saw a water display board, and Farook approached the exhibitor and asked, 'You have smaller?' 'I'm sorry, this is the smallest we have.' 'I want buy one, but I need smaller. I take one today, but you must sell smaller one.' The negotiation for a smaller one went on for about fifteen minutes, but the exhibitor had brought his smallest one to display. I was impressed by the water display board. It drops water in the shape of letters and backlights them so the message is displayed in the water in different colours. Finally, Farook asked, 'This work in rain?' The answer is, 'Yes, if it's covered,' but the exhibitor just said, 'Yes' (after all, he's trying to sell as many of the things as he can). If rain (or anything else) comes between the backlight and the falling letters in waterdrops, the effect would be marred or spoiled. Finally Farook wandered off.

Farook spent 30 minutes to an hour at each exhibit. If it was Malaysian property, he asked, 'You have property in Thailand?' and kept asking and asking. If it was villas, he's ask for industrial properties, if industrial, he'd ask for flats. I wandered through Cityscape, which fills six large halls and has hundreds of exhibitors. Farook spoke with somewhere between half a dozen and a dozen exhibitors in the first open hall.

As I wandered through all six of the huge display halls, I saw hundreds of exhibitors selling property, selling tools to market and manage property, selling property analyses, selling anything and everything to do with properties from all over the world.

Finally, Farook saw the exhibit for the company where his son works. It is a captive loan company, rather like GMAC or Ford Finance, but for the owner's property developments, not for the owners' cars. It will only loan money to buyers of one of the owner's six developments, a fact of which Farook was well aware (but I wasn't).

It was also late, and I needed to have been home at least two hours earlier.

So Farook asked, 'You have villa for sale?' 'No we are a loan company. If you want to buy a villa, we can loan you the money to make the purchase.' 'Very good. I need villa in Fujairah.' (I should note that they are not based in Fujairah, and cannot loan on property in Fujairah.)

I tried to intervene in order to expedite matters: 'They are only a loan company. They only make loans. do not ask about villas, ask about their interest rates.'

'This haram. Interest haram. I no want interest. This Western way. West is Shaitan. West now rich, but West come down. This place is Arab place. we do things Arab way, not Western way. You no interrupt me again, I do business with these people and you just make problem.' Farook turned back to the exhibitor, 'You have villa in Sharjah?'

'No,' I said. 'They only make loans. Ask them about their loans.'

'Loans haram. I never ask about loan. You keep interrupting me, I cannot do business. I take you home and come back,' so Farook took me home, and I was grateful.

I think I know what was going on. About seven years ago, Farook was making about $100,000 a year, and the techniques he was using today worked. But Farook told me has hasn't earned anything for the last two years, and business was very slow the year before that, so his problems have nothing to do with the current crisis, but with the fact that the UAE, and especially Dubai, have changed. So, since Farook is my friend, I want to help him.

What I think Farook was doing was using a negotiating technique of which I do not approve.

First, you ask the other party totally inappropriate questions, such as, 'Very good, I like you, you sell me villa in Thailand?' when the other party is a representative of the Malaysia government selling a development in Malasia. This is just to get the other party off balance. Next, you waste time, lots of time. To the point where the other party will do anything just to get rid of you. Finally, you manage to get a great deal on whatever you were trying to buy or sell. Farook has been using this technique for years, and it used to work, but now it doesn't. Dubai, it seems, has changed. And Farook would say, not for the better. (Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for Farook's opinions, I just report them.)

Farook has no money (he spent his savings just keeping his family housed and fed for the last two years), so he is not buying any property. I was trying to tell him, 'Go get information from as many exhibitors as possible, then try to present the properties to your clients, and try for a few small commissions.'

But Farook hopes that, by getting the people off balance, they might reveal something they shouldn't. What that might be, and how he might profit from it, Farook didn't know, but a few highly profitable successes from many years ago leave hope eternal in Farook's breast.

I, however, felt bad because I can't help Farook re-start his business, and because he'd wasted a day when I had other things I really had to get done.

Comments on my last Post

2009-09-25T13:48:00.002+04:00

I got two comments on my last post, one reasonable.

As Farook says, 'Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all tell people to do good things, but then people do bad things.'

One comment said I should leave the Middle East since I hate Islam. I have no idea where he got the idea that I hate Islam, though I do not approve of Muslims who think their particular school of Islam is the only one that is correct, any more than I approve of Christians who think their sect is the only one that is correct. But my criticisms of misguided Muslims or misguided Christians are not an attack on either Islam or Christianity.

Both Christianity and Islam call themselves 'Religions of Peace,' and both, religions, I think, strive to achieve that status. I have not observed either religion achieving perfection, this world being a place of fallibility and sin.

However, any objective observer is required to admit that Islam comes much closer than Christianity to achieving the goal of being a 'Religion of Peace.' A relatively small number of people have been killed or injured in the name of misguided versions of Islam compared with those killed by misguided Christians.

World War II included one atheist nation, but most of the 50 million killed were killed by the Christian nations who took part in the war, and most of those killed were civilians. The controversial concept of a 'just war' under some versions of Christianity and Islam does not includes killing innocent civilians.

The 'War on Terror' in Iraq has resulted in more than 93,000 confirmed deaths of innocent civilians according to Iraq Body Count, and this war was initiated by Christians and largely prosecuted by Christians against people who had absolutely nothing to do with any attack on the US.

I am not condemning Christianity, but I do condemn Christians who violate Christian principles.

The commentator was also furious that I quoted a hadith about giving water to a dog and he said there can never be any such hadith in Islam. The hadith was Hadith 1:174 Narrated By Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A man saw a dog eating mud from (the severity of) thirst. So, that man took a shoe (and filled it) with water and kept on pouring the water for the dog till it quenched its thirst. So Allah approved of his deed and made him to enter Paradise."

The trouble with hadiths is that not all Muslims accept all hadiths, and the person who posted the comment obviously does not accept this one, which I grant is his right. I have a bit more trouble with his saying that no true Muslim accepts any hadiths that the author of the comment rejects, and anyone who is not 100% in agreement with the author is 100% wrong and must immediately leave the Middle East.

The comment also said that Christians should help Christians and should not expect Muslims to help Christians.

But I've known Christians who donated generously to help people in need regardless of whether the people were Christian, and who considered that to be part of their tithe, and I've known Muslims who consider it part of their Zakat to help anyone in need, regardless of the needy persons' religion.

Overall, I've seen more tolerance and hospitality in Dubai than anywhere in the West, but I know that this tolerance and hospitality does not meet with universal approval, since, in this vale of tears, nothing meets with universal approval.

Eid al Fitr, 1430

2009-09-22T01:31:00.001+04:00

Today is the third and last day of Eid al Fitr, the Islamic festival after the end of Ramadan. For the last two days, I've seen relieved smokers puffing away during the day, and most businesses are closed for the Eid (since, if they don't close, they must pay a special tax), so people have the time to stand around and smoke.

One commentator said I was 100% wrong because I didn't get all the details about Zakat correct. Zakat is the mandatory contribution every adult Muslim must make, and is approximately 2½%, but the details are a) quite complicated; and b) I wouldn't have gone into all of them if I'd known them; and c) I don't know all the details.

According to the commentator, part of Zakat must be paid during Ramadan, and it has a different name from the part that's paid in other months and the two Zakats must never be co-mingled in anyone's mind, such co-mingling being 100% wrong. The easiest way to describe Zakat is just to say that it's similar to the Christian tithe, but the word 'tithe' means 10%, and Zakat is not 10%, but saying it's similar (but a different percentage) is close enough for me.

Several years ago, a Muslim told me that all Zakat must go to Muslims; Farook says it can go to any meskin, Muslim or not. I suspect, after reading some Islamic writings, that Farook is closer to being correct than the person who said it can only go to Muslims: there's a famous Islamic saying (called a hadith) about a man who barely made it out of the desert. Almost dead, he came to a well, climbed in, and drank until he was fully revived. On climbing out, he saw a dog panting, almost dead with thirst, and climbed back in to get some water for the dog, which, the hadith assures us, was the correct thing to do. Which should mean by analogy that feeding non-Muslim meskins is acceptable.

But, as is implied by the commentator who said I was 100% wrong, these things are a) quite complicated; and b) vary between the different schools of Islam (of course, only his school has things 100% correct).

I tend to go back to my basic understanding: Zakat is an obligatory contribution every adult Muslim must make, is similar to the Christian tithe, and includes (among other things) feeding meskins after sunset during Ramadan.

Several of my sources (including the aforementioned commentator) said that the food (and/or money) handed out for Eid al Fitr should be given during Ramadan, so the recipients can prepare for a bounteous Eid. The next Eid in about 10 weeks time celebrates the time the Prophet Ibrahim (AS) (Abraham in the Anglicised form), went to sacrifice his son but was told at the last minute to sacrifice a ram instead, so for that Eid (but not this one) fathers should take a kid or lamb and their sons out to commemorate the day. There doesn't seem to be any requirement to sacrifice a kid or lamb for this Eid, Eid al Fitr.

However, my first Eid al Fitr in the UAE, I heard the bleating of lambs and kids coming from many of the villas in town the last day or two of Ramadan, and shortly after the early morning Eid prayers, I saw people leading their lambs and kids out to make a feast for Eid. I assume some of the meat went to the meskins these people knew. It's not clear where the custom of sacrificing a kid or lamb on Eid al Fitr came from, but it seems quite common in the UAE outside of Dubai.

Last of Ramadan, 1430

2009-09-19T02:25:00.003+04:00

It is now Saturday, 19 September in the Western calendar.

Today should be the 29^th and last day of Ramadan, since, according to my Chinese lunar calendar, the crescent moon should be clearly visible tonight at sunset, so tomorrow should be Eid al Fitr, the festival at the end of Ramadan. Of course, if there is a dust cloud obscuring the moon in Saudia, then the crescent won't be seen here, and tomorrow will be 30 Ramadan 1430.

As Ramadan runs down, Farook must pay his Zakat, the Islamic equivalent of the Christian tithe, only a bit less (2½% rather than 10%). Farook showed me his pot, which is huge, much too large to fit into any home cooker. On alternate nights, he either buys a goat and a 20 kg sack of rice, or a bunch of chickens and a 20 kg sack of rice, then takes them to a public oven for cooking and gives some to the Dubai religious authorities (called the Awqaf) to distribute, and distributes some himself to the meskins he knows. One of these meskins is Dubai@Random, so I've been given huge quantities of goat or chicken biriani and harees (whatever that is) every night for the last 10 days or so (and I've managed to put on several kilos as a result).

Last night, we went to a Ramadan tent. People sit around and talk from around 10 pm until 11:45 pm when they bring out six roast goats on beds of different items, plus accompaniments such as pancakes with date syrup, pasta, and beans, and everyone digs in for fifteen minutes, then goes outside the tent for tea, coffee, thanks to the host, and goodbye (in Arabic is masalama).

As we ate, I kept asking, 'What's this,' meaning, not the goat, of course but the different items on which the goats were sitting. 'Shhh,' I was told.

After, Farook explained that it is very rude to talk while eating.

'But I want to know what the dishes are called,' I tried to explain.

'Why? You must eat what is put before you. No need to know name.'

So (other than goat) I have almost no idea what I ate, except for the pasta, pancakes and beans (and they wouldn't tell me the Arabic names for the type of beans or for the pancakes or pasta).

So, after today, Eid meaning festival, for a few days, then back to what is considered normal for this part of the world.

New York Times on Dubai Financial Laws

2009-09-12T21:22:00.000+04:00

The laws in the UAE are remarkably similar, qualitatively, to the laws in the West; the differences are quantitative. In the West, if one buys something on credit, one signs a note, and, if the debtor fails to make the payments, the creditor might send someone to repossess, or might ask the courts to garnish the debtor's wages. But this is civil law, so debtors cannot be gaoled just for debt. And, as I understand it, neither must one necessarily be gaoled just for debt in the UAE.

In the West, if one knowingly writes a bad cheque, that's fraud, and one can be gaoled for fraud under the criminal law.

In Dubai, if one borrows money, the lender always demands a post-dated cheque, and, if one fails to repay, the cheque is used as proof of criminal fraud and the debtor/bad-cheque-fraudster goes to gaol.

So the laws in the West and in the UAE look similar, but in practice debtors who cannot pay usually do not go to gaol in the West, and generally do go to gaol in Dubai.

The New York Times writes that debtors in Dubai go to prison, unlike in the US where writing a fraudulent cheque is a civil offence which cannot possibly result in criminal penalties such as imprisonment. They find this terrible, and think Dubai must modernise and implement the New York City criminal and civil code.

The problem is that, on paper, the UAE laws look very similar to New York City laws: people must dress modestly in public; fraud is illegal; the rights of immigrant workers on H1 visas are similar.

But 'modest dress' has a different meaning; debtors are forced to write post-dated cheques in the UAE; and workers on H1 visas are less than 1% of US residents, but more than 80% of Dubai residents, so, as I said, the laws are qualitatively similar but quantitatively, drastically different.

Dubai Metro

2009-09-12T19:08:00.001+04:00

On Wednesday 9/9/9 at 9 pm the Dubai Metro carried a trainload of sheikhs from Mall of the Emirate to Rashidia. I have no idea where Rashidia is, but I trust the sheikhs' drivers were able to find it to deliver the sheikhs' cars.

On Thursday, 10 Sept, meskins were allowed to ride, and I meant to be among those first riders, but on 9/9/9 at 11 pm, Farook insisted I join him for shisha and discussions of the Holy Koran, and I didn't get to sleep until 6 am, and wasn't up to taking the Metro. When I finally got up Thursday evening, I found an e-mail of what was captioned as the Thursday morning, 10 Sept, first public run of the Metro, and it was empty.

For the last 10 days of Ramadan, devout Muslims spend much of each night (especially the odd numbered nights of Ramadan) inside the mosque, so I was not shishaed out Friday night, and made it to the bus stop today. Two busses pick up travellers from my stop, one goes to Union Square (next to Al Ghurair Mall) and the other to Bur Juman Mall. The bus to Union Square came first, so I got on and read the local paper about how great the new Metro was.

The Union Square Station is underground (as is the station at Bur Juman, called the Khalid bin Waleed Station, since Bur Juman refused to pay to have its name on the station). I went to a machine, but the machine only recharges tickets, so I had to buy a ticket first. I stood in line until I reached the teller who said her computer wasn't working. So I had to get in another line and wait until I reached the next teller.

There are First Class tickets (called Gold Tickets) and Cattle Class tickets (called Silver Tickets) and I got a Gold Ticket. I wanted to put $25.50 on the ticket, but the teller only took $5.50 and gave me a ticket and $20 change. Of the $5.50, $2 was for the card, and $3.50 was for fares on the Metro or on Dubai buses.

They announced the next train, so I tried to race to the platform, but the station was congested, and I missed the train. By the time the next train arrived, there was quite a crowd on the Gold platform, and I was crammed into the already full train by the people behind me. Not only were all the seats filled, so were all the straps, so I couldn't even find a strap on which to hang. The Gold Car was the front half of the front car, so, had the front window not been completely filled with people, I would have had a great view of the Metro's progress.

We stopped at the Khalid bin Waleed station, where a large crowd was waiting, but there was no room. We skipped the next station (not yet finished) and stopped at Jaffiliya, which is where the Immigration Department is located. Again a crowd, and again no room.

We skipped a couple of stations then stopped at the Dubai Financial Centre, then skipped a few more stations, and finally ended up at Mall of the Emirates, where I pushed my way off the train. The Mall of the Emirates station is small, with only a few tellers and machines and long queues to use them, so I thought I'd recharge my card when I got back to the larger Khalid bin Waleed or Union Square Station.

I made a quick trip to Carrefour at the Mall, then went back to the train. A long queue was waiting to get on. When a train arrived, a few people managed to cram onto the already full train, and the queue moved slowly forward. Eventually, I was crammed into the Gold car, where, again, all seats and straps were already taken. Going back from Emirates Mall, the Gold car was the last half of the last car at the end of the train. If this was First Class, I can only shudder to imagine conditions in the Cattle Class (Silver) cars.

When I got back to Khalid bin Waleed Station (i.e., Bur Juman Mall), my card didn't have enough for the $4.50 round trip fare, but it let me out of the train with a $1 deficit. It's not clear why I really had to pay the deficit, but I paid it anyway, plus what I thought would be enough for the bus home.

However, when I used my Metro Card on the bus, no money was deducted. The newspapers had announced that, if one uses the Metro, the Feeder buses (labelled 'F' buses) are free, but I didn't take an F bus; however, it appears that, if your bus leaves from a Metro station, there's no additional charge to take the bus from the station to your final destination.

So my ride left me with one question (but two parts):

Once the novelty has worn off, will riders be able to find seats, or at least straps, a) in First Class? b) in Cattle Class?

I noticed that a lot of the riders had neither silver nor gold cards, but just one-day (or one-way, or single round trip) tickets, so many of the riders were strictly there for the novelty. Many drove to a station at one end of the line and purchased a round trip ticket to the station at the other end, and do not plan to use the Metro for commuting, they only wanted to ride it one time just to see what it was like.

And, of course, it was clear that the video of an empty train was taken Wednesday on a Press run where only card-carrying photo journalists were allowed, and, at least for the first weekend, it was not representative of an actual rider's experience.

So I'll be riding again in a week or so, to see how things are progressing.

18 Ramadan 1430: Farook's Zakat

2009-09-08T02:02:00.003+04:00

There are only 11 days left in Ramadan. It's not clear to me that the Muslim tithe called zakat must be paid during Ramadan, but many Muslims try to pay a significant portion of it during this month.

For his zakat Farook donates iftars to the poor, and Dubai@Random qualifies, so Farook wanted to give me an iftar. I had just gotten home and turned on Ramadan Murder Mysteries, a regular feature on MBC4 every Ramadan, when my phone rang and Farook said he was desperate to see me, but he had no vehicle. So I had to walk across Karama to meet Farook in a shisha parlour near his flat.

When I arrived, Farook gave me a very late iftar or a very early sohour, consisting of hamees and biriani. Farook bought 20 kg of what he said was mutton, but which tasted more like goat, 20 kg of rice, and some wheat, then he took the lot to a public oven that cooked it all up into a rather spicy harees (goat and wheat cooked until it forms a paste) and goat biriani, which means goat and rice. Now he has to distribute the result to the poor, called meskins, who include Dubai@Random, so he was desperate to see me and give me some harees and biriani. Which, I have to admit, were quite tasty after walking across Karama.

Farook's biriani is quite spicy (at his insistence: I assume the public oven would omit the chili if the customer didn't want it), so we washed it down with diet soda and mint tea.

In Christendom, it is customary to give gifts (generally cash) at Christmas to the workers who provide service all year, e.g., security guards for people living in flats with security guards, porters & etc. In the Islamic world, it is customary to give the poor workers who provide service a little cash for Eid, but this should be given several days before Eid so they will have the money to buy the things they need to have a proper Eid celebration. So, for those people living in flats with security guards, it's time to start thinking about envelopes for Eid, which should be in about 12 days.

Dubai Holy Koran Contest

2009-09-05T14:55:00.000+04:00

Thursday, Farook invited me to iftar, which meant he picked me up at 5:30 pm even though iftar wasn't until 6:45. Farook believes it is very dangerous to continue the fast for even one minute past the first sound of the azan, so he didn't want to be late.

Actually, even being on time to an iftar can be a big disappointment at many of the Dubai iftars: they try to put out just enough food for the expected crowd (which is difficult to predict); as a result, diners who arrive early and fill their plates have often exhausted the iftar buffet long before the iftar actually begins. The early diners, having filled their plates (several plates per person) must sit until the azan sounds without eating or drinking, but by being prepared, they can start on their dates and water at the very first sound of the azan. And, by being early, they ensure that they get some of the whole roast goat, which is usually the first thing that runs out.

I suggested the Al Nasr Ramadan tent, a tent where, if I can't convince a friend to join me, I'm usually the only one at the iftar. It's Anglo-Egyptian, meaning taboulli and fatoush salads, followed by chicken and mushrooms, grilled fish with tomato sauce, and mutton biriani, followed by custard and umm Ali, so an Arabic start, mixed Arab-English entrées, and mixed Arabic-English desserts. They put out enough for about six people, so Farook and I had more than we could eat, and no competition.

About five years ago, the Al Nasr Ramadan tent was about $5.50, but it's gone up to $10.75. A nearby iftar was about $6 five years ago (when I'd alternate between it and Al Nasr) but the other iftar has gone up to $20, so I stick with Al Nasr. Hotel iftars used to cost about $8 five years ago, and I'd go to several during Ramadan, but most hotels charge $50 or more now, which is out of my price range.

Farook tried to bargain them down by saying, 'There are better iftars with whole roasted goat for only $8, so why you charge $10.75?' Of course, there aren't really any such iftars any more (though there were many such just a few years ago), but Farook has to try.

After we'd finished eating, Farook waddled off to pray. When he got back, he asked the (Indian) waiter for a shisha. 'We no have shisha, sir. I sorry.' I, however, could see a large pile of hookahs in a corner, and they didn't look at all dusty, rusty, and abandoned. A young Egyptian wandered past, and Farook recognised a fellow Arab and ordered a shisha, which lasted until the evening call to prayer when Farook had to go pray. After the evening prayer, 1/30th of the Holy Koran is read every night during Ramadan, but Farook skipped that reading and took me to the Dubai International Holy Koran Contest.

Every Ramadan, Dubai has a Holy Koran Contest for Citizens, one for permanent residents, and one for the winners of national contests who come to Dubai from all over the world.

At 9:30 pm, the first contestant, who was from Lebanon, picked a slip of paper with three verses (called ayas) from the Holy Koran out of a jar next to a person called the Secretariat, who is a UAE Citizen. The contestant then handed the slip of paper to one of the five judges, one each from Pakistan, Morocco, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Kuwait. The judge then recited the first verse. Recitation of the Holy Koran must follow some very complex rules which I don't understand, but it's not at all like normal speech. The contestant must then repeat the recitation of that verse and then continue reciting the following verses of that chapter (called a surah) for about ten minutes until the judge says to stop. I think the contestant made one mistake, because the judge rang a bell and the audience said (in Arabic) 'Go back,' to encourage the contestant to go back to a verse he recalled perfectly and re-start. Farook said he didn't get a very good score because he had a pronounced lisp of all his sibilants.

Then on to the next two verses, and then on to the next three contestants, one each from Lebanon, Guinea-Bissau, and the Philippines. Some of the contestants got stuck, and the judge would help them out. Some got lots of bells.

At 11:30, we got a break where they passed out boxed snacks and cups of water. A little after midnight, we started with the last three contestants, one each from Thailand, Barbados, and Sierra Leone. The poor candidate from Barbados couldn't pronounce one Arabic word correctly. Even after the judge spoke the word, when the contestant tried to repeat it, the bell rang. Eventually, he had to skip that verse and try to proceed from the next verse.

For the contest, all the contestants were dressed in their Friday best (Friday being the Islamic equivalent of what Sunday is in Christendom).

Finally, about 2 a.m., all seven contestants had completed their recitations. One of the judges gave a speech thanking the contestants, and 20 members of the audience were selected at random to receive prizes. Since I wasn't one of the 20, and since everything was in Arabic, I have no idea what the prizes were.

Finally, Farook dropped me off at my home, quite exhausted.

3 Sept

2009-09-03T16:56:00.000+04:00

Seventy years ago today, Britain and France declared war on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland, but had prepared a scene 'proving' that Poland had waged an unprovoked invasion of Germany, an invasion that had been repulsed by the German Army. Then, given this provocation, the German Army had counter-attacked Poland. No reputable historian believes the staged 'Polish invasion of Germany,' even though Hitler showed dead men in Polish uniforms on German soil (I'm sure there are some disreputable historians who believe Hitler's version, and, had Germany won the war, this would be the version in all the European history books, though Poland would never have wished or dared to attack Germany.) Britain and France had agreed to protect Poland from any aggression, but Hitler hoped they would use the excuse he gave them that the German 'counter-attack' was a reprisal against Polish aggression, for which neither Britain nor France was obligated to assist Poland.

But Britain and France, who had agreed to let Hitler have Czechoslovakia, declared war. It is not altogether clear why, since it cost them their empires. Had they not declared war, Hitler might have settled for annexing all lands east of Germany, leaving lands west of Germany in peace. Or not.

Churchill had wanted a regime change as soon as Hitler was elected in '33 on a platform that was in violation of the treaty of Versailles and racist. Clearly, regime change would have been facile in the extreme in '33. But perceptions were in Hitler's favour back then: in 1800, most Germanic people lived in what the map calls 'Small States.' As hyperbolised by Terry Pratchett, the Kings of these states had to take out their own trash and mow their own palace lawns when they had some time off from sitting in state. Then a movement to form a single country with all Europe's Germanic people attracted most of Germanic people outside the Austrian Empire and Switzerland, and a large country called (in English) Germany formed in the late 19th century, annexing predominantly German regions, including parts of France. Germany had only a few tiny colonies, since Germany did not exist in the age of empire building, and only knew the mercantile model, where an Imperial Industrial power needed colonies to provide raw materials and markets for finished products, so, in 1914, Germany was anxious for a war that would provide colonies, and France was anxious for a war to restore French territories lost in the creation of Germany.

Germany lost in 1918, and all the eastern German lands were given to Poland, the southern lands were used to form Czechoslovakia, the formerly French bits filled with Germanic people were returned to France, and a tiny state formed of the centre of the former Germany signed the Treaty of Versailles to abandon all militarization and limit its industrialisation, and to pay all the German gold and much of the German GDP in reparations, leaving a tiny, weak, impoverished nation that could never again threaten the Great Powers of Britain and France.

Hitler wanted all the lands expropriated in 1918 returned, and, by 1934, many agreed that the Treaty of Versailles had been unfair, and that much of what was taken from Germany should be returned. Churchill did not agree with those willing to forgive and forget Germany's attempt to become a great power, and to overlook the racist aspects of Hitler's policies that relegated ethnic Jews and Roma to the status of vermin to be exterminated and Slavs to the status of slaves.

In '38, Churchill said that, with Czechoslovakia's 15 divisions, the war would have been difficult but winnable. Waugh wrote that, in '38, the war would have been for 'the wrong reasons, or for no reason at all, with the wrong allies, in painful weakness.' Waugh agreed that the war was a war of necessity in '39, when Germany overran Poland with no British or French opposition, and then, in '40, Germany turned West, and quickly defeated the combined Anglo-French Army, occupied all of France, and convinced most of the world that occupation of Britain would be a matter of weeks. As it happened, this seems to have neglected the British Navy that dissuaded the Germans from trying a naval invasion.

Still, Churchill was right that Britain could not remain indifferent to a regime determined to exterminate all Jews and Roma and to enslave all Slavs.

11 Ramadan 1430

2009-09-01T02:30:00.000+04:00

Several commenters have given links to Islamic website explaining the 'true' meaning of Ramadan. This, however, is like checking out the website of the Archbishop of Canterbury to see how the English really celebrate Christmas. One would certainly get a normative view, but not a descriptive view. In addition, at least in Christianity, there are websites for the Anglicans, the Calvinists, the Vatican, the Southern Baptists and many other sects, so it's very difficult to tell from any one website how Christians really celebrate Christmas, and I rather suspect the same is true for Islamic websites.

Readers who are interested will find the addresses of the Islamic websites in the comments. Dubai@Random is about what he's seen of how the people in Dubai actually celebrate Ramadan while wandering around at random.

Ramadan emphasises two of the five pillars of Islam: fasting and charity. Muslims, after fasting all day, are supposed to think of those to whom they should be giving their charity for the year, and about distributing that charity.

Farook gives iftar meals to the poor, and this is one acceptable way to distribute charity. Other Muslims give their charity in other ways. But during Ramadan, every Muslim I've met tries to get closer to perfect submission to God.

Ramadan Kareem

2009-08-23T10:09:00.003+04:00

Today is the second day of Ramadan, which started Friday at sunset. For those new to the region, 'Kareem' means, according to my dictionary, 'generous, bountiful, gracious, noble'. The other common greeting is 'Ramadan Mubarak.' 'Mubarak' means 'blessed'. A rough translation, then, of 'Ramadan Kareem' would be, 'Have a Bountiful Ramadan,' while 'Ramadan Mubarak' would translate as 'Have a Blessed Ramadan.'

It is said that Ramadan requires Muslims to fast during the day, but this is a simplification: fasting is from 'dawn' until a few minutes after sunset, and 'dawn' is not a precisely defined term. In the UAE, 'dawn' begins exactly 90 minutes before sunrise, and a cannon sounds to tell people to start fasting. The azan, or call to prayer, then comes exactly ten minutes later.

One or two minutes after sunset, the cannon and the azan sound together, calling people to prayer and telling them to stop fasting.

From the time the 'dawn' cannon sounds until the sunset cannon and azan, all Muslim men must fast, meaning nothing by mouth. Not just no food, but also no water and no smoking. The not eating isn't really that hard, but the lack of water (not to mention coffee and tea) is difficult.

Here in the UAE, I have met many Muslims who say, as does the local newspaper, that the fast must be ended as soon as one first hears the azan or the cannon, that it is dangerous to extend the fast any longer, so the advice is to keep some dates and a bottle of water handy, and to eat a few dates and drink a little water as the azan begins. Some Muslims, having eaten their dates and taken a few sips of water, proceed to the mosque for the sunset prayer, and this is what the newspaper recommends: break the fast with a few dates and water, but then wait before dining 'in moderation.'

However, I've seen many Muslims who go to sunset buffets and who continue eating for half an hour or so after the azan sounds. Typically, the sunset buffet will have nothing left half an hour after the azan sounds, so then it's time to waddle over to the mosque.

Breaking the fast is called iftar, whether it's just a few dates and a few sips of water, or an immense banquet. During the Bush, Jr. administration, to show that the US was not against Islam, but only against Islamic terrorists, Condoleeza Rice invited the Muslim diplomats in Washington to an iftar consisting of a few pieces of candy (she couldn't find any dates) and a small bottle of water. They returned the favour, in typical Arab fashion, by inviting her to a magnificent banquet the following Ramadan, far more lavish than the iftar buffets served in Dubai.

I knew several Muslim men before coming to the UAE, but none ever excused himself from lunch saying, 'I'm sorry, but it's Ramadan.' Apparently, all used the dispensation that travellers are not required to fast until they return home, when they must make up the missed fast. So the first I ever heard about Ramadan was upon my arrival in the UAE. I was warned that it would be a novel experience. The warnings proved correct.

Beginning about an hour before Ramadan, everyone rushes to get home. Most people are already home by then, but those still out feel they must get home before the azan. My first few years in the UAE, during the hour before sunset, taxis drove more than 120 kph to ensure that their passengers, as well as the drivers, would be somewhere to enjoy iftar.

That first Ramadan in the UAE, I signed up for a lecture explaining what it was all about. I paid about £3 for a huge iftar and lecture, held in a tent. I arrived at the tent, and saw the other guests filling their plates, then sitting down but not eating, so I did the same. Finally, the azan sounded, and everyone took a few dates, some water, and then started on the soups, salads, and main dishes. Then a man got up on the podium, and I waited for the lecture:

'Thank you for coming to our presentation about Ramadan. Our speaker just informed me that Ramadan is about family, so he will be having iftar with his family and will not be able to join us.'

So we continued eating until all the food was gone, which took about 30 minutes, then we all waddled out and went home.

Ms. Rice hadn't read much about Ramadan (nor had I before I came to the UAE, but I wasn't a Secretary of State), or she would have known that British travel writers who had visited the region sometimes called it the 'Feast of Ramadan,' rather than the fast of Ramadan.

I met a woman with both a Saudi and an American passport, so she knew about both Thanksgiving and Ramadan. Every day, for the month of Ramadan, Muslim housewives must prepare the feast to be eaten that night, not unlike American or Canadian Thanksgiving. The meat dishes for Ramadan are goat and chicken rather than turkey, and the vegetable side dishes are different from what the typical American family serves, but the meals are similar in size, complexity, and the effort expected of the housewives.

If the first big meal is at sunset, it is called iftar; if iftar only consists of a few dates and a few sips of water, I'm not sure what the first big meal is called. But it is indeed a large feast, enough to make up for the day's fast. The local newspaper here always says it should not be a heavy meal, but a light meal, since fasting means eating and drinking in moderation between sunset and 'dawn.' This is an admonition more honoured in the breach than the observance.

During Ramadan, there will be many iftar buffets in Dubai. The commercial ones will be lavish banquets. Once, these were sold at very low prices for Ramadan, but those days are past, and now prices of more than $100 are not uncommon. But there will also be free iftars provided for the poor by mosques and other charitable organisations, generally consisting of a few dates, a sizeable dish of rice and either mutton or chicken, a bottle of water, a cup of juice, and a piece of fruit.

Many restaurants will be open all night during Ramadan (when it's not Ramadan, they close at various times between 10 pm and midnight).

There will also be some tents that serve a free meal at midnight, but if this meal has a name, I don't know it.

Around two or two and a half hours before sunrise, most Muslims will have their last meal before fasting starts, called sohour.

And then the cannon will sound. People will put away the remains of sohour, cigarette smokers will stub out their cigarettes, and the waiters in the shisha parlours will come by and take away the hookahs.

Then Muslims will fast until the cannon sounds for iftar.

29 Shaaban 1430

2009-08-20T15:11:00.004+04:00

Tonight, as it does on the 29th of every Islamic month, the Moonsighting Committee will go out and look for the new crescent moon, called the hilal. Different Islamic communities may disagree about whether or not the hilal was sighted, so the day of the Islamic month can vary between communities by as much as four days, giving the impression that there is a choice in when to start the new month; however, once the first of a month has been declared, the only decision that can be made is on the 29th of the month, when the hilal is either seen or not seen.

Today is the 29th of Shaaban in the UAE, so tonight the Moonsighting Committee must go out, and if the hilal is seen tonight, it will be the first of Ramadan in the UAE; if it is not seen, tomorrow will be the 30th of Shaaban, and sunset tomorrow will be the start of Ramadan.

For the UAE, the committee has scientific instruments to guarantee an accurate sighting. The Committee will go out around 6 pm. Sunset is at 6:51 tonight, and the hilal crescent sets just after sunset, so the Committee will make its decision around 9 pm, after checking and re-checking their instruments. The instruments in question consist of mobile phones. At around 8:00 tonight, the Saudi Moonsighting Committee will issue its decision, this will be relayed to the UAE Moonsighting Committee, and if the Saudi Committee saw the hilal, the UAE Moonsighting Committee will have seen the hilal; if the Saudi Committee did not see the hilal, neither will the UAE Moonsighting Committee have seen the hilal.

Last year, Dubai published a Ramadan Calendar about a month before Ramadan, and it turned out to be accurate. Since Saudi gives a cash award to the first person to see the hilal, right after sunset in Saudi, it is guaranteed that people will rush to shout, 'I saw it,' to the chair of the Moonsighting Committee. Then, however, the chair may say, 'Yes, my son, go collect your reward,' or he may reply, 'No, my son, you are mistaken.'

I have no idea how the Saudi Moonsighting Committee decides whether or not the hilal has actually been seen by the persons claiming to have seen it: one year, the hilal that was seen was necessarily the old crescent, not the new crescent, since it was seen before the moon was actually new. In any case, the decision of the Committee is final, and as soon as the decision of the Saudi Moonsighting Committee is communicated to the UAE Moonsighting Committee, the decision of the UAE Moonsighting Committee will be final as well.

So today I heard a group arguing whether the Committee would see the hilal tonight, with one old man saying he was certain they would, and several shebabs equally certain that they would not.

But we'll know around 9 pm tonight.

Up and across

2009-08-04T23:59:00.000+04:00

Not long ago I saw the movie, 'Up;' yesterday, I had a part to play in it.

In the movie, a crotchety old man is approached by a young boy who must assist an elderly person in order to get an essential badge to advance in a strange organisation that is somewhat like The Boy Scouts, only different for purposes of making a movie.

And yesterday, as I was waiting to cross a busy street, an Emirati shebab gently took my arm and said, 'Please, sir, let me help you cross the street.'

While I strive to achieve excellence in my crotchetiness, I could see that the shebab needed his merit badge, so I let him help me across.

'Where are you going?' he asked.

'Well, sonny,' I replied, trying to effect a toothless accent, ''mmm on mmm' way to Wafi.'

'I'm going to Wafi. I'll help you,' the shebab offered.

After awhile, he released my arm, and, shortly thereafter, I looked back and saw that he had stopped in his progress toward Wafi, seeing that I seemed quite capable of making it on my own, so I called back, 'Thanks greatly,' and continued on my way, trusting that he'll get his badge. He certainly deserves it.

A Trip to a Department of Health Clinic

2009-07-28T15:20:00.000+04:00

Farook called on Sunday to ask me to join him at 9:00 a.m. sharp on Monday morning, so I was waiting for him and he picked me up for a trip to Satwa.

Near me are two supermarkets. One has mushrooms for $1.50 a packet and capsicum for $2.50 a kilo; the other has mushrooms for $2 a packet and capsicum for $1.25 a kilo. So I try to buy mushrooms at the first market and capsicum at the second, unless I have a senior moment and get my purchases backward. So I understand trying to save money, but I won't wait in a queue for two hours to get mushrooms for $1.25 a packet when I can pick up a packet instantly by paying an extra 25¢.

Farook had a medical report for his daughter (the younger one, not the one that just had a baby and made him a grandfather). I have no idea what the report was about, since a) Farook made sure I didn't get a close look; and b) it was all in Arabic. But he needed to get it stamped by a Department of Health Clinic, and, for reasons that escape me, he decided to use the one in Satwa.

I have quoted an unknown source before that, in a Middle Eastern queueing system, the queues are always as wide as the number of people queuing, and only one person deep. So, with me in tow, we went past the sign that said, 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY!!!' and Farook presented the report to receive an official stamp from the Department. A long discussion ensued in Arabic. Then we went left the first office and went through another door marked 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY!!!' for another long, heated discussion in Arabic. Then back to the first office, and back to the second office, repeated several times, always with long, Arabic discussions between the person in charge and Farook.

I should note that we passed through two huge crowds, one of men from the sub-Continent and the Philippines, and the other of women from the sub-Continent and the Philippines, both queueing as patiently as Communists (a group once widely known for being the very best in the world at queuing, but now largely extinct, except in the PRC). But Farook marched straight past the crowds and past the signs prohibiting us from entering, following the traditional Middle Eastern queuing system.

Finally, Farook paid about $4, we departed, and I asked, 'What was that all about?'

It seems that the current method for getting an official medical report is to stand in the queue until your number is called, then to hand in your document for stamping with $4 to cover the cost of couriering the stamped document back to you, and Farook was trying to avoid spending the $4 by getting the stamped document handed to him.

He was told that, for $120, he could pay for same-day processing, but someone trying to avoid the expenditure of $4 is not at all inclined to hand over $120.

Officially, everyone is now supposed to have two options: 1) stand in the queue, hand over their document and $4, wait about a week for the document to be stamped and another few days to have it couriered to the requested address; or 2) stand in the queue, hand over the document and $124, have the document stamped the same day and then couriered to the requested address.

Farook, with all his wasta, was able to get the document stamped the same day and handed over to him, but he was still required to pay the $4 courier fee, even though they handed him the stamped document so there was no necessity for anything to be couriered. But under the new and improved system, everyone must pay the courier fee disirregardless, wasta or no wasta, and also fill out the official form for where to courier the document.

I assume I was along as a Western consultant to help intimidate the staff at the Clinic. If so, I was unable to spare Farook the $4 courier fee, which now seems as inevitable as death and the other usage taxes that help keep Dubai running.

Grandfather Farook in the Gold Souk

2009-07-18T12:15:00.000+04:00

As eventually happens to the majority of men today, Farook recently became a grandfather, and, as is the case in most societies, he is expected to buy a gift for his grandson.

The Arab culture, unlike the European culture, is a patriarchal society in which men rule, a society in which a man always has the final word in his own house. In other words, Farook is terrified of his wife and his eldest daughter, so he insisted I join him as he went gift shopping. My guess was that he'd ask me if I liked something, and, if I did, then he'd know it was out of the question, but if I hated the gift, then he'd be sure it would be appropriate. But, of course, inter-cultural relations are far more complicated than that.

We went to the Sharjah Gold Souk, which was an adventure in and of itself since Sharjah has closed the main road leading to the Souk, the only road Farook knows, and he didn't know any other ways to get there, so he kept rolling down his window and asking directions to the Gold Souk. Sharjah has several institutions that go by that name, and the cars we pulled next to and shouted at kept directing Farook toward souks he knew and did not like. 'They tell me way to harami souk,' he explained, 'harami souk' being the Arabic for 'den of thieves,' but we finally found the gold souk Farook was looking for.

We went in and Farook said, 'You have tola 21K pure gold?'

'Why?' I asked. 'Pure gold is 24K.'

'I want them to think I know nothing.'

I understand a seller trying to convince the buyer that the seller knows nothing and is letting a real gem go for the price of a zircon (when he's letting a real zircon go for the price of a diamond), but it's not at all clear to me how it helps if the buyer convinces the seller that he knows absolutely nothing.

In the UAE gold souks, every shop starts with the actual price of the gold (non-negotiable, weight times published, official price) plus a 'service charge' (completely negotiable). Farook maintained that the shops buy gold wholesale, and the official price is the retail price, so a good bargainer can get gold below the official price. If this is true, I've never seen anyone manage to achieve this feat. Nor did Farook.

He found a bar of gold for which the official price was $90, and, after weighing and multiplying, the clerk offered to let Farook have it for $130. Farook offered $85. I suggested they compromise at $107, and Farook said I should have supported his offer of $85, not offered more, but, finally, the deal was done and Farook had $90 worth of gold for which he'd paid $107 (and he got two cups of 'free' tea out of the deal).

Than he began agonising: 'You think my daughter will think this too small? No, it is a gift, and a gift can be anything, it is not the size that counts. No, my wife and daughter will be angry.' & etc.

So we went for a hookah. Farook wanted us to get two hookahs, but I said I can't manage more than half, and didn't want to waste one, so we ended up sharing. I suppose I should stop clinging to the past, when the proper name for the pipe was a hookah, as smoked by your typical Caterpillar in Wonderland, and use the modern English word, shisha.

In any case, gold in hand we went to a shisha parlour in Ajman, where a shisha is around $2.50 (the cheapest in Dubai is around $5). The parlour was a bit more primitive than the parlours in Dubai, and it had a raised platform.

We stepped up onto the platform and were searching for a couple of empty chairs when I managed to trip and fall on my face. They helped me up and I made it to a chair and shared a shisha with Farook, and we finally made it home around midnight.

This morning, Farook called at 9 am, picked me up, and we went to wander through some more gold shops to buy a bit more gold to go with what Farook bought yesterday.

As I said, in this strictly patriarchal society, Farook is absolutely terrified of what his wife and eldest daughter will think of his gift to his first grandson.

Summer is Ycummin In

2009-06-18T06:00:00.002+04:00

It is the time of year when Secret Dubai's favourite yellow worm Modesh appears all over Dubai, and also the time of year when the US report on Human Trafficking comes out.

As has happened almost every year since 2002, the local newspapers have had to put in ads for the yellow worm and also to comment on the US report.

I shall leave the yellow worm to others, but about the US report, a little history:

In 2000, President Clinton signed, among his other departure bills, an order that every year the US State Department would prepare a 'name and shame' list on Trafficking in Persons. So, in July, 2001, the Bush administration put out the first report. There were three categories, Tier 1 (excellent), Tier 2 (OK, but could be better) and Tier 3 (rotten). The UAE was one of 23 countries in the rotten category, and all because of the fact that the UAE used small boys as jockeys in the traditional camel races.

No one in the UAE noticed the US report in 2001, but in 2002, someone noticed and took strong action: All the UAE newspapers reported that no boy under the age of 17 could work as a camel jockey, that every single jockey riding in races in the UAE was now at least 17, and there were absolutely no exceptions. The newspapers mentioned that some boys under the minimum age required by UAE labour law had been helping with the camels in order to learn the business (not actually racing them) but the UAE had banned all child labour, and all those children had been sent back to their home countries with their parents.

As a reward, in 2003 the UAE got put up into Tier 1 for one year for 'most improved.' Tier 1 is usually reserved for Western Europe (the US does not rate itself), so in 2004, the UAE was back to Tier 2, where, by the definitions of the report, it seemed to belong.

Then, in 2005, some nosy American tourist actually went to see a camel race, and the UAE was back in Tier 3, worst of the worst. Note that I said all the UAE newspapers reported that no one under 17 could be a camel jockey, that didn't mean that any of the five-year olds lost their jobs and got shipped home until they grew too big to continue racing, say seven or so.

The UAE response was a furious editorial that the US had absolutely no right to criticise other nations. The apoplectic article had no mention of any Arab nation being criticised, so I Googled the nations mentioned in the article, Bolivia, Burma, Cambodia, Cuba and a few others and found the report. The UAE and other GCC states then really banned child camel jockeys and replaced them all with remote-controlled devices, called robots, that steer and whip the camels.

By now, the US had broken the Tier 2, i.e., 'Ok, but could do better,' category into 2 and 2W, or, as the Brits might say, into a 2-1 and a 2-2. The 'W' stood for 'watch closely.' And, having verified that the children had finally been removed from the camel races, the US put the UAE back up to Tier 2W in 2006, where it remained for two years. In 2008, the UAE was promoted from 2W to 2, but for 2009, the UAE is back down to Tier 2W.

The UAE newspapers have reported that the government has set up elaborate facilities to guarantee that Human Trafficking is being throttled in the UAE, and that trafficked persons are regularly rescued. This has been a regular feature of the UAE newspapers for the last three years. The newspaper reports tend to focus on the police rescuing young women lured to the UAE by the promise of a legitimate job only to find that their employer was much like the first London employer of Fanny Hill. The newspapers also report improved conditions for the labourers.

But, after what happened with the boy jockeys, the US no longer gives much credence to statements about reforms in the labour law published in the local newspapers.

So, as usual, there was the requisite apoplectic article condemning the US report in all the local newspapers.

The irate article for 2009 says that the UAE is rated at an unfairly low level because the US keeps changing the definition of trafficking.

The definition of trafficking has always been:

(a) sex trafficking in which a commercial sex act is induced by force, fraud, or coercion, or in which the person induced to perform such act has not attained 18 years of age; or (b) the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, or obtaining of a person for labor or services, through the use of force, fraud or coercion for the purpose of subjection to involuntary servitude, peonage, debt bondage, or slavery.

One suspects that an article in the UK newspaper The Independent had something to do with the US giving the UAE a 2W rating.

The situation is not quite as universally appalling as The Independent suggested.

According to the article, labourers are lured to the UAE by fraud: they are promised huge salaries, then paid less than they were earning back in their home countries if they get paid at all. If true, this would clearly fit the definition of trafficking.

I am familiar with the median wages, and the labourers typically earn about five times as much in the UAE as in their home countries. As claimed, since they took large loans in order to obtain their position, they are indentured servants, but, for the most part, they were not defrauded. They knew that they would be leaving their families and earning no money for two or three years until the loan was paid off, then they understood that they would be sending four year's pay home every year after that until they turn 60 and go home to retire, rich by the standards of their home countries. There are reports of some unscrupulous employers who do not pay workers their full salary, and reports of employers who do not pay their workers at all, but these are exceptions rather than typical.

It is true, however, that when I first arrived in the UAE, a local paper had an article by a lawyer about local law for newcomers. A reader asked, 'My employer hasn't paid me for six months. What can I do?' Answer: 'Unless your employer gives you a written release, you must continue to work for the full term of your contract.' This, again, qualifies as trafficking.

That particular law, according to the local newspapers, has been changed: Workers who have not been paid have the right to complain to the labour authority, who can give them the written release from their employer they need in order to either take another job or legally leave the country.

It is also true that the US is not terribly consistent in how it applies and interprets the definition.

The definition covers all those who (in violation of UAE law) borrow money to buy their UAE visas and so come here as indentured servants who must hand over their salaries until they have repaid the loan. (But this is also true of some workers who go to the US on an H1B visa, but just because some people illegally pay to buy US H1B visas does not make the US guilty of Trafficking in Persons: US immigration routinely turns away Emerson's hobgoblin if it tries to get in.)

The current situation in the UAE, the real situation, would seem to be Tier 2: There are some abuses in the UAE; since the UAE has been making a reasonable effort to stop the abuses, it is not Tier 3; but, as the definition of Tier 2 says, the UAE could do better.

Reminders of my Father

2009-06-14T20:51:00.001+04:00

As Jonathan Swift wrote back in the 18th century, taking disputes to the courts certainly resolves the disputes: He said he had a dispute about a horse, and, after the lawyers finished, the lawyers owned the horse, and Mr. Swift and the party he was either suing or being sued by no longer had a horse to argue about. It was not a resolution Mr. Swift appreciated, to judge by the tone of his essay.

Over the last year, two people I know found themselves mixed up in two separate disputes that they do not wish to take to court. They both want someone who will listen to their disputes and whose decision as to who owes what to whom will be respected.

This reminded me of my father, who was often called upon to play that role.

It's not an easy role to acquire, but everyone always seemed to accept my father's decision. And he never accepted the slightest remuneration for his services in these matters.

So people like my father tend to be in great demand but very short supply. Somehow, they must have a je ne sais quoi (and je ne sais how to get it) that makes all parties agree that their decision was fair and just, so the dispute is resolved without hard feelings or threats to go to court. It's a rare gift.

So, last year when these two friends, on two separate occasions for two completely unrelated disputes asked me if I knew someone who could play that role, I thought of my father.

He was only decent, honest arbiter I ever knew, and he is no longer with us.

And, as I do every year, I think about him today and what the world has lost.

Scam Collecting

2009-03-26T15:16:00.005+04:00

In the halcyon days of my misspent youth, I frequently perused the short stories of a US writer whose name was William Porter, but who always wrote under the nom de plume O. Henry. Mr. Porter worked as a bookkeeper for a bank in Texas which found its books rather out of order. First, Mr. Porter fled to Latin America, but returned upon learning that his wife was dying, and ended up spending several years in a Texas prison, then, upon his release, moved to New York City.

O. Henry wrote stories in quite a number of different genres, but always with a very clever ending. One of the genres in which he often wrote is called the caper, and his stories in this genre were my favourites. I do not know where he obtained his material for these stories, whether from inside the Texas prison, where he would have had ample opportunity to meet the unsuccessful practitioners of the trade, or on the streets of New York City, where he might have met some of the profession's more successful members. What is clear is that the stories have a patina of truth, except, perhaps, for the plots, which are a bit too neat, and the characterisations, which are a bit too sympathetic.

I recently went searching through O. Henry's collected works for a quote which is quite applicable to our current milieu. It is in the form of a dialogue between a con man named Jeff and an anonymous narrator, and appeared in the story, 'The Man Higher Up,' which was published in the collection, The Gentle Grafter in 1919:

"There are two kinds of graft," said Jeff, "that ought to be
wiped out by law. I mean Wall Street speculation, and burglary."

"Nearly everybody will agree with you as to one of them," said
I, with a laugh.

"Well, burglary ought to be wiped out, too," said Jeff.

I cannot recommend O. Henry's caper stories too highly, since they have provided me with a modicum of inoculation against people like the fictitious Jeff (and the all too real Max and Jan), whose

profession is no new one. He is an incorporated, uncapitalized, unlimited asylum for the reception of the restless and unwise dollars of his fellowmen.

Coming fresh from reading O. Henry on the school bus, I arrived at the age of 15 in the big, wicked city on a field trip.

'You have one hour. Be back at the bus by then, or we'll leave you,' said our faculty chaperone, and with that we were let loose in one of the safer neighbourhoods of the city.

Naturally, all my fellow students packed into a fast food outlet, part of a chain that had a branch in our village. I tried in vain to find someone interested in exploring, so, since I was unwilling to spend my one free hour in the city doing what I could have done back home, I set out alone to round the block.

I had not gone more than a few hundred metres when a young man in the attire of the lumpen proletariat appeared, running. He paused in front of me, panting heavily, and showed me a watch with a pricetag still attached that must have been the equivalent of about £250, back when cottages were for sale for £750, if one didn't mind rusticating.

'See the price,' he gasped, waving the pricetag at me. 'I let you 'ave it for 20 quid,' he continued between pants, but I didn't have £20, so I could not be tempted by his offer, whereupon he reduced his asking price to £10, an amount I did have.

However, after reading O. Henry, I rather thought I detected something along the lines Jeff would have tried: a £1 copy watch with an authentic £250 pricetag, offered at a markup of 900% by an enterprising entrepreneur.

So I declined his best and final offer.

'Stupid <unintelligible>,' he called me, in an accent that suddenly sounded less appropriate to a member of what Mr. Mortimore's Rumpole refers to as the 'villainous classes' who specialise in burglary, and more appropriate to what I believe the British call 'wide boys,' who specialise in the kinds of money making schemes favoured by Mr. Henry's Jeff.

With that, my panting young watch seller wandered off to find a better market for his wares.

The young man with the £250 watch was the first decent scam I personally 'collected,' by which I mean personally experienced the initial come on, rather than just read about.

I've been told that I seem to run into more confidence artists than most, but I'm not sure if that's altogether true, of if it's just that I like to talk about the ones I've met, or both. I suspect both.

None of my schoolmates, hanging out in the fast food joint, managed to meet any young £250 watch sellers, or, if any of them did, none ever mentioned it.

I, on the other hand, went out where the panting £250 watch sellers might be seen in their natural habitat, and have regaled bored listeners with the story ever since.

And since my encounter with the running £250 watch seller happened when I was just 15, that's been a lot of bored listeners.

The Naming of Names

2009-03-19T11:07:00.007+04:00

Many years ago, in the West, newspapers had headlines such as, 'Heinous Murderer William "Billy the Kid" Bonny captured by police.' (Billy the Kid was a soldier fighting on the losing side in the Lincoln County Range War, and the newspaper in question was owned by the other side, and desired a rapid trial, conviction, and execution, not necessarily in that order.)

Eventually, in the interest of justice, determination of guilt was restricted to the courts, so American newspapers could only say, 'Alleged Murderer Ted Bundy Indicted.' British newspapers are even more circumspect, writing, 'Dr. Crippen Is Helping Police with their Enquiries.'

After conviction, however, the murder is legally established, and the newspapers are free to write, 'Heinous Murderer Ted Bundy Sentenced to Death.'

In the UAE, news of a murder usually appears in the form: 'Woman found murdered. Police investigators ascertained the identity of the murderer, and M. was convicted by the Court of First Instance, and his conviction has been confirmed by the Cassation Court.'

The UAE newspaper reports of the murder, assuming the body wasn't observed by a large number of people, usually come out about a year later, after the arrest, trial, conviction, appeal, and final confirmation of the conviction. And the murderer is never identified.

So, in most of the stories in this blog, I follow the UAE tradition that there be no names, or 'The names have been changed to protect the innocent.' (Not to mention the guilty.)

In my previous posts, however, I felt that the perpetrators posed a sufficient danger that people should be warned, so I gave the full names of the people involved, and the name of the 'Institute for Strategy and Complexity Management,' as a public service.

Unlike the UAE murderers who are incarcerated for life, and who therefore pose no further threat to society, Dr. Max Nyiri and Mr. Jan Hussing are, to my knowledge, still running around loose.

And my friend's son keep calling Mr. Jan and offering to do more work for him, against overwhelming odds that he'll ever receive any compensation for his efforts.

Mad Max, The Flying Dutchman (part 2)

2009-03-16T02:03:00.002+04:00

Max imposed on me three 18-hour days, the first in Dubai and the next two in Abu Dhabi, followed by a week of 12 hours a day on the telephone (via Skype). I put up with this partly out of curiosity, and partly out of a rapidly decreasing hope that Max might provide some slight compensation for my time.

Finally, Max asked me to join him in a conference call on Monday of week 3 to one client who had seemed somewhat interested. Max spent all day Sunday bouncing off me every possibly objection to putting up the €1,000,000 the client might have, and the incantations that would magically turn a 'No' into a 'Yes.' When we finally called early Monday morning, the client was out, and the receptionist asked us to call back. Max sweet-talked the receptionist for 20 minutes, figuring it's always good to sweet-talk receptionists, and, with her boss gone, she couldn't possibly have anything better to do than to listen to Max.

Max continued talking to me on the phone all day Monday, planning for the next day's attempt to reach the client. He was still talking at 11 pm, when he said he had another call. I could hear him mumbling on another phone. Finally, he returned to me, ‘Good news. My friend in Abu Dhabi called. He knows the client we’re going to call tomorrow, and he tells me the client will agree to sign the contract. You will get €1,100 a day for your part. Now we are sending you a contract, and you must sign it and return it now. My wife just called, and I want to go to supper, so I need you to sign and return the contract to us immediately.’

'I have to read it first,' I said.

'I am offering you €1,100 a day, but I can't work with anyone who doesn’t trust me. You will sign now, or else.'

'I have to read it first.'

'I'll give you two hours, then I'm calling back, and the contract had better be signed.'

'Max, it's almost midnight here. I'll sign tomorrow.'

'We are not paying you €1,100 a day to sleep. You'll sign now.'

'Tomorrow,' I said, and the line went dead, but Max SMSed me, 'Sleep well.'

As my last act before bed, I tried to check my e-mail, but the account Max had given me, the account Max said I was to use if I ever wanted to contact him, returned an error. I thought that e-mail had been cancelled, and that I was finally through with Max, but I was wrong on both counts.

The next morning, I read the contract.

The contract said I was to travel around the UAE passing out brochures and promoting the Institute, and I could receive 1/3 of any increase in Institute business in the UAE up to a maximum increase of €5,000, less expenses. Max said he had ordered for me 500 brochures to hand out, for which I’d be charged €5,000 (his cost, about €100), and 100 business cards for which I’d be charged €250 (his cost, about €25), so my best case scenario, where I indeed got credit for bringing in more than €5,000, meant I would owe the institute €5,250 less €5,000/3. It was a five-page contract, and I was to sign on page 5 saying I agreed to all terms and conditions on pages 1 to 4. So Max could easily changes pages 1 to 4 to make the ridiculous conditions even worse for me.

The next morning, rather to my surprise, Max called again, 'Will you sign?'

'No. The contract says I'm a salesman, just selling your institute.'

'You're wrong. You can’t even read English, and you don't know what selling is. You are not a salesman. You don't know what a chance you're missing. You have nothing, and we are offering you €1,100 a day if you join us. E-mail me if you change your mind.’

‘Max, you cancelled my e-mail, so how can I e-mail you?’

‘You are a failure, and you always blame third parties for your failures. I only made you this offer because Jan recommended you, and he has never been so wrong about anyone before.’

‘Max, I only met Jan once for a few minutes. He had cheated a friend of mine, and I just went along to try to get my friend’s money back. That’s all I know of Jan.’

‘I will call Jan and ask him about this,’ and with that, Max rang off. Again, I thought I was rid of him. And again, I was wrong.

The next day, Max called again, ‘Since you won’t sign the partnership agreement, you can’t be a partner. You will be a junior associate, and will only get half the money of a partner.’

‘Max, I still don’t want to sell for you.’

‘You are not selling. Our Institute is unique. We have no competition. I already gave you the names of some of the biggest people in the UAE, people you could never possibly meet on your own. You just go to them and tell them about the Institute. That is not selling.’

‘I don’t know about Dutch, but in English, if you go to someone, tell them about a product or service, and then ask for money, that’s selling.’

‘You don’t even understand English. You are nothing. You have nothing. You said you can’t even afford a battery for your phone, so you have to have it plugged in when you talk to me. Jan and I are both on the boards of Daimler, Barclays, and many other of the world’s largest corporations, and you are nothing. We have awards from INSEAD and many other of the world’s top universities for our software, while you are lower then dirt. I don’t know what kind of people you’ve dealt with in the past, but I’m an ordained minister. I am a very good person who is only trying to help you, but you don’t even trust me.’

‘Max, I checked. On your own website, it says you are on the boards of Daimler and Barclays and many other major corporations. It says your Institute is a strategic partner with many of the world’s largest corporations. It says you have received many awards for innovations in strategy from INSEAD and other top universities. But on their websites, they’ve never heard of you. Max, you and Jan are just a couple of small-time crooks and scam artists.’

‘You are the crook. You are the scam artist. And you’ve just opened your big mouth one time too many. Do you know DNRD?’

‘Yes, Max, I’ve heard of the Dubai Naturalisation and Residency Department.’

‘Well, two years ago, they were in big trouble. Nothing worked. They had me give them a seminar, and all their top people attended. Within a few weeks, everything worked perfectly for them. Now the head of the department always does whatever I ask. When I’m in Dubai, Jan and I have dinner with him. Right now I’m going to call him, and he will cancel your visa and deport you. I also told Jan what you said. He knows where you live, and he says he is going to kill you.’

And with that, Max finally rang off for good.

Which just goes to show. Just because I called Max and Jan two-bit crooks, they are now determined to pummel me with their bag of quarters.

And, at this point, I re-checked the e-mail account they’d given me, with my name on the e-mail. It’s not cancelled, just hijacked. Max can still use it, but I can’t. So I assume every bank in Dubai will get an e-mail, ‘I’ve just changed my e-mail. Please only use this e-mail from now on,’ followed by an e-mail, ‘Please transfer my entire account to Holland.’

Plus, of course, if they ever manage to scam anyone in the UAE, they intend to say it was me and me alone who was responsible, and send an e-mail giving my name with me promising to honour their ‘double your money back’ guarantee for each and every dissatisfied client.

So I can only hope that people in the UAE with money to invest have the good sense not to invest any of it with the Institute for Strategy and Complexity Management, and that UAE banks won’t be taken in by an e-mail with my name on it.

As soon has Max had shown me his ‘business plan,’ it was clear to me that the whole thing was a scam. No one sells an investment guaranteed to return 120%, so Max was not a legitimate PhD in strategy, but a scam artist.

The basic rule is, any time you’re with a scam artist, there must be a mark, so look to the left and to the right. If you don’t see a mark, it must be you. I assumed the customers to whom I’d been introduced were the marks, but I should have been looking in a mirror, only I didn’t see any mirrors. (This is the real reason why the castles of blood-sucking vampires are always devoid of mirrors, in spite of what you might have heard.)

Max had used an old trick: waste enough of the mark’s time that, when the bite comes, the mark is reluctant to admit he has wasted three weeks of his life and just walk away. And it wasn’t easy to go back to the quiet life after three exciting weeks of being bored silly by Max.

But I still wasn’t signing a five-page contract that I couldn’t understand, and one where Max could easily change the first four pages.

Mad Max or The Flying Dutchman

2009-03-10T00:45:00.002+04:00

I learned about Jan Hussing and his pyrite parachute when a friend took me to meet him. Jan had fleeced my friend's son, and my friend wanted his son's money. Jan had told the son that, once the son’s employment contract was completed, his employer could not stop the son from changing jobs; Jan further said that it was not, in fact, a real job change, but an internal transfer; finally, Jan promised to double the son’s salary. The net result was that the son lost a secure job and worked several months for Jan without getting paid.

My friend had gone to meet Jan alone, but had not gotten any of his son’s salary. So my friend brought me along, hoping for better results. I was impressed by Jan’s two meters ten height, but told my friend, 'My advice is to give up on Jan. He is never going to give your son his salary. Stop wasting your time.’

A few days later, my phone rang. 'Hello, this is Dr. Max Nyiri with the Institute for Strategy and Complexity Management. We need someone like you. Could you come for an interview?'

My answer was yes. It was a slow week/month/year, and I could have used some work.

I met Max, and he explained: 'We do strategy stress-testing. Most implementation plans run into problems, but our exclusive software can predict and prevent all problems, saving companies 2/3 or more of the costs of implementation. We can also guarantee that they will finish on time and under budget. It is much cheaper to proactively predict and prevent problems than to react to the problems and try to solve them.'

It is quite true, of course, that it is much better to prevent problems than to create them and then be forced to solve them, and every organisation wants to finish all its projects on time and under budget. I was curious to see if Max actually had such software.

(I suffer from the feline’s fatal flaw, and I’m running out of lives, but I couldn’t help myself, I’m too old to change.)

Max continued, 'I need someone like you, with your experience. I want you to meet some customers. Please tell them you work for me. Don't give them your business card, tell them to go through me.' I agreed. I sat and listened as Max gave the above spiel. Over and over. The clients seemed happy to hear it. As it happened, they'd just given Max $5,000 for a seminar on improving their strategy, and didn’t mind hearing again how smart they were for booking the seminar, and how they were going to save their organisation 2/3 of the cost of implementing its strategy, and that they would also be able to guarantee that all their projects finished on time and under budget.

After the clients had gone, Max said, 'I'm only giving you this job because Jan recommended you. Jan is one of my best friends, and I know if he recommended you, you'll be a good worker. And I can see you have a lot of experience, and we need experience. I have 15 young PhDs in Holland working for me, but universities don't give degrees in experience. I need you to come with us to Abu Dhabi tomorrow. Meet us at our hotel at 7 am.'

I had to catch a taxi at 6 am to get to Max's hotel, where we took a taxi to Abu Dhabi. We went from potential client to potential client. Max had a young American named Adam who did all the computer demos, in PowerPoint. Clients didn't get to see the wonderful software Max had told me about. It was the same spiel over and over and over, and I fell asleep during one of the spiels. Max was annoyed.

Max showed me a brochure with his business plan: his Institutes, according to the brochure, each earn more than €100,000 a month, and he's selling the UAE branch for €1,000,000, so it will return 120% per annum. Max was hoping one of these people would hand over €1,000,000, and he said my falling asleep was going to put them off.

We got back to Dubai around midnight. Max didn’t have any money to pay the taxi driver, but promised to pay after another day of travel to Abu Dhabi, and the taxi driver agreed. Max said we had to leave at 6 am for the second round.

The next morning, after just a couple of hours of sleep, I left my place at 5 am, and went with Max to Abu Dhabi again, a trip that ended late that day. The day was much like the previous one, with the same spiel over and over, about stress-testing strategies, and about finding a partner to set up the UAE Institute for Strategy and Complexity Management. After three exhausting days, Max went back to Holland, Adam went back to America, and I hadn't seen any money. Max had said I was an 'equity partner,' meaning that if any of the clients gave Max money, I'd get a share, but no salary, nothing unless one of the clients I'd met gave Max some money. Max said Adam was working on the same basis. I never learned if Adam paid his own way over from the US for his share of the soon-to-come €1,000,000, or if Max covered Adam's airfare. But, by then, I was sure I was never going to see any money, and I hoped I was rid of Max. I'd really gone along to see what this Institute was about, but I still didn't know how, exactly, the Institute proposed to stress-test strategies, or how its unique software could predict and prevent all problems a business might face, while also preventing time and budget overruns.

The next week, however, Max called. He said I was now with the Institute, and I was to only use the official Institute e-mail to communicate with him, and that he’d created an e-mail account for me. He continued talking for about six hours. And he called the next day and every day after that, and talked for six, eight, or ten hours. He always said the same thing over and over and over, about his great software, and his strategy stress-testing. I was too polite to hang up. And I sent back, using his e-mail, polite messages thanking Max for his attention, unwanted though it was.

Talking to Max all day every day meant I missed several other things I’d hoped to do, including the Chinese DVD lady. I apologised that, being on the phone with Max, I couldn’t peruse her DVDs, and said I had to listen to a crazy Dutchman. Little did I know.

The Fable of Jan and the Golden Parachute

2009-02-28T13:59:00.002+04:00

Jan worked for a big German auto maker, somewhere in the department that provided financing to people buying their cars. For reasons best known only to Jan, he found that remaining at that job was no longer tenable, but he managed to convince a Dubai sheikh that he was one of the top Europeans in auto financing, and he was given a contract with a golden parachute. The contract made Jan CEO of an LLC owned by the sheikh (via a subsidiary), and guaranteed three years employment. Should Jan's contract be terminated for any reason other than criminal behaviour, Jan had to be paid out the full three years, plus severance, gratuity, and benefits.

An LLC must be started with some initial capital. In the UAE, I believe that is at least €250,000. This would have covered Jan's salary for one year, but Jan hired another twenty or so people, and the €250,000 was soon gone. The sheikh (via his subsidiary) replenished the depleted coffers, but that money was quickly gone as well. After two years, the sheikh had plowed more than €1,000,000 into the LLC, and then the crash hit Dubai, and the sheikh had no more money for the LLC.

Jan, however, is still owed €285,000 according to his contract. His employees are also entitled to three months salary as severance, plus another two months salary as gratuity. Jan was told, 'Get it from the LLC. The LLC is definitely obliged, under UAE law, to pay all employess the contractual amounts owed.'

But the LLC has no money in its account, and no assets.

Jan is, therefore, suing the sheikh. A lawyer took his retainer, and said he had a good case, since the sheikh owns the LLC, and is therefore obligated to pay all contractually obligated accounts.

However, the owner of an LLC is not responsible for its debt anywhere in the world unless the owner can be proved malfeasant—that's what LLC means. In this case the owner did nothing wrong (though one might say the owner did something foolish in giving Jan €1,000,000).

There is a book about job security, popular in the US, called What color is your parachute? The trope is that persons on a plane should not wait until the engines fail to check the color of their parachutes, nor should employees wait until they have been laid off to ensure that they have alternative employment lined up.

Jan, of course, was absolutely certain that he had a solid gold parachute. However, when he checked, it turned out to be solid pyrite.

Financial Crisis in Dubai?

2009-02-12T22:54:00.002+04:00

According to the New York Times, Dubai cancelled 1,500 residence visas every day during January, and much of Dubai is now a ghost town.

But according to the local news, every single day during January, Dubai issued 1,000 more residence visas than it cancelled. Every residence visa must be cancelled every three years (or sooner), but only so that it can be renewed. So 1,500 residence visas expiring is not really news (no matter what the New York Times thinks).

The fact that more visas are being issued than cancelled (if true) means that more people are coming into Dubai than are leaving. Which fits with what I've heard from the Antipodes: the economy there is terrible, and they've all heard that Dubai is the pot at the end of the rainbow.

It isn't, but that's what they've heard, and they won't listen to me, so here they come.

Remodelling the Bus Station

2009-02-05T00:23:00.002+04:00

I found myself at the Bur Dubai bus terminal for the first time in several months. Ten of the terminals are now numbered from 10 to 20. I expected buses for routes 10 to 20 in the bays, but, of course, that wasn't the case, since most of the numbers between 10 and 20 don't go to the Bur Dubai bus terminal.

Other bus bays have the old route numbers on them: 12, 92. The buses parked in those bays were 42 and 44.

And the old buses to Abu Dhabi with Dubai plates and markings are now Abu Dhabi buses.

I was confused, so I asked if there was a map. 'No,' was the reply.

The only way to find a bus was by wandering around.

But, I think, once the remodelling is finished, things should be better.

In the West, they announce a remodelling, and, on the announced reopening day, there's a sign, 'Sorry for the delay,' since things never get finished on schedule. Here, of course, there is no schedule. So things are never behind schedule.

But in this weather, which is perfect, I can't really complain.

Recycling

2008-12-09T14:55:00.000+04:00

Aluminium is made from bauxite and electricity. A great deal of electricity. I once read (in an unreliable green publication) that to generate the electricity required to make the aluminium in a typical soda can requires enough fossil fuel to fill the can about half full.

So I was pleased to see that Dubai has added some recycling bins near my flat.

The three new cubical recycling bins are next to one of the old cylindrical trash bins that have been available to keep Dubai clean since my first arrival.

One of the new bins is for aluminium cans, one is for paper, and the third is for general trash, the same as the old cylindrical bin, which remains available for use.

So I gathered up all my aluminium cans and old copies of the Gulf News and dragged them down to the recycle bins.

All three of which were, of course, already full of general trash, including such items as fast-food bags containing the remnants of partly-consumed meals. Still, I suppose such meals are wrapped in paper and aluminium foil, thereby justifying their placement in the recycle bins.

I added my aluminium cans to the almost full bin for aluminium, and my old newspapers to the almost full bin for paper, filling both almost to overflowing.

I am glad that Dubai is trying to approach recycling.

Even if it hasn't quite gotten there yet.

Day of Infamy Remembered, 2008

2008-12-07T22:46:00.000+04:00

Last year on this date I posted an essay, 'The Inscrutable Occidental,' about how the Japanese could not understand the US mentality. Several replies were quite angry when I wrote that the Japanese could not understand how the US could shut down its economy, refuse to feed itself, then suddenly put everyone to work with the sole aim of turning Japan into Trinitite. Someone was quite offended, but it remains true that the Japanese did not understand.

This occurred during the very strange middle half of the 20^th century: the 50 years from 1925 until 1975.

In 1925, the Great Powers were Britain and France. The US was perceived, including by the US, as part of the developing world. The US actually had a larger domestic economy than Britain or France, but both the Great Powers had huge mercantile empires, and controlled far larger economies than the US.

But the US was the leading producer of oil, producing a much larger percentage of world oil production than any country today. However, with the Great Depression, the US economy shut itself off, and the ripple effects crippled world trade.

The comment last year was that Germany had always wanted revenge for World War I. This was certainly true for the Nazis, but, in 1925, the Nazis were a small party without power. Only after the US Smoot-Hawley act and resulting depression did the Nazis and the Japanese militarists gain power.

But Germany had been totally emasculated in 1918 after losing the first world war, and no nation could possibly challenge the two Great Powers. And Hitler, convinced of their power, promised not to challenge them in 1938. But in 1939, the Great Powers declared war on Germany. Winter passed, and in the spring, Germany defeated France in a few weeks. A British documentary (which is very bad history) said that Britain was hanging by a slender thread, praying for rescue by the US.

And, on this day in 1941, Japan attacked the US, and Hitler responded by declaring war on the US. The Axis now seemed invincible, seemed certain to dominate the entire world.

For less than six months.

The US economy, shut down for reasons economists still debate, restarted, and produced more steel than the rest of the world combined.

I wrote that the US Pacific Navy was destroyed on this day in 1941, to which a commenter responded that only a small percentage of the ships in Pearl Harbor were damaged. He was correct, since only a small percentage of the ships were capital ships, and only the capital ships, the ones capable of carrying a Naval Battle to the enemy, were destroyed. One aircraft carrier was out on manoeuvres, and survived, but the US lost a carrier to the Japanese Navy shortly thereafter. However, in six months, the US floated a new navy that fought Japan to a draw: both navies were damaged to the point where they could no longer fight. In six more months, the US had floated a second new navy, one Japan could not duplicate. And in six more months, yet another. Japan was doomed, even though most of the US military might was directed against Hitler's Germany.

In 1945, the US crushed Germany and Japan, nations that had so easily obliterated the full military might of the Great Powers, and imposed an unconditional surrender, which included the requirement that the Axis take full responsibility for all the world's ills for the first 45 years of the 20^th century. Japan honours its treaties, and recently fired a general for saying that Japan was not entirely responsible for World War II.

But the middle half century was only half over. In 1950, the US, which had easily defeated the countries that easily defeated the Great Powers was fought to a draw by half of a tiny country in East Asia. Anxious to prove that the US had not lost its edge, it then fought half of an even smaller country, resolved not to let the war end in a draw. Instead of a draw, the war ended in the ignominious defeat of the US.

How could the nation that had so easily defeated the nations that had so easily defeated the two Greatest Powers on earth be so easily vanquished by halves of two tiny, insignificant, undeveloped nations?

This remains the mystery of the middle half of the 20^th century.

Only one thing is certain: had Bush, Jr., been president in 1941, as the respected analyst Peter Seagal says, he would have ordered that the US respond to Pearl Harbor by attacking Bulgaria.

Armistice Day, 2008

2008-11-11T11:42:00.000+04:00

Ninety years ago today the Europeans ended their first internecine confrontation of the 20^th century.

The Arabs had been promised freedom by the group of Europeans who called themselves the Allies, and had fought on the side of the Allies. The Arabs had not heard the entire promise, which was 'freedom from the Ottomans,' as, after fighting with the winning side, much of Arabia was absorbed into the British and French Empires. Freedom from imperial domination was, for many Arabs, several decades away, and for some Arabs, still hasn't arrived.

The war was many things, and libraries are well-stocked with books examining different aspects. The Allies were democratic, sort of, while the Central Powers were not, and the war was billed as a struggle between disorganised democracies and efficient monarchies (and we might get an Oriental rematch soon between the world's largest Western-style democracy and the world's largest 'People's Democracy').

The Allies had almost all of the raw materials of the world tied up in their mercantile empires, while the main Central Power, Germany, found its attempt to industrialise halted by a lack of raw materials, a situation it hoped to rectify by defeating the Allies and seizing their empires.

But 90 years ago today, the conflict went into remission for twenty one years.

Gitex 2008 (and 2006)

2008-10-22T01:16:00.000+04:00

In 2006, Farook offered to take me to GITEX. Without the slightest hesitation, Farook drove into the multi-story parking, which was full, as the security guard told us. 'I with Sheikh. You no give us parking place, I have you deported.'

We got a parking place, and got into GITEX 2006 without paying.

In 2007, I went to GITEX on my own. I took the bus to GITEX, and paid my own way. I found neither bus nor taxi after GITEX, and had to walk home.

For GITEX 2008, Farook offered to take me, and I accepted.

We passed the main entrance, so Farook took the next alley and tried to park.

'I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot park here.'

'Who is in charge?'

'Muhammed Ali, sir.'

So we left that area and went to the next parking area: 'Who you come to see?' Farook answered (of course) 'Muhammed Ali.'

'He not here. Go to the next car park.'

Of course, the next car park was the one from which we had just been ejected. So we drove around until we found an Arab who told us, 'You can't park here.' But at least he told us, 'You can park in the car park.'

So we went to the VIP car park, where Farook's Arabic allowed us to park, and we went into GITEX. Parking had taken a full hour.

Inside GITEX, Farook gave every exhibitor his business card. Several asked, 'What do you do?' but to this difficult and complex question, Farook had no answer.

We did meet someone who appeared to be of the female persuasion, but the person assured us that the person's name was Mohammed. I assumed I was dealing with a transvestite, an assumption not shared by Farook, since he has no idea about the different clothing worn by male and female English speakers.

As it turned out, 'Mohammed' had a name tag that said 'Sarah,' but said the name tag was borrowed, and that her real name was Haley. She is rather flat-chested, but I just finished an Agatha Christie novel in which the male protagonist explains that a flat-chested woman can have substantial SA, but a flat-voweled woman cannot. And the flat-chested woman who called herself 'Mohammed' certainly had rounded vowels, even if 'rounded' did not apply, in any way, shape, or form, to her chest.

In any case, Farook and I wandered through bits of GITEX, though slowly, since Farook had to give every Arab his business card, and have a conversation (which I could not follow).

With Farook, I didn't see much that I didn't see last year, but I intend to have another look tomorrow.

Eid Mubarak

2008-10-01T04:05:00.000+04:00

The Arabic word 'Eid' means 'holiday.' There are (for Christian Arabs) the Christmas Eid and the Easter Eid.

For Muslims, there is the Eid at the end of Ramdan, called Eid al Fitr, and the Eid on the day of the Hajj.

'Mubarak' means 'Blessed' or 'Lucky,' so may all my readers have an Eid al Fitr Mubarak.

The US Election (1)

2008-09-28T00:25:00.000+04:00

I watched the first US Presidential Debate on 26 Sept p.m. (here, 27 Sept, early a.m.). Of course it was on the US channels, but it was also on BBC and Al Jazeera. The entire world is affected by the US Election, and is watching to see what’s happening.

The pundits were saying McCain was trying to avoid the debate because he was behind in the polls. This is, of course, completely backwards. The candidate who is ahead doesn’t want anything that might change that, and so tries to avoid anything like a real debate. The candidate who is behind has nothing to lose, and hopes for an upset, as happened in ’60 when an unknown Kennedy looked very presidential, and a well-known Nixon looked shifty. No one really listened to the ‘debates,’ but the majority of viewers decided they were going to vote for Kennedy.

My guess: McCain wasn’t feeling well, but didn’t want to admit he was sick, just as in ’92, Bush, Sr. didn’t want to admit he was feeling ill, went he to a dinner while very nauseated, and threw up on the Japanese PM. So McCain said the debate must be postponed until ~~he felt better~~ the financial crisis was resolved. Then, after surreptitiously seeing a good physician, McCain managed to make it to Mississippi. But we’ll never know. At least Letterman and the other comics got some good jokes out of McCain’s request to postpone the debate.

The usual pattern was that first term presidents ran for a second term, and, if the president was in his second term, the vice-president ran. (The last time this pattern was broken was in ’52, when the Republicans put up the wildly popular General Eisenhower, and the Democrats put up Stevenson as a sacrificial lamb.)

The party holding the presidency must try to convince the voters that things are great, that it was the policies of the president (and vice-president if it’s a second term) that made things so great, and that re-electing the party in the White House will keep things great. In ’32, a year much like ’08, the usual term for a financial disaster was a ‘panic.’ Hoover said that his wise administration had avoided a panic, and that the economy was just in a little depression. The term ‘depression’ stuck, and replaced ‘panic’ to describe a complete financial disaster. (So now the terminology is: if you have to tighten your belt, it’s a recession. If you don’t even have a belt to tighten, it’s a depression. If you don’t even have any pants to hold up, then it’s a panic.)

The party out of power tries to convince the nation that things are terrible, and that it is entirely the fault of the party in the White House that things are so bad.

Now, we have both the Democrats and the Republican candidate (but not the Republican party) in complete agreement that the US is in a crisis, and that the Republican president is responsible. This, at least, is new.

Obama says the nation is in crisis, and only new leadership can get the US and the world out of the crisis. McCain says the nation is in crisis, and only an experienced Navy hand can steer the nation out of these troubled waters.
And so they ‘debated.’ The US has had presidential debates for at least 150 years. Once, historians tell us, the candidates actually debated. Then debates fell out of fashion. Then, beginning with the ’60 election, the US has had something called ‘debates.’

In a debate, the moderator poses a question with two sides, and the debaters argue for opposite sides. The debate has openings, then rebuttals.

In the US presidential ‘debates,’ candidates and the moderator agree on a list of questions. A coin toss determines who will give the first answer to the odd questions and the second answer to the even questions. Both candidates then parrot their platform positions on each question.

This year, the moderator of the first debate, Jim Lehrer, asked the candidates to actually debate. They refused.

On each question, Obama’s position was always: we need new leadership; and McCain’s was always: we need experienced leadership.

Obama promised a solution to the financial crisis that would protect homeowners and the markets without rewarding the villains responsible for the crisis. Great solution, and Obama gave specifics about how he will accomplish this: by providing new leadership. Obama also said that a solution will require raising taxes on the rich, and cutting taxes for the poor and the middle class.

McCain likewise promised to solve the financial crisis with a solution that will be fair and equitable, and only McCain will be able to do this because he has the experience. And McCain will not raise taxes on anyone, because raising taxes would just exacerbate the crisis.

Obama sounded more confident and presidential at first, but, since they weren’t really saying anything I hadn’t heard before, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the pundits were saying that, as expected, Obama sounded slightly better than McCain at the beginning when the candidates talking about the economy and the financial crisis, and McCain sounded slightly better than Obama toward the end, when they talking about foreign policy, but I missed the foreign policy bit, so I’ll have to take the pundits’ word for it.

Ex-pat shebabs in Dubai in the New York Times

2008-09-23T04:03:00.000+04:00

The New York Times has an article from their series about the experience of the Arabs. The article in question is about the experience of young ex-pat Arabs in Dubai. The article does not seem to be aware of the '20s article in The Atlantic Monthly by a UK colonial administrator. And the New York Times article shows only a superficial understanding of Dubai. Or of shebabs. The author, a very competent writer, but perhaps not so competent a reporter, believes everything the shebabs told him.

The author also speaks of the Turkish water pipe, which he said was called a shisha in Egypt.

The water pipe, according to the Encyclopedia Britannica, is an Arab invention, later spread into the Ottoman Empire, Persia, and the British Raj. The New York Times calls the water pipe a shisha in New Jersey. The traditional English word, imported from the Urdu of the British Raj, was hookah as late as 1997. By 2005, the term shisha began to appear (without italics) in the New York Times articles.

Reading the article, it seemed to be almost a paid advertisement for Dubai.

My own view is that the Arab world can be divided into three parts:
One part has no oil, and is among the poorest part of the world; a second part has vast amounts of oil, and is neither among the poorest nations nor among the richest nations.

The third part consists of just Dubai, which has a negligible amount of oil, but is among the world's richest nations.

I don't know how Dubai does it, but I think a lot of the credit goes to Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid.

11 Sept 2008

2008-09-11T22:47:00.000+04:00

Once again, the 11^th of September is upon us, bringing more questions than answers.

The New York Times had an article that few Arabs believe the US report that 19 Arab shebabs managed to destroy the Twin Towers, damage the Pentagon, and crash a fourth plane in a field, killing all aboard. Which is not surprising, given all the US websites claiming to have ‘proof’ that Arab shebabs were not involved. The fact that none of the authors or readers of these websites has studied elementary metallurgy or mechanical engineering doesn’t stop them from including complex metallurgical and mechanical engineering formulae in their analyses (all completely wrong or inappropriate) ‘proving’ the impossibility that 11 Sept ’01 occurred in the way the world watched on television. My first question is not, ‘What really happened?’ but ‘Why can’t people believe their own eyes?’

I personally spoke to the family of one of the 19 martyrs who died to oppose what he perceived as US neo-Imperialism, and they are quite proud of their martyr, but cannot understand how he managed the courage to die such a painful, fiery death. They have no such courage, but are inordinately proud that one family member did. The only thing that would give them that courage would be a US campaign against them, a campaign to exterminate all of them in the name of vengeance and prophylaxis, a campaign that made it clear that they had nothing to lose by suicide attacks on US forces. As of current date, the US has not done that to the family I visited, only to Iraqi and Afghani families who had nothing to do with 11 Sept ’01.

Still, I have spoken to many people who believe either that there were never any shebabs, or that the 19 shebabs were duped, thinking they were going to hijack the planes to a friendly Middle Eastern country, only to find that Mossad had tampered with the autopilots so that Mossad could direct the planes into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, in parallel with contradictory belief that no aeroplane could have caused the collapse of the twin towers.

My second question is, ‘Why does everyone say that Bush, Jr. is so stupid?’ ‘What,’ I ask, ‘has he lost of economic value?’ The US is a democracy. After the 19 shebabs destroyed the Twin Towers, the US voters wanted to punish all those responsible, meaning everyone associated with cloth head coverings, or, as they are commonly known, ragheads. These include not just Arab shebabs, but also other Muslims, and even Sikhs. The US voters pronounced guilty every member of any group associated with an ethnic group that ever wore turbans or ghutras or keffiyehs. After Bush, Jr., ordered vast sums of money spent to kill a confirmed 87,387 Iraqi civilians (up to unconfirmed estimates of more than a million Iraqis and Afghanis), the US voters confirmed his actions in the 2004 election. The voters attempted, unsuccessfully, to vote against Bush, Jr. in 2006, but the Democratic Congress, elected on an anti-Bush, Jr. platform, said it must continue to give Bush, Jr. carte blanc to do whatever he wants. For seven years, Bush, Jr., has given huge no-bid contracts to his friends, and no one dares question his actions. No Third World president would call this stupid! So my second question is, ‘Why does anyone else?’

My third question is, ‘What happened to the idea of individual responsibility?’ After World War II, the English-speaking world was indoctrinated with the idea of individual responsibility. The Allies hanged Nazis for (among other things) practising collective punishment. English-language documentaries of World War II condemned collective punishment. When Timothy McVeigh killed 189 men, women, and children, US investigators tracked him down, then the US criminal justice system tried, convicted, and executed him and him alone (one accessory before the fact was incarcerated, but avoided execution since he didn't actually participate in the actual bombing).

But I was young and foolish when I watched those documentaries, and drew the wrong conclusions. The Nazis were not wrong for practising collective punishment, but for practising collective punishment against Europeans. Europeans are individualistic, and must be held individually responsible. But every Mercantile Imperialistic Power justifiably utilised collective punishment against Asians, Africans, and the Aboriginal inhabitants of the Western hemisphere and the Pacific islands. These people are tribal, so, if one commits a crime, it is appropriate to execute twenty members of the tribe as punishment. This is also cheaper than paying for criminal investigations to ascertain the actual perpetrator.

So, when 19 shebabs killed 3,000 US citizens, the appropriate response was to kill at least 80,000 tribesmen as punishment. As an Israeli tank commander responsible for killing Palestinians as collective punishment told me, ‘What else can you do about suicide bombers? Give their families medals?’

Once, after a commoner executed a King of England, then held control of the country until his death, the courts ordered his dead body tortured and mutilated in punishment. But, after 11 September 2001, there weren’t even any dead bodies to torture and mutilate, so what response other than collective punishment was possible?

After all, the Nazi scientists ‘proved’ that only Western Europeans are really human: Slavs, Jews, Asians, and Africans are more closely related to the Simians than to Western Europeans.

And this is a position that is extremely popular with the Simians, who, like many proud families, try to deny any association with close family members confined to institutions for the criminally insane. Or worse, close family members who should be confined to such institutions, but who have managed to elude institutionalisation. In consequence, the Simians enthusiastically agree that they might be related to Asians and Africans, but are completely unrelated to ethnic Europeans.

And I certainly can't blame the Simians for their position.

My first Ramadan in the UAE (Pt. 2)

2008-09-08T02:44:00.000+04:00

My co-workers told me that I must experience iftar, whatever that was. Since I had never heard of Ramadan, I had, a fortiori never heard of iftar. Back then, the UAE weekends were Thursday and Friday, so the nights to go out were Wednesday night and Thursday night. One of the local organizations had posted about our building signs: ‘Come to an iftar presentation, “The True Meaning of Ramadan,” by a famous Islamic scholar.’ Naturally, I signed up.

On that first Thursday night of Ramadan, Some co-workers and I proceeded to a tent erected by a Hilton Hotel. Inside, we saw a buffet, but weren’t sure what to do. We followed the crowd who filled their plates. The buffet consisted of a selection of Arabic dishes I had seen before. There were the usual Arabic salads: tabouli, houmous, muttabel, & etc., then a section of hot foods: grilled meats, rice, and vegetables, and finally a section of desserts: Umm Ali, cakes, biscuits, and fruits. A typical diner filled several plates, as well as several glasses from the fountains of fruit juices. Then, as I followed, we all proceeded to our places, set our plates and glasses down, and sat with folded hands.

Finally, two minutes after sunset, the azan sounded, and everyone began to eat.

Then, a man in Western dress got up onto the podium and announced, ‘I’m very sorry, but our featured guest tonight called to say that the true meaning of Ramadan is family, and he will be spending this iftar with his family, and will not be able to come tonight.’

So we finished our iftars, and found that the cost was $5. Then we all went home.

I was still curious, so I went into the city centre before sunset on several evenings during my first Ramadan. Several restaurants had signs, ‘Iftar buffets,’ so, each evening, I selected one and went in. There was invariably a buffet, and, as I watched, people queued up at the buffet well before sunset and filled several plates and several glasses. I invariably proceeded to copy them.

As the azan sounded, everyone began to eat furiously, as they had in the Hilton tent. Once iftar was over, everyone left. The food was the same as that available on the menu, but I was able to pile up my plates with items that would have cost at least $10 a la carte, while the cost of the iftar was only $5, the same as at the Hilton. I found that most restaurants provided a $5 iftar as a promotion to fasting Muslims.

So I managed to gain a few pounds that Ramadan, but never saw any of the special foods only available during Ramadan. I later learned that these are provided in all the homes of Muslims during Ramadan, but are not generally served by restaurants. And I was not invited into any Muslim homes during my first Ramadan.

My first Ramadan in the UAE (Pt. 1)

2008-09-05T13:40:00.000+04:00

I had never heard of Ramadan before coming to the UAE, which now strikes me as strange. Many of the authors I had read must have spent time in the Islamic world, and I would have thought they would have mentioned Ramadan. Of course, in the British Officers’ Club, the staff served tea at 1600 hours, regardless of where the Club was located, or the Islamic month, so the writers might not have noticed Ramadan, or might have felt it would not be of interest to their readers.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, Ramadan, formerly spelled Ramazan, first appeared in English around 1500, in a translation of a French scholar’s description of Islam (he said Ramazan was like Lent). Ramadan continued to appear occasionally in travellers' memoirs, in a few novels, and in Byron’s long poem, Childe Harold, but I had never read any of these.

When I was at university, and after I started working, I met many Muslims, but there was nothing noticeably different about them. No Muslim ever said to me, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t come to lunch with you because it’s Ramadan.’ They all managed to fast without my noticing. All I knew of Islam at the time was the Hajj, and that one of my fellow students from Saudi Arabia had been studying logistics, since he was to be on the Hajj organizing committee after his graduation and return to Saudi Arabia.

As my first Ramadan in the UAE approached, my co-workers warned me that it would be a novel experience, but didn’t really explain, saying I would have to see for myself. They told me that the government would announce Ramadan, and I didn’t realize that it had to start on one of two days, only that it was approaching.

My workplace had many water dispensers scattered throughout the building, as well as vending machines, and a large cafeteria that was always crowded with breakfasters before work started, crowded during the lunch break, and had a smaller crowd of snackers and coffee drinkers the rest of the day.

On the first day of Ramadan, all those water dispensers and vending machines were gone, and the cafeteria was dark and empty.

Workers had taped dark paper over the windows of one small room, and Western employees were told that we could slip into that room for a sip of water, or even a sandwich if we brought it in ourselves, but we must neither eat nor drink nor smoke anything anywhere else.

I was surprised to see some of the Muslims on the staff entering the room, but wasn’t sure how to ask about this. Eventually, someone explained that Muslims who are not Emiratis are travellers, and might not be under a strict obligation to fast until they return home.

Our workday was shortened by two hours, but, on the first of Ramadan, I stayed to finish paperwork and check the news via the Internet, and left the building at my usual time, about half an hour before sunset. I was the last one to leave the building, which was by then dark and silent.

The previous day, the street had been busy at quitting time, with many taxis honking at me trying to find a fare. On the first day of Ramadan, the street was deserted. The place where I worked was set on the outskirts of town, so I started walking to where I hoped there would be more taxis, and, eventually, I heard the familiar ‘beep.’ The taxi then drove me home at 150 kph, a speed that didn’t seem terribly dangerous, since we were alone on the city streets, which were broad enough to handle the normally heavy traffic.

From home, I walked into town and arrived about an hour after sunset. Things seemed fairly normal, if a bit quieter than usual. I selected a restaurant I hadn’t tried before and had supper. When I had finished my supper, I went to the grocer’s where I picked up some essentials. Since my purchases weighed more than I cared to carry, I hailed a taxi to take me and my purchases home.

By this time, though, the city centre was completely filled with people. Some were shopping, some were having a bite to eat, and some were just driving around and honking. The taxi remained stuck in the traffic for an hour. The meter charges for both time and distance, and my usual $1 carfare home had risen to $4. We were still less than half way, so I got out and walked the rest of the way home.

For the remainder of that Ramadan, I continued to walk into town after work, and I also made smaller, more frequent purchases at the grocer’s, since I knew I’d be walking home.

3 September

2008-09-03T22:13:00.000+04:00

Today was not a good day in the history of the British Empire. In 1783, the colonies on the East Coast of North America between Canada and Mexico had proved far too expensive to retain, and Britain could no longer justify throwing good money after bad, so on this day in 1783, Britain signed the admission that the British Empire had been defeated by the group in those former colonies called either rebels or patriots, depending on who was doing the calling.

In 1939, Chamberlain declared war on Germany, a declaration that ultimately destroyed what was left of the British Empire, an Empire that once covered one quarter of the globe.

From the end of World War II until the late 1980s, most of what was in the history books about World War II was based on the Churchill histories and analysis, which are about 80% correct. World leaders, of course, concentrate on the lessons proffered by the remaining 20%.

Churchill’s version is that:

1. In 1933, Hitler came to power in Germany on a platform of racism and militarism. He promised rebuild the German military and to destroy the Jews and the Slavs. Hitler’s statements in defiance of several treaties signed in 1919 and during the 20s provided ample justification for Britain unilaterally engineering regime change, which, in 1933, could have averted World War II without any bloodshed.

2. By 1935, Hitler had begun to rebuild the German military, but a British police action to unilaterally engineer regime change would have involved a small amount of bloodshed, and would have saved far more lives than were to be lost because Britain continued to ignore the Nazis.

3. Had Britain joined with Czechoslovakia in 1938, the war with Germany would have been bloody and difficult, but British victory would never have been in doubt.

4. When, finally, Britain declared war in 1939, Britain avoided having the Swastika flying over the Houses of Parliament only by a series of miracles.

5. Finally, had Britain delayed any longer, even divine intervention could not have prevented the Nazis from subjugating Britain as completely as they subjugated Poland and France.

Churchill’s analysis of ’33 and ’35 cannot be disputed: Britain squandered the opportunity to prevent World War II at very little cost.

That, after declaring war in ’39, Britain only survived by a sequence of miracles, beginning with Dunkirk, is also not in doubt.

But Churchill’s analysis of Chamberlain’s attempt to avoid war in ’38 was completely wrong, and Churchill’s maintaining that things would have been far worse had Britain continued to delay is in doubt. And it is these two analyses that have driven US foreign policy since Churchill wrote them.

Churchill, of course, drew a straight line from 1933 to 1939 and beyond, when the history was not at all linear.

Chamberlain’s reputation suffered because he was unfortunate enough to die while still silenced by security concerns. In ’38, most Europeans believed another war could completely de-populate Europe. The European air forces were supposed to have chemical weapons with all the power now known to belong to the neutron bomb: chemicals dropped from aircraft that could completely de-populate every European city, chemicals that could not be stopped by gas masks or air raid shelters.

So, while Chamberlain was promising appeasement, he was installing the world’s most advanced air defence system. Churchill gave credit to the RAF and carrots, but none to Chamberlain, who was no longer around to defend his legacy. Without the radar shield, the Luftwaffe would have arrived at times and places that could not have been anticipated, completed their bombing runs before the RAF could have been scrambled, and returned to Nazi airfields having incurred minimal losses.

In the event, every Luftwaffe air raid resulted in losses that were more than the German economy could replace, so Hitler was forced to abandon his campaign against Britain, and turned East years before his planners said Germany would be ready.

As Waugh wrote in 1953, had Britain gone to war in 1938, it would have been at the wrong time, at the wrong place, with the wrong allies, and for the wrong reasons.

In the late 1980s, some really bad writers (I cannot bring myself to call them historians) claimed that Churchill was completely wrong, that the Jews and Slavs had killed themselves in internal conflicts. If the Nazis killed any Jews or Slavs, it was strictly in self-defence, and Hitler’s racism was completely justified by the sub-human nature of the Jews and Slavs.

The really bad analysis and attempt to deny the Nazi crimes obscures a position that cannot be resolved. Legitimate historians have established that Hitler’s plan, had Britain not declared war, was to annex the primarily German Western areas of Poland, while the USSR annexed the primarily Slavic Eastern areas. Once West Poland was fully digested, the German plan was to implement Operation Barbarossa, beginning in 1943, an Operation intended to destroy the USSR, and turn all of Slavic Europe into German lebensraum.

Churchill was aware of this, but maintained that, after Barbarossa, the Nazis would have been so powerful that no nation on earth would have been able to prevent them from achieving total world conquest.

The unanswerable question is whether Churchill was correct about this. It is possible that, after the planned 1943 Barbarossa War, the winner would have been so debilitated that an Allied victory would have been easy, and Britain could have kept its Empire. Or at least dismantled its Empire in a way that caused fewer problems.

So it is clear that Churchill was correct about appeasement in ‘33 and ‘35, before it was called appeasement.

It is also clear that Churchill was not correct about appeasement in ‘38, and that Chamberlain was wrongly condemned for delaying the war until the air defence shield was in place.

What is not at all clear is whether Chamberlain should have been condemned for declaring war on this day in 1939.

Ramadan Kareem

2008-09-02T21:55:00.000+04:00

Today is 3 Ramadan 1429 (Islamic dates change at sunset, not at midnight), and I would like to wish both readers of Dubai@Random a Ramadan Kareem. My dictionary defines Kareem as: 'generous, liberal, munificent, bountiful, noble.' May Ramadan be all those things to my readers.

As I predicted, the Saudi TV has completely revamped its programme for the holy month of Ramadan. All the secular programs run during most of the year are replaced by programming that is appropriate to this special month. As two examples,

'Oprah' has been replaced by the more spiritual, 'America's Funniest Home Videos;' and

'Dr. Phil' has been replaced by 'The '70s Show.'

The first season of 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' is back , but I don't normally watch that channel, so I'm not sure what it replaces.

At least they replaced one version of 'The Biggest Loser,' with another version, since Ramadan is about fasting.

A Ramadan Foretold

2008-08-31T00:53:00.000+04:00

Officially, Ramadan starts on the day after the 29^th of the Islamic month of Sha'aban if the moonsighting committee sees the new crescent moon, or on the following day if it does not see the new crescent moon.

The Dubai Government confidently predicted (by issuing a calendar, printed on paper) that Ramadan would start on 1 Sept, something they should not have been able to know before 30 Aug.

And, indeed, the moonsighting committee announced that no new crescent moon was seen on 30 Aug., so Ramadan will start on 1 Sept., just as the Dubai Government predicted.

So, again, the Dubai government's predictions proved accurate.

Ramadan, 2008

2008-08-29T20:46:00.000+04:00

As I was wandering around Deira, someone handed me the official Dubai Government Ramadan 2008 Calendar. Everyone says Dubai is a very progressive city, and this is proof: it won't be Ramadan, 2008 for another 571 Islamic years or 554 Gregorian years.

What is also strange about the calendar is that it says Ramadan, 2008 will start on 1 September 2008 in Dubai, and that Eid al Fitr will be celebrated in Dubai on 30 September 2008.

According to a fatwa from Saudi Arabia, Islamic months must start based on the report from the moonsighting committee, which meets on the 29^th of each Islamic month. The 29^th of this month, Sha'aban, 1429, will coincide with August 30, 2008, and, according to the fatwa, one must not use the pseudo-sciences of astronomy and meteorology to predict whether or not the moonsighting committee will or will not see a new crescent moon, one just has to wait.

But the Dubai government did not wait, it has already printed and distributed the calendars.

Which implies that when people race up shouting, 'I saw it, I saw it, I saw the new crescent moon,' the head of the UAE moonsighting committee will reply, 'It is your mistake, my son. I am a scholar in moonsighting, and I can assure you that, whatever you might have seen, it was not the new crescent moon.'

And that when, on 29 September the UAE moonsighting committee goes out, the head will announce, 'Now that, my son, is what a new crescent moon really looks like, so you should get it right next time.'

If the head of the UAE moonsighting committee does otherwise, the Dubai Government will have the expense of reprinting the official Dubai Ramadan, 2008 calendar. And the Dubai Government seldom makes mistakes that cost it money.

Ramadan, 1429 is Coming

2008-08-27T15:51:00.000+04:00

On the 29^th of each Islamic month, the official moonsighting committee must go out and look. If they see the new crescent moon, it’s the first of the next month; if they don’t, the next day is the 30^th of the current month.

Currently, in Western countries, if two Imams of equal rank go out, and one says, ‘There’s the moon,’ and the other says, ‘No, that’s a cloud,’ and the first replies, ‘You son of a woman of negotiable virtue, that’s the moon,’ and the second answers, ‘May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, that’s a cloud.’ At the end, it’s the first of a new month for the congregations of the first Imam’s mosque, and it’s the 30^th of the old month for the congregation of the second Imam’s mosque. Normally, this doesn’t make much difference, except for a few months, one of which is Ramadan.

Every single day of Ramadan, a devout Sunni Muslim male must not eat or drink anything beginning 90 minutes before sunrise, but must eat and drink something at exactly sunset. (The rules are slightly different for Shiite Muslims, who start and end their fasting at slightly different times, times that differ by a few minutes from the Sunni times.) The first day of the month after Ramadan, called Eid al Fitr, every devout Muslim must say special prayers, and must eat and drink something between sunrise and sunset. So getting the days wrong is a big problem for the most devout Muslims.

And with their two Imams in profound disagreement, how can a member of one congregation be sure his Imam was right, and the other Imam was wrong?

Some have suggested that one can calculate whether or not the moon is visible, and reject any sightings if it is astronomically impossible to see the moon on the 29^th of the month. This suggestion has been categorically rejected by the Saudis.

To solve this problem, the UAE government will declare the dates of Ramadan, and their declaration will determine Ramadan for all Muslims inside the UAE. And also for all non-Muslims inside the UAE.

So, on 30 Aug. 2008, which is the 29^th of the Islamic month, the UAE moonsighting committee will go out. Then they will wait until they hear the official word from Saudi Arabia, where the sun won’t go down for another hour. If someone in Saudi Arabia sees the moon (someone always does), and if the sighting is accepted, then the UAE moonsighting committee will have seen the moon, and 31 August 2008 will be 1 Ramadan 1429. If all the people who saw the moon in Saudi Arabia have their sightings rejected (which sometimes happens), then the UAE moonsighting committee will not see the moon, and 1 Ramadan will coincide with 1 September¹.

Farook tells the story that the King of Saudi Arabia offers $1,000 to the first person to sight the Ramadan moon, so one man came at exactly sunset and collected his $1,000. He came back about an hour later and said, ‘I saw another moon, so I’m here to collect another $1,000.’

Since the senior members of the committee sometimes reject the claims of people saying they’ve seen the moon, and sometimes accept the claims, even when, as on 30 August, there is no way anyone will have actually seen a new crescent², we won’t know the first day of Ramadan in Dubai until about 11 p.m. on 30 August.

Dubai has set up six cannon. As of 1 Ramadan, at exactly 90 minutes before sunrise, all six cannon will go off to tell those Sunni who are fasting to start their fast. At exactly sunset, the cannon will all go off to tell those Sunni who are fasting to break their fast.

Many restaurants will stop all table service beginning with the dawn cannon until the sunset cannon. Some will have take-away service for those who are not fasting, which includes some Muslims who are exempt. Other restaurants will close during the day, but then remain open all night. Some restaurants will close for the entire month of Ramadan.

As of 1 Ramadan, the Ajman and Umm Suqueim liquor stores will close. The Dubai and Abu Dhabi liquor stores will have shortened hours. Abu Dhabi nightclubs will close; Dubai nightclubs will have shortened hours and no music.

The local TV stations, including all the MBC channels, will have a special Ramadan line-up, with all different shows. Unlike the West around Christmas or Easter, when all the TV channels catering to Christian audiences show special Christmas or Easter shows (e.g., 'Charlie Brown’s Christmas,' 'Charlie Brown’s Easter,' 'Quo Vadis,' 'The Robe,' etc.), the shows on the English-language MBC channels will have nothing to do with the holy month of Ramadan, but they feel that changing all TV schedules is necessary anyway.

(I’ve been told that Arabic and Urdu stations actually have Ramadan-specific programming, but I have no way of verifying that fact.)

Music is discouraged, so those who usually hum or whistle to themselves are advised to stop for the month.

Eating, drinking (this includes water), or smoking in public between the time the dawn cannons go off and the time the sunset cannons sound is illegal.

Everyone is advised to wear conservative clothes for Ramadan, not exposing any skin other than hands and face.

Many restaurants will have iftars at sunset. Iftars are special meals to break the Ramadan fast. I recommend the one at Al Nasr Club, though it’s only on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. The Al Nasr Club is a municipality project, so it charges below-market prices.

Iftars used to be very cheap, as a Ramadan promotion to create goodwill for the restaurant, but this is now mostly a thing of the past. Prices for iftar have gone up by anywhere from 400% to 900% in the restaurants where I’ve been keeping track.

There will also be many free iftars (served precisely at sunset) and sohours (served between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m.) in tents around the Emirates. Highly recommended for those who like cabrito biriani and companionship, or just free food.

So I advise everyone in Dubai, Muslims or infidels (whether kuffirin or kaffirin) to prepare for Ramadan, which will begin very soon.

¹And, in the same way that the UAE moonsighting committee ensures that it always sees the moon on the same night as the Saudi moonsighting committee, other countries who are not on the best of terms are careful that, if one sees the moon, the other does not see the moon. Doing this several times during the Islamic year, the Islamic calendars of the countries can be several days out of sync. Return.

² Some years, the new crescent has been 'sighted' when the old crescent was still clearly visible. Return.

At Al Quoz Cemetery

2008-08-22T00:34:00.000+04:00

Farook called to let me know that a mutual friend whose bread I had eaten had passed away. Farook was going to the cemetery, and wondered if I would join him. Of course, I said, ‘Yes.’

We started in the opposite direction to the cemetery, since we had to pick up another mourner, Abu Khalid, before going. As we waited in Abu Khalid’s office, I heard Arabic on the CD player, and asked, ‘Is that the Koran?’ ‘No, that is du’a,’ said Farook. ‘Du’a means praying.’

Arabic, it seems, has quite a few words for praying, all with quite different meanings. In English, we try to explain the differences with adjectives, but English is, for the most part, completely lacking in words to describe the different varieties of Islamic prayer. Du’a, as best I could tell, is a chanted prayer, and one need not do anything physical while listening to someone chant it.

We then proceeded to Al Quoz Cemetery. The cemetery is surrounded by a high masonry wall, with several entrances. We entered through the main entrance and parked by some buildings. I didn’t see any sign of any graves, and assumed that Islamic graves must be unmarked. All I saw was plain, natural desert. ‘In Saudia,’ Farook explained, ‘they do not allow any markings. You go to see the tomb of your father, but you cannot find it.’ I assumed that must be true in Dubai.

Abu Khalid went into one of the buildings, while Farook and I stood outside in the 45 degree heat. Then Farook said, ‘Remove your shoes, and I will show you,’ so I removed my shoes and followed Farook into the building, a rectangular one-story building that was air-conditioned and which felt very nice after the Dubai summer heat. There were signs by the entrance, but all were in Arabic, so I just followed Farook.

The room was carpeted throughout, and the wall opposite the entrance had bookshelves filled with books, some of them obviously Korans. Farook and I sat down near the entrance. Other people were praying, meaning, in this case, standing, kneeling, bowing until their heads touched the floor, and standing up again, the prayers called, I think, rakas. I realized I was an infidel inside a mosque, something normally prohibited in the UAE, but I was not inclined to leave, so I continued sitting beside Farook while Abu Khalid and the others inside performed rakas. Then a Pakistani Imam entered, and led the noon prayer. Everyone except myself lined up and followed as the Imam recited the words that go with the rakas when performing the prayers called, I think, salat. Everything was done in perfect unison, except for one or two worshippers who entered late and were out of sync as they tried to catch up.

After two rakas, Farook indicated that we should leave. ‘Everyone was staring at me,’ I said. ‘They think you Shia. Shia do not pray with us Sunni, they sit and pray after.’ Then Farook and I sat in his air-conditioned car, waiting. I wasn’t sure what for, but Farook had read that the service would be right after the noon prayers. ‘We wait for ambulance,’ he explained. Eventually, Abu Khalid came out of the mosque and joined us in the car. A few cars with three-digit plates began arriving, and more cars began coming into the cemetery through the other entrances, and we could see them in the distance. I wondered if we had missed the ambulance, but Farook, who has been to quite a few of these services, knew that the ambulance always enters through the main gate.

It was not long before the ambulance did arrive, lights flashing, and we followed it to the gravesite. It appeared that no one has yet been buried near the entrance. In the actual burial area, most graves were marked with tombstones shaped as in a typical western cemetery, but, of course, most were engraved in Arabic. Some, however, were bilingual with English, and, had I been alone in winter, I would have wandered about the cemetery reading them.

We got out of the car and I followed Farook and Abu Khalid as everyone crowded around the open grave, apparently dug with shovels rather than with a machine. One gravedigger was still standing inside the grave when we first arrived.

Several blue jars were arranged around the grave, but I didn’t know why. The body was removed from the ambulance by several men. In accordance with Islamic tradition, the body was wrapped in a simple white covering. Then the body disappeared into the crowd. I was in about the fourth row from the grave, but the three rows in front of me were tall enough that I couldn’t see over them. I barely saw the body placed into the grave, then I saw balls of dirt handed to the men nearest the grave. Someone yelled (in Arabic), 'La, la, la!' or ‘No, no no!,’ but I have no idea what it was about. ('La,' being about the limit of my Arabic.)

Eventually, all the men gathered around the grave began putting handfuls of sand into the grave, and, as the grave filled up, someone placed two markers at the head and feet. The gravediggers helped speed up the process with their shovels, and in a few minutes, the grave was filled. Then I heard Farook’s voice reciting the prayer for burial, and after each phrase, everyone responded with what sounded to me like ‘Amen,’ though when Farook repeated it to me in the car where I could hear better, it was more like ‘Ameen.’ Since the West imported ‘Amen’ from a Semitic language, the similarity was not altogether surprising.

And then it was all over. Those who had helped place sand in the grave used the jars, which I now saw were filled with water, and washed their hands and feet. Then everyone tried to leave, though a couple of SUVs seemed to be hopelessly stuck in the sand.

Since Farook had parked on pavement, we didn’t have that problem, so he dropped Abu Khalid off, and then dropped me off.

Bubbles

2008-08-18T00:26:00.000+04:00

Many people are interested in investments, either in Dubai, or worldwide. Specifically, people are wondering if Dubai property is a good investment at current prices, or is a bubble. Which, of course, raises the question of, ‘What is a bubble?,’ the classic examples being the Tulip Craze and the South Sea Bubble.

In short, investors only invest in the hopes of making a profit. Secular investors therefore try to invest in whatever investments promise the greatest profit, while Islamic investors must invest in whatever halal investments promise the greatest profit.

The theory says that all investments carry some degree of risk (zero being a degree, in the case of government guaranteed investments), and that the return of investments of equal risk should be equal, since investors holding an investment with a low return should sell it, driving the price down and the return up, and buy investments with a higher return, driving the price up and the return down, until the returns on investments with identical risk are identical.

The return on an investment consists of the dividends paid plus the appreciation of the underlying investment. This appreciation might be from retained earnings, in which case the investment has additional assets, so the appreciation is clearly justified, or it might be from new investors realizing that the asset has a high return, so they are buying in and increasing the price, which also increases the overall return for the existing investors.

The definition of a bubble is when this increase in price from new investors purchasing the asset is the primary return on the asset. This is, of course, a vicious circle, with the increasing price justified by nothing except the increasing price.

One easy way to spot a bubble is when everyone says ‘This is not a bubble.’ As long as most people are saying, ‘This asset is overpriced, and will soon go down,’ there cannot be a bubble.

There are theoretical ways to value stocks and property, to determine if the price is supported, or is just a bubble.

In the case of stocks, the theoretical price is determined by all future earnings of the underlying corporation. Sadly, prediction of anything is very difficult if one tries it with respect to the future.

Property is much easier: the price should be determined by rents. Even when most units are owned by the people living in them, these people are just renting from themselves, and the theoretical price is determined by the rents obtained by investors who buy to rent the properties. Simply, the investor should be expected to put down 25% of the value of the property, and should have a positive cash flow from the onset.

When property prices are rising so quickly that investors are willing to invest with negative cash flow, expecting that rising prices will soon enable them to sell at a profit, net of the losses during the time they held the property, there is a property bubble.

When lenders loan with initial payments that are less than the interest due, so there is an actual monthly deficit in spite of an apparent positive cash flow, there is a property bubble.

As of current date, none of this applies to Dubai property. There are no sub-prime loans available. And any investor putting down 25% will see a significant positive cash flow from the first month, given the current generous housing allowances being allotted to the most valued employees, of which there are more than enough to fill all the Emaar, Nakheel, and Dubai Holding properties. So, again as of current date, Dubai is not in the midst of a property bubble.

Of course, this could change, and the sign that it has changed is when everyone starts saying, ‘Dubai is not in the midst of a property bubble.’

Dubai Summer Surprise

2008-08-04T02:00:00.000+04:00

Farook invited me to go to the Dubai Chamber of Commerce Summer Surprises series of lectures called ‘Mind’s Pleasures,’ or ‘watanabi.’ This is a strangely unadvertised and unattended Summer Surprise.

The speaker was someone who has studied multiculturalism in the UK and compared it with the US.

Back in school, the term we learned was acculturation. We learned that, in the US, everyone was acculturated. Of course, that was not altogether accurate, but that’s what we learned. It was a term the speaker never used.

In the US, all Europeans moved into neighbourhoods with their fellow countrymen, but their children had to attend schools with children from many different ethnic groups, schools in which English was the only lingua franca. Usually, the children intermarried children from different ethnic backgrounds.

The parents only spoke the language from their native country, and only read newspapers in the language of their native country. But, after 1921, the US banned most immigration, and the children could neither speak nor read the language of their parents, so the non-English newspapers all folded.

Now, in the US, people of Italian descent eat spaghetti on special occasions, Poles eat pirogues on special occasions, and Scandinavians eat lutefisk on special occasions, but most of the time they all eat hamburgers and hot dogs, and it’s hard to tell one from the other.

East Asians, Africans, and Hispanics were not acculturated in the US before World War II. East Asians could never become US citizens (in violation of the US Constitution, but violations of the US Constitution have a long history in the US), so they went to schools where they learned their own language. Africans were sent to pan-African schools where they learned Ebonics. And Hispanics had no tradition of schools, and were not allowed in US schools, so most remained illiterate Spanish speakers.

Now, East Asians and Hispanics who can prove that they are legal must attend regular schools, and most become fully acculturated, while US citizens of African descent may be able to attend Ebonics schools, or may be sent to acculturation centres.

The UK had a radically different experience. In the UK of the ‘70s, immigration was largely limited to people from Canada, the Antipodes, and (on a case by case basis) people from Southern Africa. Then the Brits felt guilty, let in anyone who had a Commonwealth Passport, and gave them a UK passport. Then membership in the EU meant that the UK had to admit people from Eastern Europe, and anyone with a European passport is free to enter the UK on a permanent basis.

The recent UK immigrants continue to follow their native practices, and continue to cheer for the sports teams from their grandparents’ countries.

So, the speaker asked, ‘Which is best, the US method or the UK method?’

It was a rhetorical question, so we didn’t get an answer.

And no one told him that the UAE, while certainly a multicultural society, has very little in common with the US or the UK.

The Twilight Blogosphere

2008-07-28T01:02:00.000+04:00

1. For starters, the New York Times has been running a sporadic series about people who posted blogs that were actually read, and who then felt that their privacy had been breached. For those who feel compelled to write such items as 'The King is a Fink,' but who would prefer that no one know about their screed, the traditional way was to write on paper in secret code. and then keep the papers locked up where no one could find them.

Of course, the most famous example of such writings was rather easily found and quickly deciphered, or so the scholars tell us, though I am not completely convinced that the scholars didn't just invent Mr. Pepys' tales of what he'd seen based on unencrypted accounts, and, since no one else could break the cipher, no one could question the scholars' deciphered publication of the diary.

Today, of course, the person who feels compelled to write, but who doesn't want anyone to read his Jeremiads, can simply type into a document and encrypt the document electronically. Writing a blog and then feeling violated when someone reads it seems strange to me. But the New York Times says that bloggers who find themselves unexpectedly read have every right to be irate.

2. Anyone who bothers reading the sporadic comments to this blog has seen (since I've left them there) several commercial spam posts. Anyone who has tried to comment will also have seen that I try to block spam comments with the blogger CAPCHA, which should require human intervention for every post, something that doesn't seem to be happening. I am confused.

One possibility is that desperate people in marketing are just typing in keywords like Dubai and manually posting their company's ads on every blog that shows up. The other possibility is that Blogger is selling access to spammers, allowing them to post comments on millions of obscure blogs such as, e.g., Dubai@Random. As of current date, this remains an unsolved question.

Errands with Farook

2008-07-24T01:14:00.000+04:00

Farook came by this morning and took me with him on a few errands. First, we went to the Jaddaf dry-docks in order to pick up Farook's middle son. ‘My son very clever. He study interior design at university, and for summer he put ad in newspaper and get very good job in planning. I forget name. What is English name for job in planning?’

I had no idea. Farook fished in his pocket, pulled out a piece of paper, and handed it to me: ‘Al Barsha Flat, 2BR, 055-1234,’ I read to him. ‘No, not that, this.’ The second piece of paper said, ‘Autocad.’

Autocad sells for a bit over $1,000, but in Dubai, if one knows the right people, one can obtain a full copy for about $5. I didn’t think his middle son knew Autocad, and remain unconvinced that he is, indeed, an expert, but in Dubai, as in the West, a 20 year old who says he is an expert designer with Autocad is much more employable than a 50 year old with 28 years design experience, the last three using Autocad. So now Farook's middle son is designing kitchens using Autocad for a store in the Jaddaf dry-docks.

Once we’d picked up the son, we drove to Sharjah, where the son’s car is in the body shop after the son had an accident (his fault). Farook got the manager of the shop to open up the air-conditioned waiting room, and we went inside to wait while Farook's son stood outside by his car talking on his mobile. After about half an hour, Farook gave up and we left his son at the body shop to wait until the car was repaired. ‘He must learn from waiting here by himself,’ Farook said as we drove away.

The next stop was at a car rental place. Farook had rented a car for his son to drive to work while the son’s car was being repaired, but now that the son’s car was (almost) ready, it was time to return the rental. The man who owns the rental shop has another job, so it is necessary to call him when one wishes to rent or return a car.
While we waited, we wandered into a small phone shop. I noticed accessories for iPhones, though they only work in the UAE if a) one pays the outrageous ATT (or European iPhone partner) roaming charges; or b) one hacks the iPhone to take a local SIM card. A policeman standing behind the counter said, ‘UAE have lots of iPhones, but most people prefer Nokia.’ Which, under the circumstances, is not surprising.

When the man from the car rental agency finally arrived, we straggled over to his office, and I saw a large Arabic/English sign:

‘THE CARS NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON THURSDAY
AND FRIDAY

THE PASSPORT WILL BE GIVEN AFTER (7) DAYS
FROM THE DATE THE CAR RETURNED
OR PUT XXXX 1000 DHS

I think 500 had been X-ed out.

We next went to Farook’s office: ‘I want you test new girl I hire, see if she know computer.’ We knocked on the office door, but received no answer and Farook didn’t have his key. We went out and got Farook’s key and returned after about half an hour. Again we knocked, and again no answer. ‘Maybe she dead in office. You think police make trouble for me if we find her dead?’ But before I could answer, Farook opened the door to his office, we went in, and his new hire was nowhere to be seen, though the A/C was on, something Farook never allows when the office is empty. So he pulled out a plastic bag from behind the battered couch he provides for customers, and in the bag were a screwdriver and about a dozen locks. Farook then changed the lock to his office. This is his method of terminating employees who go AWOL while leaving the A/C on.

Finally, we went to lunch at a traditional Yemeni restaurant. It’s one I used to recommend, but prices are up 50%, and the salad, once included with the lunch, is no longer offered. Farook said we went there because I used to like it, but he says he now prefers a different Yemeni restaurant that still includes salad with lunch.

Lunch at Ostadi

2008-07-04T15:18:00.000+04:00

I was looking at the New York Times advice on what to do in Dubai, and of the items listed, the only one I could afford was lunch at Ostadi Special Restaurant, on Mussalla Road, which is the road that leads from the Bur Dubai Ramada Hotel toward the Creek. The restaurant is about half way between the Ramada and the Creek. According to the New York Times, this is a traditional Dubai restaurant, run by people from the traditional Arabic village of Shiraz.

The recommendation turned out to be an excellent one, with great food and great service, though for a bit more than they charged the New York Times, who seem to have gotten free soup, water and tea, for which we were charged. The entrée was Dh 20 ($5.40), which the article said was the total cost of their lunch; however, our total was Dh 34 ($9.20), still well worth the price.

Given the surroundings, the conversation turned to what Bush intends to do in the short time he has remaining: attack Iran within the next month or so, attack Iran by proxy within the next month or so, wait until after the election to attack Iran, or just rattle sabres without any actual military action.

The Israeli attacks on Iraq and Syria to prevent the development of WMD were like the tiger repellent I keep in my flat: When asked, 'Why do you need a tiger repellent in your flat,' I always respond, 'Just note that you don't see any tigers in here.' So, while neither Iraq nor Syria had the capability to develop WMD, the Israeli government can take full credit for their failure to do so. It is not at all clear that an attack on Iran would be as successful.

The local news assumes such an attack is inevitable, but this is a position I do not share: Bush sent inadequately supplied US troops into Iraq to collectively avenge 9/11. The American public has shown little concern that no Iraqis were involved—after all, the 9/11 hijackers were Arabs and the Iraqis are Arabs. From 2001 until 2005, the US voters gave Bush carte blanc to punish Iraqis supported by no-bid contracts, which, I hope, has enabled him to surpass Grant and Harding in the history texts as the most corrupt president the US has ever seen, given the way he was able to use 9/11 to enrich all his friends (and, one assumes, though the evidence is strictly circumstantial, himself). And, after the voters sent him a rejection in 2006, Bush invoked the acquittal of Clinton to continue an Imperial Presidency that cannot be challenged by the Courts or the Legislature. (Mercifully, there is no way Bush can continue past 20 Jan 2009.)

But there is no obvious way that Bush can manage any profit from an attack on Iran the way he did with Iraq, so I suspect he will limit himself to rattling sabres. But if Bush figures out how to make money from an attack before 20 Jan 2009, I think he'll give it a try.

100% Genuine, Authentic Faux

2008-07-01T02:36:00.000+04:00

Over the course of a long and mis-spent life, I have been to many 'Old Towns'--cities that have been around for centuries, with the oldest parts set up as museums where actors try to reconstruct life as it was back when the city was new.

But only in Dubai have I seen an 'Old Town' built in the 21^st century.

English has a word for the authentic version of the Dubai Old Town, and that word is 'medina.' The word was only used by English speakers travelling through the Maghreb, where the French had built towns with European architecture around ancient Arabic villages. The 'medina' was the old, pre-French, Arab part of the town.

But in Dubai, the developers have put up yet another fake traditional village, and called it 'Dubai Old Town.'

The first fake souk that I saw was in the Madinat Jumaira, where I would take new arrivals in summer. The Madinat Jumairah has a section described as a 'traditional Arabic souk,' with the traditional Arabic Starbucks, and the traditional Arabic Prada, and all air conditioned. I would explain that real souks have similar architecture, but are not air conditioned, and so are not really feasible for new, European arrivals in summer. (I took visitors who arrived in winter so see some of the souks that are as authentic as Dubai can manage.)

Then Wafi, already a faux Egyptian shopping mall, added a fake souk under the main Mall.

And now Dubai Old Town has traditional-looking-but-ultra-modern (TLBUM) housing, and a TLBUM souk.

Apology: Lack of Posts

2008-06-28T23:12:00.000+04:00

Dubai@Random is about my wandering about Dubai and reporting on what I see. Those who understand basic physics understand that, except for water, everything expands when heated. Which means that, as of current date, trips that were quite short in winter have expanded to roughly the size of the Asian continent, so I have been largely confined to my tiny flat. Even expeditions in search of provender are proving problematical.

I have noticed the advent of Secret Dubai's favorite mascot, Modesh, but didn't have the energy to make my usual summer note of this advent, and, in any case, Secret Dubai has been banned by the UAE authorities.

I have had to switch off my water heaters, so my taps are now in French, i.e., with 'C' meaning 'hot.'

Posts will appear sporadically during the summer, but I hope to resume regular posting once winter returns.

Inshallah.

My Father and AIDS

2008-06-14T22:50:00.000+04:00

In the early 80s, my father retired, and my cousin got a job working for an international agency to prevent AIDS. My cousin’s primary job was to raise money for the vital program of fund-raising to prevent and cure AIDS (not preventing or curing, just fund raising for the prevention and cure). My cousin announced that AIDS infections were following an S-curve, and, using words like ‘inflection point’ and ‘asymptote,’ impressed potential donors with his conclusion that, if nothing were done, AIDS would rapidly spread to 30% of all the people in the developed world, and, since no cure was known, would lead to certain death for the 30% infected.

My father listened courteously, but then, after my cousin had left said, ‘We’ll have to wait and see.’

A year or so later, my father told me, ‘Your cousin was right. AIDS is spreading rapidly to the entire world.’

‘Why do you say that?’ I asked.

‘Because three men with AIDS are in our town!’

It seemed that three of the gay men from our little village (pop. 6,999) had gone to the fleshpots of the wicked city, contracted AIDS, and then returned home to die.

And, given the panic about AIDS, no one would enter their homes to take them food or medicine.

I had moved away from my home village by then in search of gainful employment, but my father was the talk of the town when I came home for a visit: he was regularly going to the homes of the three AIDS victims and bringing them food and medicine, something no one else in my home village would dare to do.

He joked that AIDS is only transmitted in one way, and every other man in our village must have been susceptible since they wouldn’t go near the victims, but he wasn’t, so he was in absolutely no danger, and had his duty to perform.

And I remain incredibly proud of my father, who spent his entire life doing heroic things that I never was, and never will be able to do.

Appeasement

2008-05-24T23:23:00.000+04:00

In 1914, the Germans were determined to acquire a mercantile empire, since they saw no other way to industrialize. The obvious mercantile empire for them to acquire was that of France, but, for reasons which escape me, they launched their invasion via Belgium, against a British injunction. As it turned out, the British Navy proved pivotal, and the Germans lost. As punishment, the treaty of Versailles prohibited Germany from re-industrializing, and, a fortiori, militarising.

In 1933, Churchill noted that Germany had been overtaken by a racist government that was violating Versailles, and said that Britain should intervene. Churchill correctly noted, in the '40s, that, had Britain acted as he recommended in '33, World War II could have been averted without bloodshed.

Churchill further noted that, when Britain finally declared war in '39, the Nazis defeated Britain within 6 months. Churchill drew a straight line through the data, and said that, had Britain responded to German armament with a police action in '35, World War II could have been averted with only a small amount of bloodshed; he went on to speculate that, had Britain declared war on Germany in '38, the war would have been difficult, but would have been resolved in Britain's favour.

Waugh stated that, had Britain gone to war in '38, it would have been with the wrong allies for the wrong reasons. Waugh idolized the actual British policy, a rather unusual position, given the net results. Waugh agreed that Britain had to go to war in '39 for moral reasons, even though it was not in Britain's national interest.

In fact, after abandoning appeasement for war and declaring war on Germany, Britain was quickly defeated. That is, defeated as the US was in Vietnam, not (quite) defeated as Germany was in '45.

With perfect 20/20 hindsight, Britain and France should not have declared war on Germany in '39, since it was, morally valiant or not, a war neither could win.

Appeasement in '38 delayed the defeat of Britain and France for a year; appeasement in '39 might have delayed their defeat indefinitely, since Hitler said his only interest was in Eastern Europe, not in Western Europe, until Western Europe declared war on him. Of course, Hitler was not the most reliable of guarantors, but it does seem that, had Western Europe not declared war on Hitler, that he might have dissipated his forces against the USSR.

But, after The Gathering Storm, appeasement has been a useful blob of mud to throw at one's political opponents.

The Sub-prime crisis and Dubai Property

2008-05-05T22:42:00.000+04:00

It appears that the sub-prime crisis, started in the US and then spread throughout the Western world, has reached Dubai and is having a major impact on property prices.

Since the beginning of 2008, Dubai properties have risen by about 25%, as have rents for new tenants.

Apparently, with property prices falling in the US and Europe, investors with oil windfalls are flocking to Dubai.

Bouncing Cheques, Part II

2008-05-04T22:56:00.000+04:00

Once we had been to the bank, we went to Farook’s office, where Bobbie was waiting. Bobbie isn’t her name, but it’s as close as Farook can come to the actual Tagalog name.

Farook is a fairly typical Dubai small businessman. Dubai sets, for every business, a limit on the number of employees it may retain, a number that depends on the business. For example, businesses that obviously need at least four employees can usually apply to employ six with no problem. For employees seven and eight, the owner must spend time providing the authorities with some justification for why the company needs the extra employees, but, with a patient owner, a few more permits will generally be issued. At some point, the authorities will say that the business is fully staffed.

Farook, after extensive negotiation, managed to get the absolute maximum number of permits for his business, then sold all the work visas. He is also willing to provide, for a price, his two visit visas. as soon as they become available. Farook expects that the people who work for him will provide their own visas, purchased from someone like he was when he first opened his business.

Farook has been known to promise, ‘You can work for me on your visit visa as a test. If you do good work, then before your visit visa expires, I will give you a work visa.’ Only he has no work visas to give.

The UAE, like most countries, has several kinds of visa. The tourist visa is officially good for 30 days, but some tourist visas have a 30-day grace period. A visit visa, issued to immediate family members of people with work visas, and to recruits coming to interview for a job, is good for 60 days with an additional 30 days available for an additional fee. Working with a tourist or visit visa is strictly prohibited. A work visa is good for three years and allows the holder to engage in gainful employment as a temporary, migrant worker. Work visas are called ‘permanent visas,’ but, of course, they aren’t.

Bobbie has been working for Farook for two months. She received her first month’s salary on time, and should have received her second month’s salary on 30 April. Farook had planned to pay her when he cashed the cheque post-dated to 30 April, only the cheque bounced. So Bobbie hasn’t been paid for April. Farook’s phone bill was also due 30 April, so his phone has been cut off.

‘What kind of visa do you have?’ I asked. ‘I have a visit visa.’ ‘And you’ve been here three months?’ ‘No, only two months.’ ‘Then you can extend the visa by one month by paying Dh 500.’ (About €90).

Farook called immigration, and they said that Bobbie needed to have her sponsor extend the visa. ‘Go,’ Farook said. ‘We should take her,’ I said. So we drove Bobbie to the company where she bought her visit visa. Farook gave her Dh 550, and dropped her off.

Immediately, Farook’s phone rang. ‘This is a visit visa, but we are a tourist company, and it is not possible to extend a visit visa issued by a tourist company.’ Translation: it’s a tourist visa, good for 30 days with a 30-day grace period. ‘We can renew the visa for Dh 1,300.’

Farook promised to pay the cost of Bobbie’s visa, and owes her salary for April, but, as of current date, that Dh 550 left him with a billfold holding nothing but a bounced cheque. Bobbie’s April salary would cover the cost of her visa, but Farook doesn’t have it, and Bobbie is angry.

‘I pay her all I owe, but not today. When I get money I pay her. But she so angry, I think I not want her for employee anymore, so khalas.’ I.e., ‘Finished.’

Bobbie called again to say there’s no point in her remaining at the visa office, and she wants Farook to pick her up. ‘I cannot. I am very busy this afternoon.’

Bobbie kept calling, but Farook no longer answered when he saw who it was.

So Farook droped me off, and went to pick up his youngest son from kindergarten, leaving Bobbie stranded at the company that sells visit visas.

Bouncing Cheques, Part I

2008-05-02T00:16:00.001+04:00

Farook called at 8 a.m. and asked me to join him. I said I could be ready by 9:30.

Farook showed up outside my flat at 9 and rang me to say he was waiting. When I had completed my morning ablutions, I straggled down at our agreed time, and he was perusing some papers. ‘I need you to use your brain to help me,’ he said, showing me the papers: a returned cheque for Dh 23,300 (about €4,000) with a form. The form had several boxes, such as, ‘Signature does not match,’ ‘Postdated,’ and ‘Account closed.’ But the box checked was ‘No Agreement,’ whatever that meant. There was a box for ‘Agreement not adequate,’ so I decided that the Arabic word that meant ‘balance’ had been translated as ‘agreement;’ however, Farook didn’t really know the Arabic word, so we weren’t sure.

Farook also had a letter from the police, in Arabic of course, and we proceeded to the bank. ‘This letter says,’ he translated, ‘that I have made a case against the person who has this account, that the bank is to send the police all their information about this person, with all the information about his account, and his passport and visa copy.’ Pointing at the next line of Arabic, he finished, ‘This says that they are not to give his private information to me, but must fax it directly to the police.’

So we took the letter to a branch of the bank on which the cheque had been drawn. ‘I need to use your phone.’ The customer service representative, a young lady from India, handed Farook the handset. He told her the number, and she dialled. He spoke in Arabic and wrote down a number. ‘We need to send a fax,’ and she pointed at a fax machine. ‘Please send this fax,’ he asked me, so I did.

‘I send this to my son,’ Farook confided.

We then took the two documents, a copy of the bounced cheque and the original police order, to the branch manager. He and Farook discussed the matter at length in Arabic. After which, Farook led me in a search for the manager’s boss, since the manager had not provided satisfaction. We went through a door marked, ‘Employees Only,’ and sought out the occupant of the largest office. Following a rather brief conversation in Arabic, we were escorted out of the part of the bank that was strictly for the use of employees, and Farook went up to a different customer service representative, this one an Arab woman.

He handed her the two papers, and she stamped them ‘Received 1 May 08,’ then called for the copy-wallah to make a copy for Farook.

Farook then led me to the copy machine and said to me, ‘Please make me three copies.’ I looked at the machine and tried to convince it to make a copy, but it just did the machine equivalent of sticking its tongue out at us and jeering. Imagine, if you will, an elderly Bedouin (which Farook pretends to be, though he really grew up in a city and has a post-graduate degree) and the Western equivalent (which, whatever that is, I actually am), completely at a loss before a modern multi-function copier. The copy-wallah came back and made us our copies and we went over to one of the long tables where people fill out deposit and withdrawal slips. Farook wrote on one of the copies in Arabic, and asked me to write the English translation: ‘Many thanks for your help. Please call me as soon as you have sent the required information to the police, and keep a copy for me to pick up.’

Then we took this copy with the writing to the bank manager, whom Farook thanked profusely in Arabic. Finally, Farook was satisfied that we had done all we could, and we left the bank.

As we were walking out the front door, we heard a loud argument between one Citizen wearing the customary dishdash and another Citizen wearing a uniform. Actually, only the dishdash was screaming, the uniformed Citizen was very polite.

The entire argument was in Arabic, but it was fairly obvious, even without my knowing any Arabic, that the dishdash was explaining to the uniform that he should be issuing citations to ex-pats, not to Citizens, even though the dishdash had illegally parked his huge SUV at a bus stop.

Farook translated the policeman: ‘I am just doing my job.’ And the dishdash got a ticket.

Beniyas Square?

2008-04-28T23:06:00.000+04:00

I saw my first blooming flame tree about a week ago. This happens as the seasons begin to turn. Dubai has four seasons: warm, hot, unbearable, and summer, and we're moving right along in the general direction of summer, as indicated by the blooming flame trees.

Today, I had lunch with a friend at the DNATA office near the Clock Tower, an excellent meal for about €2.60. Then I proceeded to what the sign says is Beniyas Square. Most people call it Nasr Square, but most streets and squares in the UAE have at least two names, just like the songs in Through the Looking Glass.

In English-speaking countries, most of the inhabitants speak English and most signs are in English, but in the larger cities, there are always neighbourhoods with other alphabets and ideographs. I wandered through several such cities, through neighbourhoods where the signs were all in Cyrillic letters, or all in Arabic letters, or all in Chinese characters (but, of course, once I left those neighbourhoods, the signs returned to 100% English).

In the UAE, though, the majority of the inhabitants are not Citizens, though I strongly suspect it to be the case that the majority use the Arabic alphabet (but complete transparency is as common in the Gulf as snow, so we'll never know the alphabet used by the majority of UAE residents; the Arabic alphabet is used by all Arabs, as well as by all Iranians and by Muslims from the sub-Continent, and I believe these three groups together comprise the majority of UAE residents).

But in Beniyas Square, I saw at least three alphabets and additional ideographs mixed together. There are a lot of Chinese establishments, with signs in Arabic, Chinese, and English. Some have also added Cyrillic, if they expect to deal with Slavic customers.

I found shops filled entirely with imports from China, as one now does throughout the world. And, between those shops, a small Syrian juice and schwarma stand, where I had a very refreshing glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, a glass badly needed after walking too far in the heat with an overweight backpack containing my purchases from several of the Beniyas shops.

'New' Traffic Signals on Oud Metha Road

2008-04-25T23:47:00.000+04:00

Oud Metha Road was once a fairly heavily used artery, going by several major clubs and schools. Now it is under construction for the new Metro Line.

Many years ago, Dubai built a pedestrian flyover so that people like Dubai@Random could cross Oud Metha Road without disrupting traffic or endangering ourselves. Now, however, what used to be the main road, the part over which the flyover flies, is closed, and traffic has been diverted to the former access roads.

To protect pedestrians, Dubai installed two 'new' signals (meaning, when I looked, the paint was peeling, but they were new to Oud Metha Road). The first day, I used the two signals. The next time I had to cross Oud Metha Road, one of the signals had been vandalized, but the other one still worked. And the next time that I had to cross Oud Metha Road, the vandalized signal had been covered with burlap that said, 'Rama Brahma,' and the other signal had been turned off.

I am, of course, annoyed at having to fight a rather steady stream of heavy traffic where I once had a flyover, and then (for one day) a pedestrian signal. And I'm surprised that Dubai would put up a burlap sack that said, 'Rama Brahma.' But perhaps I should take comfort at this very public display of religious tolerance, even if it's only in burlap.

Coffee with Farook, April, 2008

2008-04-22T01:11:00.000+04:00

Farook asked me to join him for coffee to look over the English of a contract he'd drawn up. He wanted to be sure that the English was OK. In a way, this makes Farook more honest than a lot of people I've met in Dubai, who prepare a contract with a quite reasonable English version and a quite unreasonable Arabic version, and rely on the fact that, in a UAE court, the English has absolutely no standing.

I should mention that, in the West, if the contract were in English and Arabic, and an Arab who'd been cheated showed that the Arabic was completely different from the English, the court might declare the contract null and void. Or it might not, deciding that English is the language of the land. But here, under the law, if the English and Arabic are completely different, it doesn't matter, only the Arabic counts.

But Farook was honest enough to provide an accurate (if not grammatical) English translation of the Arabic.

Should anyone engage him, the contract provides for a non-refundable fee and commission. The fee is payable in advance, and the commission is payable upon Farook's unilateral determination that the mission for which he was engaged has been accomplished.

Farook says he decided to employ the contract because many people engage his assistance, then, after he has done a lot of work for them, decline to pay him.

I started to point out that in the West, vacuum cleaner salesmen (among others) do a lot of work (e.g., clean your carpet), but only collect their commission if you buy the product. 'This is Dubai,' was Farook's reply.

Law Enforcement

2008-04-20T00:38:00.000+04:00

The Dubai newspapers recently reported that it is now illegal to leave one's car running. Farook did this a couple of years ago, and came out to find that his car was gone. Of course, when Farook ran in to pick up a package, this was an Oriental transaction that must include, 'How is the life?' with a full report, taking at least half an hour.

I was, however, surprised to see a car parked outside a pharmacy with the engine running, no one inside, and a police car parked behind it with the lights flashing. The young lady who had parked in order to run in and pick up her prescription waved at the constabulary, jumped in her car and drove off. The police followed, lights flashing.

Since Dubai@Random is only reportage of facts, I cannot say how the chase turned out. (It's a pity this isn't fiction, where I could have written a satisfying conclusion to the story.)

In the West, when a professor catches a student cheating, the student begs for mercy (which is seldom given). Here, the student says, 'I wasn't cheating, you can't prove it, it's your word against mine, and I'm a Citizen.' The students try this even if they aren't Citizens, since most professors prefer to err on the side of caution, knowing that they are unlikely to lose their jobs if they overlook cheating, but are certain to lose their jobs if they accuse a Citizen, especially if the Citizen is guilty.

So I'm sure, if the police managed to convince the young lady to pull over, she said, 'I never left my car running! How dare you accuse me. I know the Sheikh personally, and if you don't let me go, I can have you fired.'

I've seen Farook pull this off (for parking illegally). I also know of a young man who was given a year's room and board in the Muraqabat Hotel when he tried it.

So Law Enforcement here is the local answer to casino gambling, which remains illegal.

DU Blocking makes the Local News

2008-04-15T01:52:00.002+04:00

Yesterday, 14 April, a local newspaper reported that du has started blocking websites.

Samurai Sam reported this back in March. It's good to know that the local news keeps up with what's happening.

Samurai Sam specifically reported the blocking of Secret Dubai.

I first heard of Secret Dubai when a local newspaper reported that her site had been blocked in July, 2005. Once the block had been removed, I naturally looked to see the blog, but the parts she had been told were offensive had been removed.

The blog is mostly a news-clipping blog, taking stories from the local newspapers that Western readers might find 'interesting.' Or just weird.

A Citizen once told me how much all Citizens hated the blog. Although, since it is mostly just stories that have been published in the local English press, it isn't clear why they don't hate the local English press. Or maybe they do, but the local English press is owned by a Citizen, while Secret Dubai is posted on a blog owned by Google. And, of course, I have studied Group Dynamics, where, if one Citizen with wasta says 'Secret Dubai is terrible,' most other Citizens will agree.

Back in 2005, Secret Dubai had some Citizens who were her friends, and who got her blog unblocked, but they no longer seem to be able to help.

Blocking Secret Dubai makes absolutely no sense to me.

It is also unclear from Samurai Sam or the local newspaper if the block applies to all of du, or just to that new part of du that is outside the Free Zone. If the Free Zone must now go through the filter, I don't see how it can continue to attract the world's largest corporations.

Death of a non-Muslim in the UAE

2008-04-13T22:12:00.000+04:00

The wife of a British friend died recently. She contracted pancreatic cancer and was told that travel back to Britain would be too dangerous in her condition. I know (a very little) about best medical practices, and everything I know tells me that she received the best possible medical care in the UAE, as good as she could have gotten in Britain or anywhere else. Everyone I know who has needed medical treatment in the UAE has gotten treatment that is in line with the best in the world. I am sure there are specialties that the UAE lacks, but for most people the health care here is excellent.

My friend's problem, unique to the UAE, started after his wife's death. The local newspapers have explained that Muslims will have their estates processed (the English word is probated, but I'm not sure if that applies here) according to Sharia law. Non-Muslims are advised to draw up a will in their home country. So my friend and his wife drew up wills in Britain, and these will determine the probation of his wife's estate in Britain.

But his wife left a car and a checking account in the UAE, and a British will does not apply to the disposition of a person's assets in the UAE. The courts apparently divided up the money in the checking account and dispersed it in accordance with Sharia, but the car is not so easily divided, so they said he must not drive it or sell it until the court issues its final settlement, which will be to divide it up in accordance with Sharia.

My friend plans to leave the UAE and return to Britain in June, does not wish to abandon a car worth about £1,000, and does not wish to spend more than £1,000 in legal fees on a £1,000 car.

I mentioned this to a Muslim friend, who said that Sharia cannot be applied to non-Muslims. However, judges can adjudicate however they like, and judges who think Sharia is the fairest way to divide a car can order the car divided according to Sharia.

And there doesn't seem to be anything my British friend can do about it.

Beating the Tree

2008-04-10T00:38:00.000+04:00

I am still able to take an evening constitutional (though not for much longer).

Tonight at dusk, I saw some labourers gathered around a tree. One was very vigorously beating the tree with a 5 meter long 1x2. I assumed there must be a reason, and saw that, after each beating, the other labourers scoured the ground and were collecting the seed pods that fell from the tree.

I tried to ask, but the labourers definitely do not speak a single word of English, probably do not speak any Arabic, and possibly don't even speak Urdu, so communication was impossible, though one tried to use hand gestures to indicate that the seed pods would be heading for their communal kitchen and his broad smile indicated that he expected the results to be very pleasant.

I have, of course, seen people shaking fruit and nut trees before, but this was my first experience of this approach to collection in the Emirates.

I've seen fruits and nuts being gathered on some plantations in the UAE and Oman, but there the workers are sent with sharp implements to remove ripe fruits with minimal stress to the tree.

These labourers, apparently quite fond of this particular seed pod, had little regard for the poor tree, and, after they'd finished, I saw quite a few broken branches.

I cannot begrudge the labourers, who have to live on about $180 a month (if they get paid at all), their seed pods, though I wish they could have obtained them without the necessity of so much stress to the poor tree.

But faecal matter, as they say, seeks the steepest negative gradient.

Lifts in Dubai (2): Express Lifts

2008-04-05T22:58:00.000+04:00

A shopping mall has an 'express' lift, one that currently goes from the ground floor to the fourth floor without stopping. This is clearly explained in Arabic and English.

I was on the fourth floor, and saw only two people waiting to use the express lift, so I decided it would be easier than using the stairs.

The lift, when it arrived, was full, but only two people got off. Eventually (after some shouting in a language I did not understand), about half the passengers got off, and I got on.

The remaining passengers frantically pressed the buttons for floors 1 to 3. None of which worked. I tried to explain to them that the lift was an express lift that only stopped on the ground floor and the fourth floor, but the passengers do not read Arabic or English, and I know they do not understand spoken English (and I doubt they understand spoken Arabic, but I have no way of testing that hypothesis).

The lift proceeded to the ground floor, and I got off, while the remaining passengers pressed the buttons for 1 to 3 again, hoping they would work this time.

A Tangled Web of Zirconium

2008-04-02T21:38:00.000+04:00

According to the New York Times, the US is 'alarmed' about Dubai.

Dubai is considered a very good friend of the US, with a strange, complex web of interconnections between the two economies, and can consequently buy all but the most sensitive items (such as ports) from the US. Countries considered potential enemies of the US are banned from purchasing a long, almost exhaustive list of items from the US, and, in many cases, from nations that have signed trading agreements with the US.

So Dubai is doing what it has always done well, acting as a middle-person in complex multi-national trade arrangements.

The US, having just discovered this, is now 'alarmed.'

Dubai responded with a front page story of a man arrested for trying to trade in zirconium, a substance used (according to Wikipedia) for jewellery, surgical instruments, and nuclear devices, thereby showing that Dubai will not allow any dangerous, unauthorized transactions.

But the New York Times says that the US military has found many unexploded IEDs containing US parts, and thinks Dubai may be responsible.

My own opinion is that, if Dubai is selling defective detonators to the terrorists, the US should be grateful that the terrorists wasted a lot of their time assembling IEDs that had no chance of working.

Air-Conditioned Bus Shelters Progress Report

2008-04-01T02:08:00.000+04:00

I saw in the local newspapers back in early 2007 that Dubai would have air-conditioned bus shelters for summer, 2007. When I asked a representative of the RTA, he assured me that two had been put up, so that Dubai indeed had air-conditioned bus shelters for summer 2007.

Early in 2008, a shipload of bus shelters arrived and were distributed throughout Dubai. A few shelters have air condition units installed, though most only have a slot where, at some point, the A/C will be installed.

The shelters all said, 'Work in Progress. Do not enter,' and were packed with people waiting for their buses. A newspaper report said that the shelters were works in progress, and Dubai bus riders were asked not to enter them until they were completed. The shelters remained packed.

Then all the new shelters were surrounded by plywood, except for a narrow opening. Since the inside would have been dark and airless, I assume no one entered, though it was impossible to see inside (and I wasn't going to crawl through the opening).

Next, plywood doors appeared, covering the openings, and all these doors were locked.

But Dubai does not want tourists staring at plywood, so colourful plastic covers for the plywood were the next development, announcing that the new shelters were still works-in-progress.

No completion date has been announced.

But already people are writing letters to the editors of the local newspapers complaining about the shelters: for one thing, each stop only has one shelter, and many feel that men and women must have separate shelters. Others complained that the shelters have only eight seats, and will not be adequate.

But the RTA has announced a massive increase in the size of the fleet, promising shorter waiting times and fewer people waiting, and the air-conditioned shelters still sound very appealing to this regular bus rider.

So I'm willing to wait at least until summer before I start complaining.

Father Michael Visits Dubai

2008-03-31T01:20:00.000+04:00

I was wandering on my way to Wafi Centre when I saw another elderly, befuddled-looking Western man standing on the pavement. I stopped, wondering if I should proffer assistance, when he asked me, ‘Sir, could you please tell me where I could find one of the famous Dubai shopping centres?’

(NB: Dubai@Random is always an elderly, befuddled-looking Western man.)

I offered to lead him to Wafi, since I was going there anyway, and he accepted.

‘My name is Michael. I’m a priest, and I came here to attend Mass,’ he said in a thick brogue.

I found this a bit strange, since I’d always heard that people with a brogue use the name ‘Mickey’ rather than ‘Michael,’ but I decided that priests must use the formal form of the name.

‘It’s amazing,’ he said, ‘I was told that Christianity is banned here, and is strictly underground, but, when I asked the taxi to take me to the Catholic Church, he dropped me right in front of it. I went to Mass, and the church was packed. In Ireland, which is supposed to be a Catholic country, all the churches are empty, mine not excepted. Also, I have been treated with the greatest hospitality here.’

I tried to explain that the UAE is a former British colony, so Catholic churches here are much like they were in Britain—behind walls so they could not be seen. Only, in England, this only applied to churches that were not Church of England, while here, even the Church of England is behind a wall, and no Christian signs can be seen from outside the wall. He agreed that, had the taxi not dropped him in front of St. Mary’s and told him, ‘This is Catholic Church,’ he might not have realised what it was.

As we walked, he apologised for slowing me down, though I was not at all uncomfortable walking at his pace.

I told him that, back in ’73, I read a Telegraph article trying to assuage the British guilt about eating 3,000 calories a day while Indians only had access to about 1,200 calories. The article said that, because of the British climate (and lack of any heating, central or otherwise), a Briton needed 3,000 calories a day for mere survival, while an Indian only needed 1,200. So I asked about heating in Ireland.

‘We’ve had central heating,’ he said, ‘since before I started secondary school.’

It turned out that Father Michael had started secondary school the same year I started primary school, so that ‘apostolic succession’ came unbidden to mind—i.e., the fact that he must have been ordained by one of the apostles.

‘What brought you to Dubai?’ I asked.

‘The Dubai World Cup,’ he answered, ‘and I’m glad to say I won.’

I was confused. The Dubai World Cup gives race-goers a card, and anyone who fills it in with all the winners of all the races wins a big prize, but that prize is seldom awarded. Those who come close get smaller prizes, but even the chances of those are remote.

‘I placed a bet at an OTB shop before I left Ireland,’ he explained.

‘Mabrook,’ I answered, and explained, ‘That means congratulations in Arabic.’ Of course, I have no idea what mabrook really means, but it sounded like a good response.

We finally arrived at Wafi. ‘None of the restaurants in this part are licensed,’ I explained, ‘but the section over there is fully licensed if you’d like a pint.’

‘I don’t want to keep you any longer,’ he said, so I took his hint, left him, concluded my business at Wafi, and returned home.

Return to Normalcy

2008-03-29T00:56:00.000+04:00

When a US president introduced the neologism 'normalcy' after World War I, it was generally agreed by speakers of standard English that, for some places, the closest they can ever come to normality is normalcy.

In the case of Dubai, the heightened security for Easter is now over.

Dubai has two main church districts, one in the older part of Dubai, and one in New Dubai, about 30 km apart. Both were heavily patrolled during Holy Week and Easter, with church car parks cordoned off, a luxury Mercedes bus service from remote car parks to the church districts, and large numbers of policemen and policewomen searching passers-by who wandered through the districts.

Today, I was walking through the older district and found that the security is gone, and the once-cordoned car parks are, once again, filled with parked cars.

Presumably, there was a threat, though no one would say anything about what rumours had prompted this new, heightened level of security for Easter 2008 (there was no extra security visible during previous Easter seasons in Dubai).

So the police presence managed to deter any incidents over Easter, for which those of us who have to walk through the church districts are quite grateful.

There was one explosion, but it was more than 10 km from both church districts, and just seems to have been caused by a group trying to smuggle illegal fireworks, and presumably had nothing to do with Easter.

So things have returned to normalcy for Dubai.

Blocking Secret Dubai: Local Execution of a Universal Impulse

2008-03-24T00:46:00.001+04:00

According to the New York Times,

“Last year,” Mr. Manjoo writes, “I praised the iPhone in something of the way Romeo once praised Juliet: The device, I said, is revolutionary — ‘it marks a new way of life. One day we’ll all have iPhones, or things that aim to do what this first one does, and your life will be better for it.’ ”
But because he mentioned that the phone was a bit pricey, “several readers alleged that I was an Apple-hater.” One wrote him to ask, “Does Salon actually pay you or are you being paid under the table by rival companies?”

Obviously, the Apple fanatics would like to see all of Mr. Manjoo's web-postings blocked, along with Mr. Manjoo. According to the New York Times article, this is all too common: large numbers of fanatics on the web want every site that disagrees with them totally obliterated. Only, in the West, fanatics have limited ability to block websites, a limitation that does not apply to fanatics in the Orient with what Arabs call wasta and Chinese call guanxi.

I am in the UAE because I think it is the best place to live, but that doesn't mean I think it's perfect, only better than any of my alternatives. Many Citizens think my faint praise justification for immediate deportation: anyone who doesn't think that the UAE is absolutely perfect should leave immediately to go find someplace else that is. (Even those of us who think that no place is perfect, but the UAE is the closest to perfection we can find this side of Paradise.)

I have heard Citizens condemn Secret Dubai, though I could not, for the life of me, understand their complaint. I don't know anyone, Citizen or ex-pat, who doesn't complain about Dubai traffic or the cost of living in the UAE. And six out of seven Emirates laugh at the stories that the RAK government PR department releases to the local newspapers, stories that Secret Dubai likes to post. But anyone who has checked out the UAE Community Blog knows that a TRA official considers this totally inappropriate on the part of Secret Dubai, and offensive to the customs and norms of the UAE.

So, Secret Dubai is blocked for now, except for infrequent periods when she is unblocked, as she was unblocked for St. Patrick's Day, for reasons that escape me.

Dire Warning for Easter

2008-03-23T01:28:00.000+04:00

In November '41, every US military base in the Pacific received a dire warning from Washington about an imminent Japanese attack. The US military textbooks made it clear that aircraft were only suitable for reconnaissance, and that it would be a court martial offense to squander precious resources preparing for an aerial attack, which could not possibly damage US capital ships. So, following the textbooks, the US military worked hard building fortifications against a naval amphibious attack. After weeks of exhausting work on the fortifications, all Army, Navy, and Air Force personnel took a well-deserved rest on Sunday, 7 Dec.

In summer of '01, US intelligence received reliable reports about an attack that would occur before the autumnal equinox. US customs and immigration security was intensified, and US airport security tightened, so that a domestic attack was absolutely impossible. All US MENA embassies therefore prepared for the imminent attack, and I was almost shot when I wandered a bit too close to a US embassy. Admittedly, I looked a bit suspicious: a Pakistani friend had asked me to meet him by a US embassy (the most noticeable landmark in the city where we were), but, after I'd agreed to meet him, he'd heard (in Urdu) about the new security measures, and kept well away from the embassy, while I wandered around looking for him. Until I was almost shot, whereupon I removed myself as far from the embassy as I could manage. (My Pakistani friend hadn't bothered to inform me, since he assumed that, as a Westerner, that I would be in no danger. At least I hope that's why he hadn't bothered to inform me.) US security remained on high alert until the second week of September.

Now we have a Dire Warning that an attack is imminent for this Easter. I have already reported that the Dubai police have surrounded all the churches in Dubai and are searching all passers by, and that they have banned parking in the car parks near the churches (though DURL is also partly responsible for closing those lots).

According to my own intelligence sources, Al Qaeda has recruited a large number of disaffected bunnies, and they are expected to be distributing eggs with very high levels of bad cholesterol.

So beware.

Secret Dubai Re-Blocked

2008-03-22T00:09:00.000+04:00

I wrote on St. Patrick's Day that Secret Dubai and Single in Dubai were unblocked, but I wasn't sure for how long. Samurai Sam accused me of being so Internet unaware that I didn't realize that there are 'free zones' in Dubai from which the entire Internet is readily available.

In fact, I am located in a part of Dubai that goes through the TRA censors.

In the case of Secret Dubai and Single in Dubai, both were unblocked for a (very) few days.

'Proof' that Secret Dubai was blocked on St. Patrick's Day was provided via a statement by TRA spokesman Mr. Rasheed Joumblatt to 7DAYS stating that she was blocked.

This 'proof' was as good as Mr. Rasheed's widely publicized statements that Dubai Internet City, Dubai Media City, and the other Dubai Free Zones must all go through the TRA censorship machines, as per UAE law, when, as of current date, the Dubai free zones still have full, uncensored access to the Internet.

That they are fully censored was widely publicized in hopes that such statements in the local press would be enough, and actual censorship of the Dubai free zones could be avoided.

But I just tried again, and both Secret Dubai and Single in Dubai are now blocked from my Internet access point, as of 21 Mar, just as Mr. Rasheed Joumblatt promised they would be.

So thank you Mr. Rasheed, for making Samurai Sam's comments that Secret Dubai is blocked, once again quite correct. I feel certain that Samurai Sam must be grateful that you have corrected what appeared to be an error on his part. (Depending, of course, upon what one's definition of 'is' is.)

Private Mercedes Limo for Easter

2008-03-20T01:59:00.000+04:00

For Easter, Dubai has set up two car parks, one for each of the two main church districts, with luxury bus service from the car parks to the churches. This is new. There was nothing like this last Easter.

I was wandering past one of the car parks, and thought I'd ask, 'How often do the buses run?'

'Get in,' was the response. So I did, and found myself alone in a Mercedes bus that was, in effect, the longest private limo I've ever seen, since it turned out to be just for me, and departed immediately upon my seating myself. Before I got on, the bus lowered itself until it was at street level, so persons in wheelchairs could easily wheel themselves onto the bus.

This was not like the regular buses that ply the streets of Dubai: it was larger, with wider seats and it also had luggage racks for those bags that worshipers might have felt the need to bring with them to church. It had a TV that seemed stuck on a single channel with a message about traffic that remained on the verge of playing for the entire trip.

The bus/limo took me from the car park past the three church compounds (Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant, in alphabetical order, or Protest, Catholic, and Orthodox, in the order of the bus stops).

No one seems to know why or for how long this new security system will last. When I got off the bus, there were quite a few police, and they were searching some men very closely, but let me wander along untouched.

A couple of days ago, there were a lot of policewomen searching the women, but today it was mostly policemen, searching women's handbags and patting down the suspicious-looking men.

I assume things will be back to normal after Easter, but I won't know until next Monday.

Getting Ready for Easter?

2008-03-18T02:27:00.000+04:00

Yesterday's Gulf News reported that there will be heightened security for all Christian churches in Dubai for Easter. I noticed this on Palm Friday, but now it's official.

Car parks have been set aside for Church goers, located about 500 meters from the nearest Christian church, and about 1 km from the most distant church. Some of the most luxurious buses in the RTA fleet stand ready to transport worshippers from the car park to the churches at no charge, though, when I passed by, the car park was almost empty, as were the buses. Parking is not permitted near the churches, but worshippers tried to park as close as they were permitted, rather than using the designated car park and taking the buses. This fits with the general Dubai animus toward buses.

At the entrance to all the churches, a team of police men and women are checking bags, backpacks, and sometimes doing a body search on people who strike them as suspicious.

The news article said that the heightened security will end after Easter, and the churches will all return to a state as normal as possible, given that major construction on the Dubai Metro is taking place in at least one of the Dubai neighbourhoods where the churches are located.

Just Unblocked (for Now) and Semi-Blocked

2008-03-16T23:01:00.000+04:00

On her blog, Secret Dubai has a link to a petition to unblock Single in Dubai. On his blog, samurai-sam reports that Secret Dubai is blocked.

Single-in-Dubai was blocked last summer, but, when I went to check the status of Secret Dubai, I also checked Single-in-Dubai, and both Secret Dubai and Single-in-Dubai are unblocked, at least for now, i.e., as of midnight, 17 Mar 2008 (which would have been St. Patrick's Day, only the Irish moved it officially to last Saturday, since today is Monday of Holy Week ; however, the US is still having St. Patrick's Day today, since US law does not allow any week to be Holy).

Last week, however, the Gulf News (which does not put its comics on-line) declined to print the comic strip 'Dilbert,' semi-blocking it, since the TRA still allowed me to read 'Dilbert' on-line .

So it appears, prima facie, that the Gulf News deletion of 'Dilbert' ('sorry, this comic is unavailable today,' repeated all week) was another example of self-censorship, rather than official censorship, or the TRA would have concurred by blocking the website.

Yet another case where the UAE prohibition of Emerson's hobgoblins is operating normally.